To be annoyed at my daughter

Sorry, in first line of second paragraph, I should have written the word gently and not gentle.

I really wouldn't say anything to her. Personally, I agree it is spoiling the children but, if they are nice well-adjusted children, isn't that all that matters? When they show you new gifts, you can perhaps point out that they are lucky because other children's parents can't necessarily afford such things.

I suppose, if your daughter complains she has little money, you could gentle say something but I'd tread gingerly. Is your daughter the sort of person who listens and then thinks things over sensibly? Much depends on how you get on with your daughter in general terms.

Sue190 I think usage of phones should be restricted at that age ….but it is about teaching them why etc ...about the impact on other aspects of life, keeping a balance, the risks etc etc ...so that with a mixture of support and "family rules" they make some appropriate choices for themselves (hopefully!) and grow up with a "Healthy" attitude to technology!

Sorry for terrible spelling/ typing on my posts today. arthritis is appalling.

Dry quick way to teach them the cost of everything and the value of nothing, in my opinion. My DGS is only three, we grandparents often slip him the odd pound here and there and it soon adds up. Then, when he wants something DD he.ps him count out two amounts the same, then they buy what he wants with one and put the other I. His bank account, hopefully he will gradually appreciate the value of money.

Hello fellow Grans. Just joined Gransnet so forgive me if I make a mistake. Really interested in this subject- not that the GKs have phones but in how much time and effort they spend using them! I have an 11yr old GD- really concerned she is losing the ability to have a good verbal conversation and as for spelling........! Difficult to deal with. DS aware and does intervene at times but DiL has a different attitude. Any thoughts???

That sounds very sensible ellieBrum and would be what I chose to do.

Thanks for all your advice. I think keeping out of it and keeping the rants on GN (and not to my DD) is the way to go!

P.S. My own children were blessed with better family finances and were able to enjoy the school trips they liked and were fully supported when taking up a hobby or pursuit (with the proviso that it should be given a decent time to make sure it suited) They even had the choice of shoes they preferred but they soon learned that just blindly following trends was deemed a bit daft and to this day they are very much their own women with healthy attitudes to finances.

Yes oldbatty....its a fine line. I was the child who did not have the latest thingummybob at school...there were always trends for something even when there was a strict uniform policy. Most of the time I just sort of knew without asking that we could not afford it and I grew up not really wanting to put my poor overworked Mum on the spot. I would still feel quite hard done by but one day I can distinctly remember responding to yet another 'Oh you should have such and such' from a so called friend. I just blurted out ....'there are probably quite a few things I SHOULD have, but I don't. Honestly it was like the worm had turned and from then on the incidences of feeling left out of a trend were much reduced.
As I grew up and started to earn my own money and eventually had some disposable income I really enjoyed treating myself with something a bit special. That feeling of being able to earn and then spoil yourself is so good!

I think buying stuff because if they dont have it they'll be bullied is rather dangerous territory.

None of your business really, and I don't mean that to sound unkind. It's ok to have an opnion, but they are not your children, so you must take a back seat.

Only voice that opinion if asked for.

OldMeg - you may be right, it's plimsolls season again.

Anyway, as we've started I just want to comment on baby led weaning. It's 'the thing', all new parents are advised to do this so those who want to be the best they can, that is most of them, are following the advice. They're also introducing solids from 4 months again, rather than the 'law' that said 6 months not many months ago. This is because more children were developing allergies and health folks decided said weaning earlier would help.

I bet many of us were advised to put a rusk in our babies bottles to help them sleep through the night. I didn't do it because the advice was not to. My then mother in law thought I was crackers and told me so. That helped

Looks like ellieBrum never came back to comment on replies. Hope she’s not trying to find some cheap plimsolls.

My DGD is 10. She’s an only child and she does have everything so it’s hard to give her a treat of material goods. But I am giving her my knowledge instead by teaching her to sew and that has been very rewarding for both of us. We have a designated after school “class” for sewing. So far she has made pillowcases, leggings and a fabric storage cube. Next she is going to make a skirt. We make other things too. Next school holidays she wants us to make wax food wraps.

