AIBU to expect a gift?

I forgot to say we don't celebrate our anniversary because neither of us can remember the exact date and can't be bothered to fish out the wedding certificate to check.

We agreed we'd just make it a gesture to show we'd remembered. So it's pretty much just a box of chocolates or a new mug and a card - once I forgot to get the card and just made a childish one out of a bit of folded paper and a drawing. So basically we acknowledge but don't make a thing of it.

Forever the romantic, I bought my wife a set of Lecreuset pans and a canteen of cutlery for her 40th many years ago.
Over the years, if we want anything for our birthdays we tell the other but that doesn't happen very often.

While you are buying your cake, buy some flowers too and put them in a prominent place to enjoy - and make a visual point that will last several days that he could have chosen them. However my OH is the same, his excuse/reason being that it is how he treats me all the time that is relevant hmmmmmmm?

From me - birthday greetings.
blossom14 Happy Anniversary

Go out and buy yourself something and tell him it's your birthday present as you didn't get anything from him. That's what I would do. Seems reasonable to me.

Flowers and a card ! Yes let him know

For Christmas we agree together a nice treat to do together ...maybe a meal on a special restaurant we fancy or go to a show we both fancy with a meal etc. One year it was an overnight stay in Brighton , lovely meal and seafront pottering! So no surprises but agreed together and fun

We mostly agree not to buy presents for each other because we are in the fortunate position of being able to purchase most things we'd like as, and when, we fancy. However my OH is prone to buying surprises for me when it is not my birthday or Valentine's or an anni which is lovely. We tend to go out for celebratory meals these days rather than exchanging presents.

We don't do gifts at Christmas and birthdays, exception being our 70ths. We give each other cards at every occasion and that is fine.
I don' t need lavish gifts to know DH cares for me, he shows me in every single minute of every day.

I've been married for 38 years, and on 4 occasions only, my husband has bought me flowers. He's never booked anything, done anything romantic, etc. I have got used to the fact that he isn't like that. It was both our birthdays in April. He got me a card, nothing else. I got him a few presents and arranged a meal out. That's the way he is - he's always been a very hard worker and a great provider, tells me he loves me, so I accept his lack of spontaneity

Luckily, my adult sons are more thoughtful.

Its my anniverary today and I got a card, box of chocs and a ladybird windmill for the garden!!!! lol. Got to love 'em

Skip subtle .... men often don’t get that ! So come straight out and say things like ‘ I felt hurt I didn’t get a card from you ( I don’t care if they’re a waste of £2.50 lol) . Come right out and say , ‘ I’d like a token to remind me how long we’ve been together- doesn’t have to be expensive !

Madgran is right , it’s only ok if you decide this together. So time to lay your cards on the table !

We have agreed not to give each other a present, just a card! The key here is that we made a mutual decision whereas your husband has just made a decision on his own with no discussion and no shared agreement!

It is our 59th Wedding Anniversary today. I came down to a hand drawn card this morning. I have not done a card.
I will make up for it next year if we both survive.

I would be upset if it had not been pre agreed that birthdays were no longer going to be marked! It seems to me that your husband probably forgot til the last minute and then tried to make it sound like a decision. I would tell him that while a present wasn’t essential no meal out to celebrate nor a night off from cooking at home! Would have marked the day! A cake even a mini one would have been nice.
I would suggest that you lay this thought out calmly and clearly and see his response.

I would be upset if the occasion was not marked in some way.
A card and a token present or an outing are better than the
' can't be bothered ' attitude. As always its the thought that counts.

Because DH used to travel a lot, birthdays used to be wandering feasts, but always included a meal out, as they do still- and now it is on the day as we are both home.

Thank you Teetime and corner!

Things get misconstrued here, which is as ever a shame. I agree, no way is kitty selfish, in fact the opposite.

My (light hearted) post probably didn't answer your question lyndaw so, are you being unreasonable in having your feelings? Not at all.

I felt sad at the thought of you going to get your own birthday cake. That's something I don't do as Mr C goes off to find one, not easily in fairness as I'm GF, but he does it. In any case while neither of us are fussed about gifts (adult birthdays here have always been very low key), you would like one and its reasonable to expect your husband to be sensitive to your wishes, so I can understand your disappointment and upset. Enjoy your cake, you deserve it and a belated happy birthday from me.

LyndaW I am so sorry that was very hurtful and you have every right to feel aggrieved and if you feel like a sulk why not it was unkind. We do give each other gifts ands have almost come to the end of birthday surprises so it tends to be practical things that each other needs e.g. golf stuff. We give surprises at Xmas but very predictable aftershave, perfume, sweaters, jewellery. DH doesn't do cards he thinks they are pointless but I do. Its DH's birthday next week and together we bought him a new speaker for his Sonos for his study and as a surprise I have bought him some expensive trainers to stop him wearing the cheapos he got from Amazon- they make him look as though he has webbed feet. I would get my order in early for a present if I were you and tell him what you want many men are clueless about presents.

kittylester I strongly object to someone calling you selfish/childish if she knew you she would know what an utterly selfless person you are with a wonderful sense of humour.

hmm. I don't think I'm being childish. But I did put this in AIBU so others are entitled to think so. I'll drop some subtle hints. It's not that I particularly want 'a thing', more that I would have appreciated a bit more recognition
of it being a special day. Life has given us some tough times over the past few years, surely birthdays and special occasions are worth celebrating now more than ever. Off to buy myself a belated cake. Whether he gets offered a slice or not will have to be seen

I’d have taken myself out for a meal or even off for the weekend somewhere nice.....without telling him. Let him wonder when I am and why there’s not a meal on the table.

Go on! I dare you ????

We don’t exchange gifts but have an outing or trip away in 3 was I’ll be 70 Oh will be 68 and it will be our 23rd wedding anniversary all in the same week so we booked a week in Suffolk. We’ll have a few meals out and if we see something like a picture etc we’ll treat ourselves.
It really doesn’t bother me to not receive a gift we’d be hard pushed to think of something honestly but you are entitled to feel upset if it bothers you.

I always get a lovely card and quite often a present - his cards tend to be romantic whereas the ones I send him are funny.

I'm not childish Stella but do consider that dh should be thoughtful. And, he knows by now that I like surprises.