Marrying a long term partner

There's a challenge in the supreme court now from a heterosexual couple who want the right to enter into a civil partnership:

www.aol.co.uk/news/2018/05/13/heterosexual-couple-take-civil-partnership-fight-to-uks-highest/

I feel this would be the ideal solution to those who want to stay together but not marry, so I hope it will come into law eventually.

You've been given very sound advice, OP - don't dither now and maybe live to regret it bitterly.

Aside from the fee, a register office ceremony can be as cheap and simple as you like. All you need is two witnesses.

And if you haven't already, do make wills. Even if you've legally tied the knot, lack of a will can cause all sorts of headaches any surviving partner can certainly do without.

sadly have recent similar salutary experiences and urge you to marry. One - she lived with him for over 26 years, bought an overseas property together, she sold her home moved in with him. She nursed him through a terminal illness, then found out he had left everything to his children who promptly tried to evict her and even take the villa! She fought it (besides the devastation of his loss and betrayal) but it was ugly and unnecessary when she too is not well. 2nd - I am dealing with a commercial matter - professional papers needed for legal matter re property, the man died and despite living as man and wife for some 30 years, in law his partner is can do nothing - trustees have all rights (she helped build his business) and legally she is not recognised. She says she has lost thousands. Make matching wills, set up a family trust if necessary and power of attorney and living wills. Good luck - marrying late with children on both sides we have tried to protect each other and what happens when we go so there isn't a vicious fight for either of us to deal with as everything is clear and we can sleep at night now.

Oh for goodness sake, there's minimal difference between a civil partnership and a register office wedding! I had the latter 35 years ago and it was very, very simple. You can make them more "wordy" now, but the basic register office "service" is surely OK for anyone who doesn't want a big fuss? Just do it!

An old friend of mine lived with a lovely man who was separated from his wife, because they were both catholic his wife refused him a divorce. They were separated for over 2 years before my friend met him so not caused a marriage breakdown. My friend dated him and after a year they lived together. They had a baby son and were planning their wedding five years later after he had finally got the divorce. He was killed in a car accident and she and his baby son got nothing. His mother who had not agreed with his divorce organised the funeral, and his ex wife was invited along with his 2 daughters from that marriage but my friend was not invited or and when she rang his Mum and said she wanted to go she was told no because his ex wife was going. His Mother as legal next of kin arranged his burial and sorted out his finances and gave everything to his ex wife because in her eyes they were still married as she did not recognise divorce. A marriage certificate is not just a random piece of paper it means you are legally recognised as next of kin.

Sadly it can cause all sorts of problems. I did a memorial last summer for a woman whose long-term partner died in a car-accident. His wife was informed as NOK, and kept the partner away from the hospital and the funeral. The memorial that we did in her garden was lovely, but nothing could diminish the grief of not having been able to say goodbye to him.

I think the CAB would be able to advise you on some of these questions. You would not receive a Widows Pension unless you had been married to your partner but uncertain if you would receive a funeral grant ( think this may be applicable to who has arranged and will be paying the funeral expenses). You have to have the death certificate plus another form you are given when registering a death before you can make any funeral arrangements. If there is no-one else to register it except you who would? You and your partner could each see a solicitor to arrange Lasting Power of Attorneys ..if you think it necessary. Also draw up Wills if you have,nt already done so. If you do decide to marry, you can have the simplest of Register Office weddings or nowadays have music and readings as well if you choose to. For your own peace of mind book an appt with your Citizens Advice, have your all your questions written down before you go. I have had to use them on more than one occasion and found them very helpful.

Here's a link that is handy. www.choose.co.uk/guide/financial-rights-for-unmarried-couples.html

The bottom line is that Marriage is a legal contract along with the pros and cons that binding contracts entail.

Once case I know of was a young woman who spent her own hard earned money to furnish their (rented, shared) apartment with fine art, expensive furniture, a piano etc.

When he died suddenly after eight years, the apartment was still in his name only, so his family took the furniture along with all her belongings then gave up the lease so they could claim the security deposit. She ended up on the street with nothing.

If you have no objections on principle to marriage, it would be simplest to get married with no fuss. We went for the registry office and two witnesses options when we got married....fifty two years

Midgey How did his ex wife inherite she is no longer next of kin his daughter yes is entitled to the inheritance but not the ex! (I like watching heir hunters).
Some very sad stories on here and all for the want of a piece of paper ?

Just an aside. I’m pretty certain there’s no longer a widows pension.

