To feel just a little bit miffed.....

ha ha lilyflower
I know well what this means.
Cheeky F**k*r
For those fainthearted amongst us we can rename it

Cheeky Fellow.

gabriellag
wow- pastries as well. Yum.

I knew there was coffee available with the card, I've witnessed many nasty and aggressive rants aimed at the Waitrose staff when the machine is out of order or cups run out.
I cannot abide coffee but quite fond of anything cake related.
mmmm cake.

Over on Mumsnet there is a useful acronym which might be relevant here, it is CF. If you are easily offended, don't look it up.

It is a universal truth that as soon as one gives up a car one totally forgets how much they cost. Not only petrol but all the other bits and pieces.
Perhaps it’s time for some car stickers along the lines of.. This vehicles costsxxx per mile to run, the chauffeur likes red ?.

gmelon
If either person is a regular in Waitrose and has a 'MyWaitrose' card, then the drink and pastry are free.

The idea of what 'well off' means, varies widely.

She may well be waxing lyrical about you to the 'other' friend, innocently? playing you off against each other.
If I were you, I'd make a note of the day, the destination and mileage you cover plus anything else you do for her and her husband (pushing shopping cart, unloading shopping etc). Do this every single time and, if things get to a point where she praises the other 'friend' but never gifts you anything such as coffee, lunch or petrol, just send a note detailing all the help you've freely given over the months.
Sounds as if she takes you for granted. I'd be unavailable for a while but point out that you're sure her other friend will be happy to oblige.
That should sort it.
BTW...have you spoken to the other friend? Why not have a subtle conversation with her to see if she gets the same treatment as you?

Legs55 Most people who are reasonably well off are tight with money, that's why they have plenty whilst those of us less well off are generous with our time

What an unpleasant remark.
I am reasonably well off.
I am not tight with money, and being tight with money is not the reason that I have enough to live comfortably in retirement.

The reasons are :
1. I was taught not to be extravagant.
2. I had the benefit of a good education, for which I have always been grateful.
3. Apart from a few years when I was a stay-at-home mother, I worked hard in what was often a stressful job.
4. I went without things in my working life so I could pay into a private pension.
5. MrA and I have managed to stay married for 48 years and thus avoid the financial fallout of divorce.

So don’t accuse me of being tight, just because I am reasonably well off.
I am sure there are many other gransnetters whose circumstances are similar to mine.

And if you think I’m smug, then I’m sorry, not sorry.

I wonder if you look anything like “your” pic on Facebook, Maw?

willingly*

Could she use the bus to get there, meet up together and you bring her back?
This would allow you some measure of freedom beforehand.
I think you should have your coffee and danish in Waitrose as this is part of your routine and the friend in question will have to -willing offer to pay for this for you- allow for this.
After all, the friend is presumably joining your shopping trip.

Your mention of Bedford brought back some memories, I spent some years living in Ampthill, essential was a weekly visit to Bedford for the shops and market. I see they have a Waitrose in Ampthill now.

I think muffinthemoo has probably hit it on the head. This person probably IS telling the other lady how wonderful you are and setting up a sort of competition between you. It is not a very nice person who takes advantage of both of you in this way.

I hope you do what others have suggested - make yourself much less available and hopefully this person will get the message. If the other lady continues being used like this, that's up to her.

Mawbroon, maybe your friend wax,s lyricle about you when you are not there?

Jenpax...brilliant

That phrase, "she never learned"...it's such a copout, isn't it. In a perfect world they would decide to learn, since DH cannot serve as their chauffeur any more. But they don't, they just swan along expecting someone else to take the role.

I know several women like this, cheerfully taking advantage of others who have bothered to learn to drive. I'd say, stop making yourself so available. You don't have to step into the chauffeur's role just because she can't be bothered to learn this skill.

I may have missed this if said before but it's not unreasonable to ask for fuel money. I don't drive but if I go anywhere with my friend we always share fuel. Maybe work out an average over a month and ask her for that.

Yes, good advice to become less available.

Smile sweetly (you can do thar over the phone too!) and say ‘sorry, no can do, but xxx will doubtless take you, after all you were only saying the other day how she’s always willing to put herself out for friends’ ?

