AIBU to tell off someone else's child

Yrs you did exactly the right thing workernan. Took your time to consider the situation. Weighed up the options. Young children need to learn what boundaries are and what is acceptable social behaviour. This child clearly isn't being shown a good example by his carer. Your DG is.

I was proud of my 3 yr old grandchild recently when pushed off a slide by older boys saying no babies allowed she stood up to them saying 'Im not a baby and the playground is for everyone!'

With hindsight it probably would have been better to speak to the carer, although you shouldn't have to.
I don't think that you were wrong as you were protecting your granddaughter but I can also understand the carer (from the reaction it was probably the mother) getting cross at someone else disciplining their child. It is both an unreasonable and a natural reaction and you can only explain what happened. She may well tell the child off when they are alone and explain about playing nicely.

Am afraid I would have told him off right from the start. If mums/carers, whatever, are too lazy to be looking after their own kids and making sure they are not bullying other kids then tough.
We were at a local playpark thing in one of our local garden centres and there was a trampoline at ground level for young children. I was with my grandchildren. Two larger boys who were obviously too big to be on it ( there was an age sign on it which you had to be under), we waited patiently for a short while for them to leave as my two year old wanted a go. When it was obvious these boys were going nowhere fast I just said 'right lads, can you get off now and let the little ones have a go' in my politest, yet authoritative voice and they did, no bother, but if I hadn't said anything, they would probably still be there.
My older grand children were affronted that their granny had effectively 'chucked' those boys off!

I have looked back at OP and I cannot see that the older child was ever spoken to directly in any friendly way first by OP. May be very wrong but it does not read like that.

I think you did exactly the right thing - I'd have done the same in similar circumstances with any of my grandchildren.

workernan Sorry, I haven't read all the comments but just wanted to say I think you were absolutely right. When your own grandchild is being pushed around and hurt, the carer is there but paying no attention to what is happening, why would you not say something?

The carer shouldn't be getting cross with you but should have been feeling sheepish about the fact that she wasn't keeping an eye on what her child was doing and intervening where necessary. It's not as if you were making an issue about something petty - the boy was bullying your grandchild.

I expect when my children were younger I wasn't always as attentive as I could have been - sometimes your concentration wanders or you get distracted. If something like this had happened then, I expect I would have felt a bit miffed but mostly I would have felt very embarrassed at someone else having to intervene.

pollyperkins Well done to your grandchild - a very assertive and mature response. Sounds like she will go far in life.

Sorry to be late but just read this and I am right behind you workernan. Your grandchild needed protecting and no one else was reprimanding the boy. Too many mums/carers or whatever more interested in their phones than the kids in their care.

You have to protect your child/grandchild at all costs. That is your primary responsibility. Telling someone else's child off for throwing sweet papers on the floor might be interfering, but stopping them actually hurting the child you are responsible for is your right and your duty.

Like grannyactivist I would have called over to the 'one in charge' of this clearly a future bully in the making and said ,not asked, come and stop him from kicking my GD. She is three and can't defend herself. If the person was abusive then you had no option but to walk away as that sort can be unpredictable That child will get his deserts when he meets like for like as without a doubt he will.

I think, as others have said, I would have spoken directly to the parent/guardian person once the child hadn’t responded to friendly requests.

Maybe that person would have done nothing - but telling him off when the “caretaker” was present was bound to cause problems I fear.

Good for you. Certainly you did the right thing

I agree with Readymeals.

What has happened to the old saying about a whole village to raise a child? I am sick of discipline being the dirty word of the 21st century. Children quickly learn that when parents are not around no one else can have authority over them and if they try to reprimand a child or touch it (in order to prevent harm to another) they will likely find themselves under arrest!
I work with children and have learned that when I am strict and stern they actually like it and far from being unpleasant next time they actually want to be friendly and behave because they know my boundaries. They also know that I will sing with them, play I spy, talk about their day etc and they respond really well. Too many kids these days get away with bad behaviour and attitude because tjey know adults hands are tied and they rule the roost. Time to bring back discipline and let kids know they are indeed kids and they obey adults.

I would have done exactly the same. But you have to be careful not to touch them these days. However I did once pick up a crying toddler who fell over. I was worried when mum came runnung over and apologised but she thanked me (as a reasonable mother would!)

