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AIBU

The world and it's mobile phone!

(26 Posts)
Deni1963 Sat 23-Jun-18 09:36:47

Feeling really irritated with my DD. She's 27, been living with me for 2 years since the birth of my DGD, and her partner also.
DGD is now over 2, a bright, intelligent, imagination sweetheart. When I look after her not a tantrum or tear as I spend time playing with her and reading etc.
But my daughter literally sits in the sofa on her mobile for hours, completely ignoring her, and then only seems to talk to her to tell her NO. I've tried talking to her about it, but that's not worked, she takes offence I'm telling her she is a bad mum, which she isn't. When she finally puts her phone down she is great. But it seems to be more phone than not.
Now I say nothing because it causes friction. I had hoped by my example seeing how less frustrated my DGD is, she would see its a matter of some quality time..... but no.

We are in the era of mobiles.... am I being unreasonable?

Luckygirl Sat 23-Jun-18 09:42:52

Does your DD work?

Deni1963 Sat 23-Jun-18 09:46:55

No she doesn't.

Caledonai14 Sat 23-Jun-18 10:15:30

Sadly, it's a generational thing and I get so frustrated with young parents in my wider family who cannot put phones down for a while to play with little ones. I'm also uncomfortable that so many people, including teenagers, are walking around with (effectively) cameras/recording devices constantly in their hands even in our own homes. In the normal rough and tumble of domestic life there are some things which should remain private...like disputes or silly moments ...or even those times we all have which you don't want broadcast to an unknown audience until everyone cools down. I remember when the only thing we had to worry about was mum dragging out the old naked-as-a-baby photo to show prospective adult partners. I am amazed at how many times school and club groups have to warn parents not to post pictures of other people's children online without permission. And how many times action has to be taken to remove photos - too late.

On the other hand, look how many times mobile footage has proved valuable in showing what actually happened in the course of a crime or wrong-doing in the streets.

I don't know what the answer is, but I can't help feeling sorry for the lack of self control concerning mobiles and a lack of understanding of what is appropriate or healthy.

glammanana Sat 23-Jun-18 10:49:21

Denil Is there any reason why your DD does not work as your DGD sounds old enough for possibly 12- 16hrs a week nursery care.

Day6 Sat 23-Jun-18 11:19:00

Yes, parents paying more attention to their phones than their little ones makes me angry too. Our children deserve our time and attention and our efforts. What ever happened to self sacrifice? My friend felt the same way Denil963 when she spent a fortnight looking after her 3 young GC during the summer holidays. Their parents would get in from work and sit at their laptops and engage with friends on-line when they got in. Her daughter didn't play or engage with the children at bathroom but sat on the loo checking her phone.

Human interaction is changing. There are children growing up being cheated out of the parental time and affection they ought to be receiving.

Day6 Sat 23-Jun-18 11:20:18

Bath time.

Ilovecheese Sat 23-Jun-18 11:34:29

Do you think that perhaps your daughter sees you spending a lot of time playing with your grandaughter and reading to her etc. and your daughter feels a bit pushed out and as if she can't compete with you?

Deni1963 Sat 23-Jun-18 11:46:07

Goodness no I've been very careful to give them a space as family amd I do work so I'm not always here - I expect when I'm not here it''s the same, and when I'm not here she constantly has her dummy. I have it away by simply playing and distracting her.
Makes me so incredibly sad, she rarely goes to playgroups etc, and I feel her world is limited to fitting in around the adults - when my two were little they had opportunities to explore and go out a lot. Childhood now seems to limited and isolating. Could be me as I've always worked with children.
They are moving out soon and talking about another baby.
I'm glad it's not me who feels incredibly sorry for the young generation now.

Smileless2012 Sat 23-Jun-18 11:59:00

No, your are not being unreasonable Denil. It saddens and angers me to see parents ignoring their children in favour of their mobile 'phones.

Only yesterday Mr. S. and I passed a little boy looking up at his father and chattering away only he seemed oblivious because he was engrossed on his 'phone.

thecatgrandma Sat 23-Jun-18 15:51:43

No you’re not being unreasonable. She sounds like a very poor parent, makes me wonder why she had a child and not just another piece of technology.

glammanana Sat 23-Jun-18 17:43:35

Is there a special reason as to why your DD does not go out to work,as I said previously your DGD is entitled to a nursery place I'm sure ? That would be far better than being left with a dummy whilst her mummy is "busy" on her phone all day.