Become less available, and explain petrol is very expensive these days, if you were to receive a"contribution" it would surely make her feel better, and would help you a great deal.
Try to regain your "freedom" and not be a cheap taxi service,I think this person has got a nerve to be honest, she doesnt deserve a friend like you.

I suspect she spends her time with the other friend telling her how wonderful you are, and playing both sides against the middle to try and drum more time and effort out of you both.

I am a natural cynic but this smells of treacle laced with poison to me. The sweetest surfaced people are often the most manipulative.

Maw,
One of our most basic human needs is to be valued and appreciated, especially when we go out of our way to do something nice for someone. My immediate reaction to your post is that you are not being unreasonable.

You have driven her on your own time and at your own expense, many times. Did she ever even utter a 'thank you' before or after she gushed out all her 'lyrical' praise for the other one?

So, after all that, if you're still willing to drive her around (out of sheer kindness) then go ahead, do it anyway but don't expect anything in return. She may be ungrateful, insensitive and boorish, but you knew that already.

There is a difference between doing what makes you happy or doing what other people want. By all means, do spend more time on yourself doing the things YOU want and love. Shop at John Lewis (never been..I live in the US), but it sounds lovely, so go for it. Buy yourself something grand and enjoy some Coffee and Danish on me.

When you have to ask yourself whether or not you're being taken advantage of, listen to your own inner voice. If that's what this feels like, then it's time put a stop to it. Next time she asks, tell her you're too busy. Say something like "Today doesn't really work for me, sorry ...maybe next time".

coffee and

maybe you could tell her you are a bit weary of the situation? You could drop the Waitrose one and come to an arrangement about petrol money for the remaining trips?

I had this scenario for a while after my elderly neighbour decided to give up driving , quite sensibly , after a near miss. I took him everywhere and it began to get a bit much ... he’s a very gentle sort of man but with a very bad view of the role of women ! One day , I’d been out to the gym and just popped my head around the door , as I did every day to check all was well and found him sitting, in his hat and coat, as if he was waiting for something. I cheerily chirped up and asked what he was waiting for ... his answer ,
“ A taxi, but YOURE here, now!”........ I was livid and from then on I made myself very much more unavailable ! He was not poor so could afford cabs and he occasionally gave me money for petrol which I mostly refused .... but he upset my feminist Alta ego!!!! Grrrrrr!

I would start being a lot less 'available'. You are clearly ferrying this lady around an awful lot - twice in one day?? There seems to be an element of taking it all for granted so I would still be friends, still give her occasional lifts, but she seems to be perfectly able to afford a cab if she needs a ride anywhere, and of course she is saving a fortune not running a car - unlike you!

Vent away I don't think you are unreasonable as you are being totally taken for granted. I take my elderly friend to a book club once a week and elsewhere occasionally but she is always grateful. She would occasionally insist on giving me £10 towards the petrol even though I tried to say no as she says it is only fair because of the price of petrol so now if we are out and we have a snack and a coffee which is only occasionally bless her she likes to treat me which I try to accept with grace. I once was very taken for granted by a neighbour taking her for chemo, doing shopping etc, visiting her in hospital and taking home her dirties as she had fallen out with all her relatives. I didn't mind doing it but as I also worked part time and was looking after two other elderly relatives I was shattered, she never offered me a penny and I vowed to be a bit more careful in the future as I barely even ahd a word of thanks. I started to say I am sorry I only shop once a week and you will have to have your groceries bought on the day I shop and strangely the world didn't come to an end. I would say your shopping day is Friday and they will have to accompany you or otherwise you will be too busy to take them because of other commitments you don't have to explain further. I had help when my husband was having radiotherapy 5 times a week for 5 weeks friends bless them took him for half of the time as my health isnt very good. I offered them all the petrol money and all refused so I donated the cost to the local cancer charity and would now do anything for them.

Mawbroon. you have every right to feel the way that you do. It is insensitive to place a' halo' on one person who assists her and not a 'peep' about the other. You.
I would not be so forth coming following these remarks and as you say it is not all about the money but you too have a life so the only advice I give is pick and chose what you want to do for her. If she is so needy then she can
always go to the one she gives her praises to.