If someone was behaving like that towards my 3 yr. old granddaughter I would do/say anything to stop it and certainly not worry whether it was PC.

workernan I'm replying before reading other posts because I don't want to feel influenced by the wise comments of others.

Firstly Oh How AWFUL! I can't think of a more difficult situation at this moment. I do hope your GS is ok after such a terrible experience.

Whatever we say in these posts from comfort of our houses, away from all the demands of wanting to look after a grandchild and thinking 'surely this child will understand soon?' .. it is nothing like being there at the time. I can truly empathise with you, I was accosted by a very aggressive woman, who clearly was not rational, but at the time it was such a shock I just tried to keep appealing to her rational side and calm her. Even a year later I wish I had told her to leave my house and not talk to me like that! At the time it was different.. shock, thinking they would respond as we or our family would, with reason.. Afterwards of course, I learned she is an egregious person and I should have told her to get out of my house! Too late though.

I know you did try to do the right thing and to be reasonable with an older child. I know you could have been much fiercer with that child! Imagine if it were the other way round. If that bigger child were to be given bruises by another larger child, what do you think his mother would do/say? She'd probably scream blue murder!! Not that I agree with that. But you tried to be reasonable. She was probably on her phone to her drug supplier anyway.

I've had two careers, the first led to being a deputy head in a large primary school in a pretty rough area. I imagine, had I been you, I would have said in a loud and angry "Teacher" voice "STOP kicking! You must not kick it is extremely bad to kick! If you don't leave my little boy alone I will call the Police!' Now, whether that would have been a good idea I have my doubts! I think getting away from these people is the only way, when you aren't their teacher.

Hindsight is a pain. Don't let it bug you. I truly believe you tried to do the right thing. You are a decent, kind and normal person. The others are not! The other child has a bad parent and is growing up to be a ghastly person. If you meet any more people like that (Heaven Forbid) just take your little one away saying to him "We'll come back when this bad boy has gone. He doesn't know how to take turns or how to be a good boy. We do not stay around people like him". It is something worth learning. Walk away from these people. I have to say, this aggressive behaviour seems to be on the increase, I was not aware of as much brutish behaviour when my own children were little.

But please do not reproach yourself for anything you did. You behaved with a good heart. Sadly these people do not understand that kind of good and decent behaviour. They are impossible. Just walk away from them. If they do anything aggressive involving physical injury please call the Police.

Love yourself, you are a good Grandmother. Put this behind you. Just say to your GS that you and he will avoid such people in future. Lots of love, L

lollee I love that you said;
"*when I am strict and stern they actually like it and far from being unpleasant next time they actually want to be friendly and behave because they know my boundaries*."

That absolutely sums up a good child-carer! Children really need to know their boundaries and will test them. If they do not find a safe boundary, they feel insecure. I would suggest that the monster-child in the OP has this problem.

ReadyMeals

I love it that you said:

"*but stopping them actually hurting the child you are responsible for is your right and your duty*."

Yessss!

my * *around words isn't working, what am I doing wrong? sorry!

workernan Sorry! I've called your grand daughter a grand son! I don't know why!!! Poss because I have 6 grand sons!! Very sorry!

I'm coming to this thread quite late and admit I have not had chance to read anything but the OP . I think you were absolutely right to intervene workernan . How could anyone think otherwise?

To stand by and do nothing while your 3 year old DGD was bullied and physically assaulted by an older child would be ridiculous . The older child is probably used to getting away with this sort of thing if their mother/carer ignore their bad behavior in the park.

Yes, PECS, I do believe you have misread the OP.

Workernan please don't doubt that you did the right thing to intervene. You were there to witness the event, you tried the polite way, you even walked away from the situation several times, however, it was your grandchild that was being bullied so you quite rightly intervened.

Believe me if anyone, regardless of their age albeit child, teenager or adult bullied my grandson I would intervene immediately. There is no way that I would stand by and watch some little shite hurt or intimidate my grandchild EVER !
To have stood and done nothing would have meant that the bully learns that his way achieves results and your grandchild learns that when bullied you keep quiet and let yourself be bullied.

If instant action was needed I would have removed my child and moved on.
Kim I'm not totally sure without re-reading the whole thread but I thought that workernan said she did that but the boy followed them and continued bullying.

No-one should be forced to leave a play park because of bullying behaviour by a five year old.