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AIBU to envy my children’s lives?

(83 Posts)
SussexGirl60 Sat 19-May-18 19:30:58

Does anyone else find that they are envious of their adult children’s lives? I know there’s lots of talk about needing to financially support them as they struggle so much.....but that hasn’t been necessary in our case, except when they were going through university. We’re not a wealthy family but times have changed through the generations and we didn’t have all the opportunities that they seem to have these days....and the disposable income. Their lives just seem to be so full...of holidays, travel, trips out, meals out, and fun...even with bringing up young children. I’m so pleased for them and wouldn’t want it any other way but I feel I’ve always worked hard, struggled to makes ends meet, and not had the same opportunities at all.. we gave up a lot to give our family a good upbringing,as did lots of our friends at the time...and life seems to have just shot by now. I can hear how resentful and miserable this sounds-and I know I should make an effort for myself now but I just can’t seem to find a way forward-and my husband doesn’t feel the same at all.?

Witzend Tue 22-May-18 06:48:01

I don't envy mine at all. They have both had to pay relatively far more for houses that Dh and I would frankly not have considered when we bought ours at considerably younger ages. Dd who has two very tiny children and a Dh in a good, full time job, is obliged to work not far off full time in order to help pay the mortgage.
She likes her job, but despite a very good and hands-on Dh, it's often exhausting, coping with it all. Their childcare costs are horrendous. We help with those, and also helped both dds with house purchases, but costs are still very high.

Dh and I never needed help, and just as well, since our parents would not have been in a position to do so. We were better off than our parents, but our dds will not be able to say the same.

I wasn't obliged to work for financial reasons when mine were very small, and nor were most of my friends. Regardless of very high interest rates at certain periods, housing was generally a lot more affordable.

HotTamales Tue 22-May-18 13:01:16

No, I don’t envy any of my children.
In some ways they have had better opportunities than us and some were worse.

In general I am pleased and proud of them, their lives are not without their own challenges, as are ours but I feel no envy at all.

Earthakitty Wed 23-May-18 09:33:55

No way do I envy younger people today.
Yes...they have more in the material sense but they're not happier for it.
I'm so glad I grew up in the 60s and 70s when everything was just simpler.

Norah Wed 23-May-18 12:20:29

No, I do not envy my children, I pity them this world today.

willa45 Sat 26-May-18 17:27:16


We all have guilt provoking albeit very human feelings at times. It may help you if you realize however, that in no small way you played a very important role in shaping their success and for that you should feel proud and gain some measure of satisfaction.

Realize that whatever triumphs they have in their lives are your triumphs too. You also may not always be included because as adults, they have lives separate from your own. So, instead of feeling badly, celebrate all their successes. They are the living proof that your own life was a productive one and a job very well done!

kittylester Sat 26-May-18 18:36:07

I don't envy my children at all. I've had a lovely family life (to date) and my children seem to be doing likewise. We all have had hiccups and sadness along the way and no doubt will do again. We will weather them together!

I think my mum envied me and I was sad to hear that DD2's mother in law had a go at her for not working like she had to. DD put the deposit on the house and then she and her DH took the decision for her not to work while the children are small.

annep Sun 03-Jun-18 16:15:07

Like someone else said I do get annoyed at them complaining that we had it so good compared to them. And we paid for the health care we are getting now! They have much more disposable income and fun holidays than we ever had. I know this is a generalisation, but we are generalising here. Of course there are those who have it hard.
However, ...our minds were carefree. We didn't have to worry about healthcare, pensions, childcare, pressure of materialism, jobs, technology. We didn't know any different than what situation we were in as the media was very limited. We were much more content generally. Life was simpler. I just hate being old sad thats the only thing I don't like. everything else is better.