grand daughter buying a car

Key questions OP are:-
Did you keep the agreement a secret from him?
If so, why?
Who owns your home?
Has he always been antagonistic towards your family?
Are you afraid of him?
Do you still see your family outside the home?
If so how does he deal with that?
If you let us know all the facts we will be in a better position to give you advice.
We are here to support you, please don't be afraid.

This sounds like you’re afraid to confront him. If he knows how unhappy this situation is making you, why is he persisting with this ban. Be aware he is not acting in your best interest, his behaviour is both controlling and districtove. You can put an end to this if you really want to, only you have the power to take control. I hope you find the strength and courage you need.

Oh dear, buds8. Your post is rather alarming. Your DH has absolutely no right whatsoever to try to ban you from seeing your family in your home. Even if the home is owned by your DH (you don’t make this clear), the fact is your relationship with DH should be a partnership between you, not one partner dictating what can and cannot happen.
It sounds as if you still have some contact with your children and grandchildren - I really hope so. You must keep this contact and actually as someone up thread said, invite them for lunch soon. After all, the house you share with DH is your home too - you can’t let him ban your family from it. He comes across, from your description of events, as controlling. This is a form of abuse, and you must stand up to him. Be brave and good luck.

Ban them from your house ? And you are letting him do this ? Come on lady stand up to this jealous bully or is there something you're not telling us ? Don't mean to be harsh but this is ridiculous in this day and age.

There is a relative of my OH's whom I am never very pleased to see - I do not ban her from the house - it is his house too - but I do find an important appointment or some gardening to do!

There is something awry here that needs sorting budds8 - time to put a stop to this domination.

I'm sorry, but he sounds like a horrible bully. Do you have to stay with him? Can you get support from family to leave?

Doe anybody else hear that sort of echoing silence you get when you’re talking to someone on the phone and they’ve hung up?
I hope I am wrong but I don’t think OP is listening any more.

MawBroon maybe her "dear" husband has "banned" her from this site...

I'm trying to see this from a slightly different perspective.

In principle I agree with all those who say you should just invite your DD and GC round and tell your DH that he can stay in and be polite or go out for the day.

But is this advice really something you can do? My DH is not a controlling person, and neither am I, but if I said something like that to him, or he to me, it would lead to an almighty row, which certainly would not improve matters.

So I understand why you would not want to follow the advice given.

However, from the little you have told us, I certainly find it hard to know what is really going on, but as you are still living with your husband, I assume you love him and are between a rock and a hard place.

Has your GD paid back the entire loan that you cautioned for?

If she has, perhaps you could ask your husband whether this being the case he is prepared to invite them into YOUR ( I mean your and his) home again? Explain to him how much you dislike not being able to see your children and grandchildren at home and that the entire situation upsets you.

Surely three years is time enough for him to forgive you for using your own money without consulting him?

If he is still adamant that he will not have them in the house, you will either have to go on seeing your family in their homes, or give your husband an ultimatum , always assuming that you are willing to consider leaving him, that is.

Jealous and controlling comes to mind. Not all domestic abuse comes with a fist at the end of it. This man is definitely abusing you. I would certainly have a rethink about your relationship. Why would anyone who genuinely loved and cared for you want to put you through the hurt that it's obviously causing you. Anyone can lose their cool and in that moment ban your family from the house but to uphold that ban.............no I don't think so.

Yes, Maw. I have a feeling we've been here before but then I did when I read the OP.

Could be wrong of course.

Please don't put up with this BS, I did so many years ago and it only ends in even MORE controlling behaviour. You have a right to be happy. Do what makes you happy. If he loves you he will support you in whatever makes you happy, and if he doesn't, LEAVE! It is YOUR one life, and you're not getting another one! Hugs xxx

Maw you may be right about the line going dead :-(

Maw, maybe so, or maybe OP only allowed to use internet when DH not around? Been there too......

A man versus my family....no contest....I'd tell him exactly where he stood......what a nerve

Not holding my breath .......

I think there’s a few posts that have just been to set a hare arunning.......

Maybe his behaviour has gone on for so long both of you feel it's ok but believe me after 27 years of it I realized I deserved better and people will only treat you as you allow them to confront him it's your home as well how dare he ban your family he is a bully.

If you've put up with this for 3 years, why are you suddenly asking for advice. Has something happened to make you suddenly need advice? Three years is a long time to be subservient and then wonder if it is reasonable.
If I were your daughter and family, I would be most upset if my mother just accepted this as being ok for such a long time. How do your family feel about this? Would they support you if you decided you wanted to leave?
As for your DD knowing that her DD was going to ask you, why is that unacceptable? I would prefer to speak directly to my DGD if it were me as she would be the one paying the loan.

I think Budd has gone maybe the answers weren’t what she wanted to hear or maybe she’s in a pickle about what to do but if she’s gone along with this for three years I should think the estrangement or banning is well and truely entrenched Im amazed the daughter hasn’t put her foot down but I don’t think we ll ever know

This seems to be a very strange scenario with too many unanswered questions. For instance, what exactly did your husband blame your daughter for? If your GD was already keeping up with payments? Was there a previous discussion about money or buying a car? Was he angry because you have been 'stung' previously maybe? Or was your daughter at the end of it then and refused to co-sign for her own daughter?

On the face of it, it sounds like your husband is simply being unreasonable but there's niggling doubt (again) wondering what the build up to all this was? Otherwise its the proverbial - sledge hammer to crack a nut!

On the other hand if, as others have asked, this is just a long line of controlling measures by your husband; I hope now you have got the advice you are doing something about it.

Good luck

Great comment merlotgran. Totally spot on.

Don't be bullied like this it is totally unreasonable, invite the family for lunch if he doesn't like he needn't be there, he is way out of line.
Grans value children and grandchildren above all else it about time he realized it.

what is going on here ? these are your flesh and blood and if you want them to come to your home to see you ,they should ,that man is going to have a very lonely old age the way he is going on ,,you see your GD and your DD ,please dont stop seeing them and tell this tyrant of a person to go

...tumbleweed blowing around.....