How would you feel?

I would just take my GC along with me. How difficult is it to amuse a three year old for an hour or two! If any of my friends found the presence of a small grandchild unacceptable then they are not the good friends I thought they were.

Nothing wrong with 'grown up' time, is there?

Just catching up here, can I add that it’s horses for courses. Some of my friends would be perfect company with small children and some wouldn’t it’s that simple. Only you can judge but I am certain child would be first ?

Friends I meet for lunch or coffee are mostly other grans. We always have an agreement that if either has to cancel due to last minute child care arrangements then we re-arrange. Family first.

This OP highlights the fact that grandparents are often expected to drop everything and look after grandchildren at a moment's notice. Did the daughter not consider that her mother might not want to give up her lunch date?

The consolation prize is to take the child with her.

I agree jan
Fortunately when my children were little, we lived in Hongkong.
Chinese people welcome children everywhere and it was a pleasure to take them out to restaurants.
Generally, when children are expected to behave well, they do.

Sorry to all who think that a 3 year old would spoil the ambience/lunch/adult time etc.,
I would have been delighted! Just because they’re young doesn’t mean they can’t contribute to an occasion!
As an elderly friend of mine used to say (and lived by this), whatever happens in life, always pick out the best bits!

PS. Call me if you need to have a little one looked after while you have ‘grownup time!’

Mmm, Id be a little bit careful about assuming that people are delighted to have small children brought to them, even if they say they are.
A friend arrived for lunch with grand-daughter in tow and after the meal promptly fell asleep with exhaustion on my sofa. I played games, cooked biscuits, played hide and seek until it was time to wake granny up to go home.
Did I say we’d had a lovely time and how gorgeous grand-daughter was. Of course I did. Is that what I actually thought?
Noooooooooo!

Years ago we sometimes had an evening meal with another couple, usually about 8pm. We always had a babysitter when we went to them but they arrived for an evening meal here with their child - probably aged about 3 or 4 - in pyjamas in a sleeping bag and said the child would be all right upstairs on one of our beds, she would soon go to sleep and they would take her home asleep in the car and put her to bed when they got home. I was a bit taken aback, there had been no prior warning and TBH sometimes our beds were not made or tidy.

I once asked someone round for lunch, didn't know her all that well, we were on a course together, and she turned up with her dog. It was well-behaved but I wasn't happy about it.

My best friend s youngest GC is 13 so she hardly ever cancels our lunch dates .... but by two GC are 11 and 6 and the youngest is going through a very 'poorly" stage, with it seems one cold after another . She's also had pnuemonia twice in her short life, so I'm invariably the one to have to cancel! She always understands .. as she says "been there , done that, worn out the t-shirt". No fun with a three year old in tow. Re-arrange your lunch and laugh off the grandma duties!

Depends on the friend. Some of mine would be overjoyed to have my 4 year old GS tagging along, especially a couple who are sadly very unlikely to become grandparents themselves & who think the sun shines out of the little fellow all the time...if only they knew! Other friends would be appalled!

My Dd wanted me to look after dgs once but it clashed with a dental appointment.
When I pointed out that it wouldn’t be practical to take him with me, she was very annoyed.
Needless to say, I was also very annoyed that she couldn’t understand my point of view.

I have taken my grandson with me too. My friend loves him to bits.❤

No question - if your friend is a grandmother too, it would be a situation that she was probably familiar with. I would have called her as soon as I put down the phone to my DD explaining the situation and asking her to make the choice of bringing GD along or rescheduling to another day.

Also I would have explained to my DD what I was going to do this, and told her I would call her back with an answer as soon as I had spoken to my friend!

Just as a side note, a very similar situation happened to my daughter who called her MIL to ask if she could look after our GS in an emergency. MIL said "sure - drop him off on your way to work". She later discovered MIL took GS to her appointment at the hairdressers for best part of 3 hours - which infuriated my daughter when she eventually found out, simply because MIL wasn't able to say no - sorry - can't do it this time! My DD said its so sad to think she just couldn't be straightforward and say no!

In my view you were right not to turn up to a friends lunch arrangement with your three year old grandchild in tow.

If your friend is a grandparent I am sure they would understand the "emergency" child care problem.

However, this really does highlight the point that our children would be lost without us in these sort of circumstances.

It makes me wonder what they would do if parents were still working! Are we really always the last resort, I think not. It is just easier to phone us and in most cases we will put our own life on hold to support theirs.

We love our kids dearly, but there are times when we have to say no this is your problem. But then again, how many of us would do that...not many.

My Mum was wonderful when I was a busy working Mum. I really don't know what I would have done without her. I dread to think now I am in her shoes, what sacrifices she made to make my life run smoothly at the drop of a hat.

I hope you managed to re-schedule your lunch, and had a great girly chat about anything other than the kids and the grandkids.

LuckyFour What a lovely thing to say

How would I feel if a friend turned up at lunch with their grandchild? I would be very pleased. I would enjoy helping friend look after and entertain her grandchild, it would be fun. What are friends for?

My friend and I both adore our GCs and talk about them, admire each others pics, then get on with lunch, a glass of wine and a good catch up. What little 3 year old would, oror should, sit through 3 hours of that. Cancel, reschedule.

I think it definitely depends on the child. Some children at 3 are angelic and will sit up and eat their meal really nicely with no fuss at all whilst others are less mature and need constant attention, throwing food etc.. If gd was trusted to behave I would ring friend and ask which they preferred to rearrange or bring dgd along. If child could not be trusted to behave in adult company I would simply rearrange. Luckily my friends would be delighted if a dgd came along. I have been out for lunch with a friend where she brought 2 dgc along and they were a pleasure to have lunch with as lovely dc with beautiful manners.

It really annoys me when this happens with a particular friend. Her DIL is very flaky and will ask her to mind her 3 children without much notice and friend always drops everything to comply.
In that scenario, I probably wouldn’t have cancelled the lunch date. The DGC is the DD’s responsibility so I would expect either the DD or SIL to sort out any urgent childcare issues by re-organising their work.

I would’ve phoned my friend to ask if she wanted to still meet up, or reschedule.

Maybe you could arrange to meet at a different location - somewhere more suitable for the granddaughter to play while you chat. When my children were small I often met up with a friend at a pub or a garden centre where there was a playground so we could all eat, then the adults chatted while the children played. May not work so well with a single child but depends on the child I guess.

I would have cancelled and rearranged for another time I'd be put out to say the the least it's a lunch date not a play date .A good friend now looks after her 2 grandchildren 3 times a week we see a lot less of each other but are still good friends we never arrange to meet unless grandchild free

I disagree with those who advocate taking the GD to a grown up lunch date as the OP's attention would be on her GD and conversation would be interrupted by childish (but wholly understandable) restlessness and chatter.
As the OP seldom sees her friend, I'd suggest making another meeting with her and devote the day to her GD.

I have never had a problem if I have had to take a GC out to lunch, ours behave perfectly and are well used to socialising with adults.
If the person was someone who did not have children I might rearrange at another time.