AIBU to envy my children’s lives?

travelsafar I know what you mean. My AC are all much better off than I am partly because they are coupled and I was a sole earner. I am cross that the salaries are so low in my sector despite the high level of qualifications it requires, however that’s a different argument?
What I do wish is that I could be raising my family now with all the extra support and information and fantastic opportunities they have now! When my 3 were small they did various extra curricular clssses but I had to spend a lot of time finding out where they were held (pre mass internet!) local classes were more limited. These days every library does a wriggle and rhyme ( I had to go to a class called Butterflies run by a music teacher mum which was 2 bus changes away and the only thing like it in the area?) baby swimming lessons abound, and I would have loved to have signed my children up for yoga classes and mindfulness classes but there were no such things! I learned baby/toddler massage from a book bought in our local hippy shop!
Also I love the fact that more cafes cater for children and welcome families especially independents, so many provide colouring books and pencils as standard and often there are board games to borrow too. I would have also loved the pottery and craft cafes you see now everywhere! My DD’s are often impressed/surprised by the efforts I had to make to try and replicate the life they have with ease.

SussexGirl If our children are successful (however that might be measured) then it's almost undoubtedly been supported by the start we gave them.

No I don’t envy any young person or couple but wish I had their energy. The young seem to envy us, that we have the freedom of time to do as we want.

SussexGirl 60. It's only natural though for the mind to boggle at the way our children and grandchildren can spend money these days. I am sure though I get more pleasure from buying carefully, I can change now than throwing money around.

My DD is a single mum and at this very moment is sitting with DH trying to find yet more ways to economise - her ex pays no maintenance for her or DGD - so no, I don’t envy her one bit.
DS has a job with a lot of responsibility and a long daily commute - so no, I don’t envy him either.
But I do understand, OP, that some young people do seem to live lives of more socialising, holidays etc than we ever did.

I don't envy my kids at all, I am incredibly proud of them all and what they have achieved, the only thing I could say I am little bit envious of is their fitter bodies, mine seems to be far too creaky and achey.......

I envy my youngest's life, yes. He's got a job he enjoys (if not the one he wanted to be doing when he was at college), a decent income, a flat share with three lovely young girls who look after him like they are his mothers (making sure he eats enough, gets enough sleep, puts on sun cream when he goes out, etc ), friends all over the place, and a social life to die for.

But that's what you get for being young, free and single. If he ever settles down and starts a family (highly unlikely) then his life will do a complete about-turn and I won't be envying him a bit!

I do feel a little like you do but we have done a good job as parents...so let's sit back enjoy them and happiness is in the small things

I don't envy my DD's life at all. She and SIL both have to work - they are in their late 40s. They have debts, a big mortgage, can rarely afford holidays and are struggling to put their only child through university. We help where we can. DH and I were fortunate enough to retire at 60. Goodness knows how old our DD and her husband will be when they retire. DH and I go out/have holidays whenever we like (within reason obviously). No envy here.

I agree with you jenpax ...there is so much more going on for young Mums now - even in the sleepy Welsh town where I brought my kids up (forget the pretty tourist pictures, it was the back of beyond in terms of facilities!) From that point of view I envy my kids. But also, the horrors of the Internet, the avalanche of social media pressure and fragile mental health of young people....glad not to have deal with those as a parent.
Mostly I think I didn’t appreciate the ‘good parts’ when they were smaller, but they might well say the same about their own parenting, in 30 years time!

I don't envy my children at all. In spite of them having what are officially "good" jobs. It still means that 2 salaries barely cover living expenses, holidays are a rarity and child care is a constant worry.

I don’t think it’s either normal or not, it’s how you feel. Just accept that that is how you feel and try not to let it affect how you live your life. I don’t feel the same as you, but believe me, my life has not gone any slower ?. I’m sure it was only last year I celebrated my 40th, I turned by back for a second and boom I’m in my 60’s ?

Envy them? I stayed home until my youngest was 8. My daughters went back to full-time work when each baby reached 1. They’ve never stopped rushing around since, their lives are a ceaseless chaotic race against time and they see their children for a couple of hours a day, while they Are doing umpteen other things at the same time.
Thanks to Feminism, which made this lifestyle inevitable by convincing the government that doing two full-time jobs was what women wanted to “liberate” them.

The only envy I feel is for my DD’s lovely dishwasher. I do wish I had room for one in my little kitchen!

Sussexgirl I feel your pain, because isn't envy just the most stupid emotion? I mean, no-one would want to feel it, but sometimes it's just there anyway. My example is different to yours: I was incredibly envious of my friend, who got to marry the man I thought was the love of my life. A few short years later, they separated and some very unsavoury truths came out about him. Of course, I hope this doesn't happen to you, finding out that your descendants' lives are not as happy as they seem! What I learnt from it though, was to concentrate on making my life as best I could for me. Consequently I found my own love of my life, had 4 lovely sons with him etc etc. I hope this helps x

I don't envy my sons at all, I am thrilled that their lives are good. I would be more than happy to help with my granddaughter, and wish I saw her more often than a couple of hours visit a week, but to not be needed is a sign of the family's success and strength, which makes me feel proud of my son and amazed by his partner who is a far better mother than I was - so confident and competent and a wonderful role model for her daughter. My own mother struggled to bring me and my two brothers up, because money was tight, and she had none of the opportunities in life that came my way. Don't we all work and strive so our children can have it better and easier than we did?

