AIBU to envy my children’s lives?

I envy my youngest's life, yes. He's got a job he enjoys (if not the one he wanted to be doing when he was at college), a decent income, a flat share with three lovely young girls who look after him like they are his mothers (making sure he eats enough, gets enough sleep, puts on sun cream when he goes out, etc ), friends all over the place, and a social life to die for.

But that's what you get for being young, free and single. If he ever settles down and starts a family (highly unlikely) then his life will do a complete about-turn and I won't be envying him a bit!

I don't envy my kids at all, I am incredibly proud of them all and what they have achieved, the only thing I could say I am little bit envious of is their fitter bodies, mine seems to be far too creaky and achey.......

My DD is a single mum and at this very moment is sitting with DH trying to find yet more ways to economise - her ex pays no maintenance for her or DGD - so no, I don’t envy her one bit.
DS has a job with a lot of responsibility and a long daily commute - so no, I don’t envy him either.
But I do understand, OP, that some young people do seem to live lives of more socialising, holidays etc than we ever did.

SussexGirl 60. It's only natural though for the mind to boggle at the way our children and grandchildren can spend money these days. I am sure though I get more pleasure from buying carefully, I can change now than throwing money around.

No I don’t envy any young person or couple but wish I had their energy. The young seem to envy us, that we have the freedom of time to do as we want.

SussexGirl If our children are successful (however that might be measured) then it's almost undoubtedly been supported by the start we gave them.

travelsafar I know what you mean. My AC are all much better off than I am partly because they are coupled and I was a sole earner. I am cross that the salaries are so low in my sector despite the high level of qualifications it requires, however that’s a different argument?
What I do wish is that I could be raising my family now with all the extra support and information and fantastic opportunities they have now! When my 3 were small they did various extra curricular clssses but I had to spend a lot of time finding out where they were held (pre mass internet!) local classes were more limited. These days every library does a wriggle and rhyme ( I had to go to a class called Butterflies run by a music teacher mum which was 2 bus changes away and the only thing like it in the area?) baby swimming lessons abound, and I would have loved to have signed my children up for yoga classes and mindfulness classes but there were no such things! I learned baby/toddler massage from a book bought in our local hippy shop!
Also I love the fact that more cafes cater for children and welcome families especially independents, so many provide colouring books and pencils as standard and often there are board games to borrow too. I would have also loved the pottery and craft cafes you see now everywhere! My DD’s are often impressed/surprised by the efforts I had to make to try and replicate the life they have with ease.

My wife and I delight in the successes of our children.

Our children are our pride and joy.

Envy sounds like a socialist trait so best lost as soon as.

I would never be envious of my children’s lives. I’ve always brought them up to excel and have a varied exciting life. That’s my job done because they have and I’ve everything to be proud of.

Some things are better for the younger generation, some worse. They never had the freedom to roam independently at will in the countryside or towns as we did and they are tested to destruction with schoolwork and exams.

However, their opportunities are much wider and life is more multifarious and filled with options than our relatively simple lives were. The internet and social media have opened up a world of choices that did not exist in former times.

I think that the only fly in the oinment for me is that, with all their privileges, the young can be ungrateful and complaining without realising how hard things were as a matter of course for their parents and grandparents. Not all young people complain and not all the time. But still, if anyone needs to 'check their privilege' it isn't the postwar generation.

Reading the page above it is clear how varied our experiences are, yet how we share our desire to give a better life to our children than the one we had. There is a strong element of concern about the problems of today's world and how difficult it is for young people to buy a home and raise a family. I agree totally that this is an awful worry and a burden we would never have wished upon our children. My children are old enough to have started married life and families just a few years ahead of the terrible money constrictions, with the exception of University fees.

It is very clear that the hardships either we or our children have suffered are the greatest influence on how we feel in our relationship between the generations. Like Westiegran I am in a wheelchair, I do like her advice. GabriellaG has a family of which she is justifiably proud, I would agree that "It's down to luck" and I agree that money management does help, but my life was dire and I worked and worked and never squandered a penny, yet was married to a man who was simply cruel and kept us in poverty as a means of control. So, sometimes even money is out of your control when you are married. I did obtain a Legal Separation, but that did not really help the children, either way it was not good news.

So when you advise people to take a holiday, or say how good it is to be free of a mortgage and have no debts now you are retired, please remember, not everyone's life has been the same as yours. I have had to try and make some adaptations in my house for my wheelchair, for example. The builder took the money and didn't do the work. But he damaged the house. Trading Standards say I have to take him to court. I have no money to do that. My children do not understand. You see? Life is not the same for us all.