There is a bereavement allowance that lasts for 52 weeks but no ongoing pension.

TootiredtodanceMy own feelings when two persons live together and are emotionally involved is why do they not want to marry although content to live together for maybe ten or more years. A couple of years to save for the wedding of their dreams I can understand. Don't know about the 'honeymoon.' What won't you have already discovered warts and all about the person you have had experience of for the past couple of years.?
Is marriage seen as 'ours 'and restrictive which would not suit those who value independence.? Having observed two of my older colleagues who, having believed that lack of this piece of paper meant no strings, come down to earth with a bump. Not all marriages are made in heaven but that could happen in any relationship. What I do know is that 'marriage' has now kept the wolf from my door.

I think that a widow of pensionable age ,who has no pension of her own gets a proportion of her H*s OAP based on his contributions.
This is what I have been told so don't know definitely.

See Citizens Advice

As far as I know there is no European country that grants a partner the same rights as a spouse, so wherever you live it is a good idea to get married. In some countries only spouses or blood relations are allowed to make decisions on behalf of a seriously ill or injured person, so even if you are only abroad for a holiday, not being married could have serious consequences.

Here a partner cannot decide whether life-support should be continued or not, make funeral arrangements or inherit the deceased partner's assets or personal belongings - the nearest blood relation has all of these rights, and it is much the same I believe in any country.

Legally if you are not married to the person you are living with you are his mistress and he is your lover, or if you are of the same sex a lesbian or gay lover.

You can get a lawyer to draw up various documents, but they do not cover pensions or life insurance, unless you are named as the beneficiary, and you need a cartload of documents and the lawyer's bill will far exceed the cost of a marriage licence.

You say you are committed and intend to stay together for the rest of your lives, for your own future peace of mind I think you will be best off to conform and get that piece of paper - so much cheaper, quicker and easier than all the other options. As others have said you can pop to the Registry Office with no fuss at all if thats what suits you.

Midgey - I am surprised the divorced woman inherited from divorced husband - was it maybe the daughter who inherited? I ask as worried my single divorced son would be in the same position - I am sure he doesn't want his ex to get anything.

I agree with the others. Get married, it is a legal bit of paper that solves a lot of hassle. You say you have property together, and a son too. That bit of paper will protect him too.
You don't have to tell anyone you got married if you don't want to, just file the certificate :-)

It's simple really. If you want the benefits, sign the contract. A civil marriage ceremony is identical to a civil partnership one, bar a couple of different words. YOU define what marriage means, beyond the legalities.

annsixty - I'm just catching up with this discussion. I understand you're critical comment. I do know one young couple who lived together for ten years, had a child half way through that relationship. The female's name wasn't on the mortgage, nor on any household bills. She gave up work when their child was born as the male partner was easily able to support them all. Five years later, he ended the relationship. As the house was in his name, she agreed to move out. Big mistake. She's ended up with £75 a week support for her child and nothing else. So he took the line you suggested in wanting the benefits.

annsixty As far as I am aware you can longer get state pension rights from your late husband. I think the rule changed from 6th April 2016. My brother died on the 12th June that year and his widow has no pension rights from his contributions. Had he died before the 6th April she would have been okay

Before my dad's death last September, my mum's state pension was only about £70. She now gets three times as much. As far as I can tell, this is because the serps part of Dad's state pension is now paid to Mum.

I think no-one has mentioned inheritance tax. There is a "spouse exemption" only available to people who are married or in a civil partnership. Without that, even if the survivor is named in the Will, there may be inheritance tax to pay on the estate of the deceased partner. Example; A and B are not married. A owns the house worth £600,000 and leaves it to B in his Will. B inherits but has to pay the staggering amount of £110,000 inheritance tax. So when someone says "We have never felt the need to marry" did they factor in the inheritance tax bill?

Having firmly decided not to marry again my current husband had to ask me three times but it was not until all the legalities became apparent that I said yes.
It is only a piece of paper and will pave the way for your future but only part way.
You must, as provided in the messages herein take steps to make join wills, appoint power of attorney, living wills etc.
It is critical that you have the ability to make choices for his life care, and him yours. IF nothing else this forces you to discuss your last wishes. For example: you may want to be sure he has the power to "pull the plug" if you have had a massive stroke otherwise things can become very messy within families and there will be unforgiving fights.

Alas, society with all its changes has failed to protect us without a piece of paper. OR that should be without several pieces of paper.