Oopsadaisy53 Sat 23-Jun-18 21:50:38

Babies learn so much from making eye contact with their parents, learning facial expressions and how to communicate. I’m afraid that parents who fail to interact with their babies as they grow up to be toddlers and then young children are being bad parents, there are no second chances with this.

agnurse Sun 24-Jun-18 03:40:41

Definitely it's not the best parenting, and it is sad. That said, it's not on for you to criticize her parenting. If you have serious concerns, that warrants a call to the social services.

JenniferEccles Mon 25-Jun-18 13:09:34

You say daughter in law doesn't work, yet they have been living with you for two years.

Surely she should be back at work and saving hard for their own place now they have got a small child?

Grrrr…. the mobile phone obsession! I too hate it.

There was a piece in our paper recently about how so many children these days start school unable to speak properly, because their mothers have spent more time on those blasted phones than interacting with their children.

Very sad, and unfortunately I don't see an end to it.

Bridgeit Mon 25-Jun-18 14:03:04

I think you should talk to her again to say that whilst she is not a bad mum as such, she should not be talking on her phone but interacting, parenting & teaching her daughter valuable social skills. We see it all the time ,even to the extent of seeing a woman crossing a road child whilst still chatting on a mobile , not even checking that the child was safely crossing or being taught how to safely cross, makes me mad 😡

Marmight Mon 25-Jun-18 14:19:10

My Oz DD is constantly on her phone. However when I did dare mention it she explained that her whole life revolves around it. 4 children all at different stages of school and activities, playdates, sports fixtures, homework and everything, but everything is organised and communicated via email and text. (The eldest GS does all his schoolwork on a laptop and is overseen by the teachers via the same method) She even orders their school lunch on it. So I do 'get it' but how sad that it has come to this.

Bellasnana Mon 25-Jun-18 14:27:17

I’m another who had my knuckles rapped for suggesting DD2 might do better to put her phone down and pay attention to her child.

DGD is now 7 years old and her mother still seems surgically attached to her phone. I despair, I really do, and definitely think you are not being unreasonable Deni1963

wildswan16 Mon 25-Jun-18 14:51:53

As many others, I hate to see parents ignoring their children while glued to the phone. However, I do try to remember that their phone is also their newspaper, magazine, library book, diary, camera, calculator, message service, alarm clock, shopping trip etc etc.

There is no excuse however, for not talking to your children.

Beau Mon 25-Jun-18 15:33:49

I'm another who has had words with DD over this issue - you are not being unreasonable - the poor children will think this is normal behaviour and that's what upsets me as well as the lack of engagement.

Fennel Mon 25-Jun-18 15:48:17

Our grandchildren are all older and their parents weren't quite so addicted, TG. I agree completely with your view, Denil.
I was reading an article about this too, among other things saying that if a mother is absorbed on the phone the child senses she's not 'with' him or her emotionally. They must miss out on important stages of development.

Fennel Mon 25-Jun-18 15:50:49

ps another point as we well know is that being a mother of a young child is an extremely demanding job, so in a way you can understand them wanting a break. But it's a responsibility they took on.

varian Mon 25-Jun-18 19:36:14

Thank goodness my DGCs have not grown up with parents who ignore them, because they are fixated on their mobile phones. The youngest is ten. Perhaps I would not be able to be so confident if they were younger.

mumofmadboys Mon 25-Jun-18 21:59:36

I think all you can do is model 'good behaviour' and play with your GD. Perhaps your DD will eventually notice that her DD is a lot happier with plenty of attention. I think you should bite your tongue. Hope things get better

HurdyGurdy Tue 26-Jun-18 06:25:44

I heard on the radio a few weeks ago that a survey was carried out amongst young children (I think 5-8 years old) asking them what they wish had never been invented.

They had the usual, expected answers of school, and dentists, and homework, but the overwhelming majority answered "the mobile phone", because their parents never put them down to play. How very sad.

Of course, ask those same children in another 7 or 8 years' time and I suspect the answers would be very different! But "out of the mouths of babes", eh?