Both my DDs emigrated to the US and Australia and I do envy them a little, I am still young enough to do something of the same, ie Spain, but my husband is 78 in sept and I am 62. So no chance for me.

I'm proud of what my DD has achieved but I don't envy her . She and her husband have high - achieving jobs, and all the material possessions that anyone could want. But they both have to work very hard, and long hours, and both have to keep studying to maintain their qualifications. Their children are in child care every day after school until 6pm .

When I was that age I had a job, nothing special but enough to pay the bills and give me some satisfaction. The children never had to go to child care, and we always had time to just "hang out" and have fun together. We didn't have many material possessions but we were very happy.

Life is different for our children now - I think they are wonderful but I'd never envy their high-powered lives.

SussexGirl60 I can sympathise. I don't exactly envy my children because we are different people and live in different times. However, I had a hard life raising them and I have a very hard life now. I am glad, as you are, that their lives are good and that they do not have the concerns especially about money that I had and still do have. I think what I feel really sad about is that there is an inevitable distance between us because they will never understand my life, neither in the past nor now. I try not to burden them with my physical pain and disability but I have recently had to reveal my financial situation. To my deep shock I was treated very judgementally, yet I had done so many very difficult things to ensure their lives went well in the past! I feel they have no understanding of what this is like nor realise what I did to protect them as children and to give them the lives and opportunities they had. Their father was cruel to me but they think he was good to them because I protected them from him. Yet he never gave me a penny nor ever paid for anything for them, not clothes or holidays or presents. I also had to pay for his clothes and holidays from what I earned. He was incredibly mean and would not let me have a pension of my own. Then he drew his out and as mine was linked to his I now live on practically nothing. What I find so hard is that the children just think I should try harder and have no idea how hard my life is or how unhappy I am at times. They do seem incredibly wrapped up in their own perfect lives and that can be hard to deal with. I am living in a house with holes in the floor, they are living in large houses and travelling abroad, generally enjoying quite a luxurious life. I felt so left out at Christmas, as if I had nothing in common with them. I actually felt they looked down on me.

I feel you and I have so much in common and am tremendously sorry for you even if we don't feel exactly the same. I think we both are suffering a schism between us and our children and I see no way round it. I think it is a generation gap and their lives and attitudes are just so different. I have to say there is a selfish and rather thick-skinned attitude in their generation which our generation never had, especially towards our elders.
I'm sending you lots of love and suggesting our best hope is our friends in our own generation. Love from L

One factor I have noticed that contributes to the apparently fuller life is that today's parents tend to take their kids with them more than we did to all sorts of things. I remember being very much constrained by needing babysitters if I wanted to go to the pub or dinner out. These days kids go to all these places and stay up a lot later and babies don't have set routines so they are more flexible to accompany their parents too.

That’s lovely Apricity. It’s very apt.

No, I don’t envy any of my DC. Yes, life was a struggle when we were bringing them up, but it is for them now bringing up their own children. Just very different. They do have a lot of things and do a lot of things we never dreamed of.

I do know they rather envy us, as things have worked out well and we’ve had - and have - a pretty good life together and, even though I have told them how tough things were, I don’t think they altogether believe us.

SussexGirl I agree with Westiegran and other posters that you need to give yourself a pat on the back and say well done. Your children and their families are living good, productive lives and you played a very big part in getting them there.

I believe parenting is like gardening. When our children are little we do our best to provide the soil, the fertiliser, the water, we do some judicious shaping and make sure the sun shines on them and then the time comes when we step back and it's up to them. We work with what we are given and can't turn a rosebush or a bramble into an oak or an elm but we can do our best to ensure that each is a strong healthy plant. Be kind to yourself, sit back and enjoy your "garden." ?

I most certainly do not envy my children's lives. As a baby-boomer, I think I've had the best of it, and there's no way I would want to be part of the later generation, with all the many stresses and strains that simply did not exist to the same extent in my day. I feel so sorry for young people these days when I see what society is challenging them with. So no thank you. I'm perfectly happy to have experienced young adult life through the late 60's and 70's. It was a lot of fun. Doesn't seem that there's much of that about now...