It is so hard to stand by and watch your dd give things like this to your dgd's when they are so young as when they grow older they will have had it all already so nothing special to them. My youngest son only allowed a phone on his 16th birthday. After left school and in Sixth Form and I told him if I heard just one complaint from Sixth Form teachers that he was using it in lessons he would lose it. I had to bite my tongue when my dd gave my dgs whole food not blended up, called baby led weaning. I was terrified he would choke as he seemed to bite bits off and keep in his mouth for ages but not chew them or swallow. Hard as it was I said nothing, because I don't want to put myself in a position where she might not bring them to see me as much. I advice keeping your own council and saying nothing as it is her decision to make.

My daughter only bought the basic item that was needed. If the children wanted anything more up market they had to use birthday or Christmas money for it. They have grown up into sensible money savvy adults with an eye for a bargain.

Thank you for responding to my request Skyandblossom with regard to acronyms.

The main worry for children of that age having a smart phone, is what they look at and who can contact them. Social media isn’t allowed at that age, so other than texting, why would they want a smart phone as it will have to be set to restrict, vulgar information.

I agree with you, but, as most folk have said, it's wiser to keep quiet or risk a falling out with your daughter. As someone who has older grandchildren, once they get a job they start to realise that money doesn't grow on trees and has to be earned. It does make buying them any sort of present at Xmas or birthdays hard, as they usually have everything! Just continue to rant on here, much, much safer xx

GoldenAge, I would not dream of walking on eggshells with my children regarding my grandchildren but, equally, I would not be rude and disrespectful enough to give an opinion that I have not been asked for. Admittedly I sometimes disagree with some of the practices I observe but I fully accept that I had my turn with my own children and woe betide any parent who corrected me then. My GC parents are every bit as well educated as me and I have no doubt they are applying their intelligence and instincts to rearing their children in a greater awareness of the dangers of modern technology than I have. As long as I see the evidence of the love and sacrifice that is manifest on my GC there will be no criticism from me as to the methods. It may sometimes be my concern but I am aware it is certainly none of my business. That's how I see it anyway.

It would worry me too the fact that the girls get everything handed on a plate, you are right saying that they will not learn the value of money, how could they as they have nothing to save or aspire for. Personally, I am able to speak to my 3AC about any issues that I have concerns with, and they do not take offence at all. A dear friend of mine gave her 2 kids everything they ever wanted in life. They are now in their 40’s and their lives are pretty hopeless. No savings, a lot of debt, and have had issues with gambling and alcohol. They have never grasped the fact that you have to pay your way in life 1st before you start spending. She can no longer help them out financially so has endured verbal abuse because of it, so awful to witness.

It's not the expensive iPhones, trendy shoes, designer jeans etc. that are the problem.

Children need to 'earn' privileges by doing extra chores and participating in activities that teach them the value of effort and empathy towards those who are less fortunate.

By working for the nice things they have they learn to appreciate them. A home allowance based on their contributions also teaches them the value of hard earned money.

Nothing wrong with giving them lovely iPhones however, if your GDs haven't somehow 'earned' them, they may very well be on their way towards developing a false sense of entitlement.

I don't know why an 9 year old would need to contact their parents by a mobile phone as they should still be at an age where they are under adult supervision at all times. I wouldn't buy a child a mobile phone until they could afford to pay the bills themselves. Too many children have too much at too early an age and should be taught to stand up to others who laugh at them because they don't have the 'correct' brands. A much better life lesson to learn than giving in to them.

I really do think a lot of you are living in the past.What your daughters choose to buy THEIR children or how they bring them up is no ones business but their own.No wonder so many have issues with D and DIL .I know I wouldn't have stood for any interference from my mother over my children and I can guarantee my daughter would have plenty to say about me sticking my oar in.As to always having fashionable clothes and shoes ...what on earths wrong with that? My late mother was born in the arly 1920's and she was always in fashion all her life and made sure we were too .