Serious Discord Over a Gift

Accept the chair with love, smile every time you look at it, laugh at the absurdity of being upset about a chair when you could have lost your husband.

Good news regarding your husbands health which surely is most important. Would you be prepared to accept the chair if it were in a different fabric/colour to blend in with your colour scheme? Might that be a compromise acceptable to you all, husband has chair, daughter happy she could give the gift to her father, and your accepting the chair for his comfort.

I think your daughter has railroaded you a little bit with this and your husband has helped but in view of the fact he likes the gift and hopefully he will enjoy relaxing in it I would just put up with it. I understand why you feel like you have been disrespected though and think I would feel the same.

I guess putting it in the room he uses most would make most sense as well and given it arrives this week it is obviously too late to do anything about colour/style. Just be pleased it is just a chair and if anyone points out it does not match the rest of the furniture or is too big or whatever point out you did not choose it. You are obviously angry so maybe some distance for a while might be a good idea for you both to gain some perspective.

You have been railroaded but you can only be railroaded if you allow it to happen It sounds as if you rely on your daughter quite a lot as it was her that saved your husbands life basically and you were asking her opinion about the chair originally (and she is right about not knowing what you are getting if you buy online)
It’s a shame you didn’t just go ahead and buy it but you hesitated long enough to be ‘taken over’ and your husband is well up for it agreeing with her, so there’s nothing to be done but smile, cover it with a throw that fits in with your other furniture and be glad he’s still with you

Bluebelle, it wasn't negligence. For the last six months, my husband was in and out of hospital almost every other week. I was with him day and night and the last thing on my mind was buying chairs.

During a respite, I found one on line and showed it to him. We both liked it. I mentioned it to my daughter and she asked me to send her the link and she would take care of it.... as a gift for her dad.

For the next two months, his health continued to deteriorate badly. D didn't do anything about the chair either until last week when he finally had his valve replaced. I should mention that it hasn't been easy. I have had a very hard time with his illness, and I thought I had lost him more than once!

Willa, it seems to me that you share a home. Regardless of your husband's health, the chair was a gift to him which HE likes. I understand that you don't. I am not saying you have to accept it because he has been ill, nearly died, etc. but because it is his home too, a gift, mainly for him, and he is happy with it.
Ask me about the sofa my husband loves and I detest. I have my armchair and I live with the sofa. It has a lovely throw on it, and life is too short.

Lisalou, the chair is a present for both of them, Mother's day and Father's day. That's not the only issue, willa is also upset about D's disrespectful attitude.

Willa I understand totally why you are upset about this! It’s not your choice and am guessing your DH (like mine) doesn’t care too much about how things “look”?

I think your DD is bang out of order going against your wishes. I’d be annoyed too. I can sense how angry you will feel looking at it Day in day out. To some people it would be a minor issue but if it matters to you it blooming matters ..end of!

Thing is what to do? Maybe have it reupholstered as someone said? Explain to DD you are grateful but hate the colour? I don’t know what kind of relationship you have with DD.

I agree it’s not worth a big fall out but the whole thing is undermining you and your wishes. (From your D I mean). As I said it would upset me too and I am fairly easy going. I just don’t like people taking over ?

Good luck and who knows, you may love the new upholstered version and be fighting DH to sit in it?

Willa I do understand, sorry if you think I didn’t realise how awful this time must have been for you, I certainly didn’t mention anything about negligence or think that in the least when someone you love dearly is so ill everything goes out your mind but I just think there is no answer NOW it’s a done deed, you hate it, your husband loves it, and your daughter took over ( rightly or wrongly) You can go on about it and upset those two or you can cover it with a throw and get used to it ( I doubt your husband will even notice

Look at it as your beloved husbands legacy to his life instead of your daughter railroading you turn a negative into a positive there really is nothing else you can do

I am puzzled as to what motivated her to refuse your joint choice and buy a pink blob! Sounds very perverse.

Willa45 I can understand your distress about this - my mother would have cleaned the floor with me if I had behaved like this.
We had a similar situation with MIL when she was alive- we wanted to help to go an choose the chair she needed but my BIL insisted he knew best (as usual ex headteacher wont be gainsayed) and he arranged but was not paying she was, for a vile brown vinyl chair to be delivered that was far to big for her little flat and far too heavy to move. She told us she was too frightened of him to complain - he wouldnt have listened anyway. I do think people should have the right to choose what goes in their own home. You have my sympathies

It's not too late to cancel delivery, it's tomorrow. That's what I'd do anyway.

My H finally seems to get why I feel the way I do, which has calmed me down somewhat. As a compromise, he agreed to put the chair in a corner of our bedroom, so no one else will see it (I do have to move my vanity dresser into the guest room to make way).

Today we went into the city for his follow up visit and he's doing splendidly.

On a separate note, our daughter picked us up from the train station and we are on speaking terms once again, albeit things were strained.

Only time can heal all wounds, I guess.

.....and many thanks to those of you who understood the reasons for my wrath. Re: chair......I get that I have no choice but to 'eat it', but it helps to know IWNBU!

As soon as H makes a full recovery, he probably won't even need the chair. I'm thinking to donate it to some charity and save the receipt. With the tax write off, I could even buy myself a nice 'Mother's Day' gift.
(I can be such an awful person...I know! )

willa45, it sounds as if you're all moving on from the episode.

It's amazing how your husband has been treated and his recovery has been so great.

We can take our health for granted sometimes so I hope you both have some great times making up for when he was ill.

Well, if you want to hurt your daughters feelings again, that’s certainly the way to go.

Contact the shop. See if you can change the order so that it is the same design of chair, but with upholstery of your choice.

I’m a bit puzzled. So he’s going to have to go and sit in the bedroom if he wants to sit in a comfortable chair? Is there a television in there? I guess there will be if you’re in America.
So he will be on his own in the bedroom and you will be on your own in the sitting room?

Ah well, whatever suits you........

Eglantine,
You should read posts more carefully before you comment.
- He needed the chair to sleep in, not for watching
television. -
- It was a medical necessity...there was never any mention of a particular proclivity towards watching TV

.....and if you must know, he's not a fan of watching television. He sometimes watches movies in our home theater because in America many people, have them now and they're located far, far away from the bedroom......and BTW our family room chairs are very nice and very comfortable too. You presume a lot don't you?

Well like I say, as long the arrangements suit you......

If the chair was only for your DH to sleep in why did he originally want it in your family room instead of the bedroom?

As others have said, I think avoiding any falling out with your DH and DD would be the best thing to do.

Eglantine- comments that are neither helpful or necessary.

Willa ignore it. So long as you have sorted your problem in a way it suits you all that’s all you need. I must admit I don’t understand what Eglantine is getting at either! She sounds like only if you are in America there will be a tv in the bedroom ?. I know this isn’t the issue but really? I don’t know anyone in UK who doesn’t have a tv in the bedroom anyway.

Hope you don’t feel we are all so backward him ??

Oh and doodle. READ properly. This has nothing to do with where the chair is!!!

You have all been stressed out by your DH's illness and I think the squabble about the chair is a result of that.

As a previous poster said :
"Back track quickly. Tell her the chair is great, that you have been so worried about your DH that you’ve not been yourself, and ask for a hug."

. H however just announced he would like to put it in our family room (%%###!!!) and daughter and I aren't speaking

Surely where the chair was to go was very much part of the problem !

youtube.com/watch?v=L0MK7qz13bU