I do understand. I was married and had my children very young. I always maintained that I would young enough to live my life once they were independent. I saw 3 out of 4 of them go to university (number 4 is now at uni as a mature student), with part time jobs, which would lead them all to professional careers.
They are all now settled with good, professional careers, their own houses and young children. I have had a LOT of ups and downs throughout my life and life has been a real struggle at times but I was so proud of my children getting opportunities I never had. My dream of living the good life crashed as one year into my 2nd marriage my health took a big dip and has continued to do so. I am now wheelchair bound and have carers coming into me on a daily basis.
Do I envy my children their fancy holidays and their way of life? Yes. Would I want them to have the life I had ...no way! I often have to give myself a darn good kick up the butt. My husband and I are still very much in love and even though he still works full time he is my rock.
I very rarely go on Facebook these days as I don’t want to see my grandchildren doing the things with their various other grandparents I always envisioned I would do would do. I do different, more sedentary things with them
No holidays in a caravan 20 miles down the road for them.
No having to jump to a demanding MIL who when she asked you to jump you asked how high. Because that’s the way things were then.
No wondering how they are going to feed the family, pay the bills and still survive until Friday.
Instead they have holidays abroad and weekends away.
The women quite regularly have girls’ weekends away or nights and quite happily leave their male partners to look after the children. ?
They visit when they can and I never interfere with my grandchildren’s upbringing.
But they all work hard with their children looked after by professional carers.
They had a life before they settled down and travelled the world.
Am I jealous? I would be dishonest if I said I wasn’t but I smile and think to myself
‘well done you. You brought up 4 very responsible and successful adults. All my children and grandchildren are healthy, touch wood.’
I just hope and pray they and their children have healthy and happy lives and that when I am no longer here they will remember me with fondness and love.

My advice to you Sussexgirl is you are human and yes we are all guilty of thinking the grass is greener on the other side. Sometimes it is. But that grass is usually greener because of the hard work that has been put into growing it and tending to it and you were the one that helped sow the seeds for that grass. So give yourself a great big pat on the back and when that wee green monster threatens to rise then just smile and say to yourself ‘didn’t I do well’ and give yourself a great big pat on the back. Usually works for me. ?

No not envious of their lives now, I would have liked the chance to go to Uni but otherwise I think they have to work very hard, long hours and bring up the DGC in a complicated, fast world. Very proud of them.

No, it's not unreasonable but it is unnecessary. Be proud that you have created opportunities for your children and that they have taken full advantage of them. Be proud that they are in turn creating opportunities for your grandchildren and enjoying the most amazing experiences with them. This does not diminish your life in any way. You wanted a better life for your children but you cannot open doors for them and then complain when they actually go through them. Also it is emotionally destructive to try and live your life vicariously through them. Think carefully about yourself and what makes your heart happy, often it's the little things in life that do that. Concentrate on those things and you won't think about what your children are doing and if you do your heart will overflow with pride for them and yourself as you were the one to put them in a position to live an amazing life. I write this from experience and want to share with you that even with children and grandchildren living in USA and Australia, I am very happy and that it is possible to find peace in your heart.

Do I envy my two daughters, one with nearly a quarter of a million mortgage on a very small 3 bed terraced house, the other paying half her salary to afford a one bed flat when I was mortgage free in a large detached home by my mid forties? No, I do not.
Am I envious when I see them struggle to juggle motherhood with full time work when I was a laid back stay at home mum? No, I am not.
Am I extremely worried that they live in a country and world which is dangerously overpopulated with a soon to be scarcity of natural resources? Yes, I am extremely worried for their future.
Do I envy them living in a world of increasing violence and lack of moral compass? No, I do not.
Am I very concerned that no one can speak their mind any longer because some minority will be offended? Yes, I am. I was never afraid to walk the streets when I was younger or say what I thought and I never envied anyone, just aspired to have what I thought I would like to have a nice life.
Am I envious of my children's lifestyle? Certainly not. Envy eats away at your soul ( not in a religious sense) and stops people from moving forward and doing things for themselves.
Children of the 50s/60s had the best music, the best education, the availability of plenty of non stressful jobs (not all of course; nothing easy about being down a mine)enough housing and, probably most importantly, a free thinking lifestyle. Nothing to be envious of here!

No I don't envy them. I've got three sons different incomes different lives and I'm glad when they are doing well and worry when they are not .

Looking back to my happiest time of life, was when my gambling husband decided after two years of marriage decided he wanted to be single again and walked away. This was in the sixties and I was 20 with 2 babies under 2. The relief was so great to have a regular although basic income to live on was wonderful. I had my two lovely boys to devote all my time to, which was bliss. They have grown up to be hard working responsible loving men. Generous to a fault and have good livings each with lovely families. All I ever feel is pride never envy that they have achieved so much from a rocky start to life and lived the lives I could only ever dream about.

No, my DC has had a lot of bad luck including cancer.

Now is the time to make the best of your life. Travel, try the cheap airlines off peak, eat out make use of 60+ offers.

I think most children think us baby boomers are the lucky ones.