I don't feel that the job market is as easy for today's young people as it was for my generation, however. My youngest, who is a trained journalist, is finding it extremely hard to find a job that he actually wants and which will accept him. Competition is fierce. I didn't have half the skills and qualifications he has, but I found a job easily in the 1970s. I feel I was lucky to be able to stay at home and raise my boys myself, not have to return to work. Many young mothers nowadays are not in this happy situation, and can't afford their homes without both parents working - they are lucky if they have willing parents and in laws to step in for childcare. Nursery for babies is very expensive. I would be very happy to mind my granddaughter, but the fact that I don't need to, they can afford the nursery, is a testament to how hard they have both worked and how successful they are. I am super proud of all my boys. I am now enjoying my leisure time, and the freedom to basically do what I like. This is one of the nicest times of my life.

I wouldn't say I envy my daughters lifestyle, but I sometimes wish I could 'turn back the clock' and relive parts of my life knowing what I know now. I think, as we get older, we become that little bit more aware of our own mortality and how little time we might have left. When you here of people in their 50's suddenly dropping dead from whatever, you do sometimes think, wow, they were young! I also miss that familiarity that I had with my daughters and they now have with their children. I was once the most important person in their lives, now I have been relegated to number.......... And although that's how it should be, it was a nice feeling to be that important to someone else other than my hubby, which is a different kind of feeling. But now, we have a different adventure ahead of us, but can definitely see where the OP is coming from.

I have 5 boys - 2 are students and 3 have jobs . I am just relieved that they are fairly happy and healthy . If they earn then they in my opinion can do what they want within reason . I am lucky that they are grateful for Xmas and birthday money which I'm generous with as they respect me not to ask for anything inbetween .

Each generation does thing differently. I didn't meet friends in restaurants and coffee bars, but we met in each others homes, which was just as satisfactory, and a lot cheaper and was not as far to travel. And what is wrong with shepherds pie and sausages for lunch. Most of my cookery is still based on cheaper cuts of meat. It is what I prefer.

I went to mother and toddler groups and where ever we lived belonged to baby sitting groups, both parent support activities that seem to have disappeared.

I was also able to walk away from the work place when my children were born. I didn't work for nearly seven years. DDiL was back at work within a year.

In no way do I envy either of my DDs.
One has lots of money, great job that she loves , lovely husband and more than one house.
The other can’t afford to buy a house, she and her husband are both on minimum wage and struggle.
If only her life was more like her sisters.

Not envious - DD is much better off and married whereas I was a single parent who never went out at all for many years as I had no money. They have both been all over the world yet I consider myself the lucky one because I look after DGS whilst they chase their dreams with long hours and not much time to see him. Different priorities these days which I don't really agree with but I just do my best and enjoy my time with DGS.

luzdoh, sorry I meant to add that I feel great sympathy for your situation because at least my daughter shares her success with me, financially and in other ways. I wonder if your AC have unfortunately inherited their father's character? I feel as though you have given everything and received nothing in return. I really hope that at least one of your AC shows some simple humanity soon. ?

I have some sympathy for your situation because it feels like you had to make a lot of financial sacrifices to get them to a point where they were able to support themselves. Do you not now do meals out and holidays and treat you and your DH to the sorts of things your AC are now doing?

I don't envy our AC but am certainly proud of them. We helped them through university and on to the housing ladder and now help out with costs of grandchildren. I think they have a nice life but in terms of wealth I don't think they are in a massively different position to where we were at their age. Money was tight for us when we had small DC and our DD2 is the same with 2 young DC although she has more help from us with childcare than my DP gave us as we are local to them. I love seeing how great a mum she has turned out to be but don't envy her for that as we get the pleasure of our DGC without the sometimes endless slog parenting young children can be. My DD1 has a very good career and is better educated than me but I would say I am proud of her but do not envy her. My DH and I retired at 58 and see our DDs and DGC a lot but have friends and hobbies and holidays so are pretty happy with our lot.

Envy is a destructive emotion so perhaps do more for yourselves now? You no longer have to make sacrifices for your AC so just be proud of yourself for that and now be a bit selfish and think of yourself.

I agree with Bellasnana, I never, ever envy anyone else's life. I can understand to a degree the envy aspect of other people's lives, but to envy your children's lives I can't even imagine why anyone would do this. Just get on with your own life, don't even think what anyone has or what they don't have.
While your thinking about this you're missing out on your own life and life's too short for that. Just remember ........The grass is always greener...........Sorry to sound so condemning but I really don't understand.

I don't envy my dd. She works full time is almost 6 months pregnant and has a ds who is almost 3. She is so looking forward to her maternity leave so she can spend more time with ds who is almost 3 before he goes to school. She often says she misses so much of his firsts as it happens when at nursery. She can't afford to stay at home even though her dh earns a good wage. Their mortgage is high as live in part of country where house prices are above average. She says all housework and laundry have to be done in evenings or weekends when she would rather be playing with her ds or taking him swimming. I stayed home when my dc were small and did not miss any of their first. I would not swap that for the world.