To feel just a little bit miffed.....

Get a tin with a slit in it for petrol money and leave it on the seat. Tell her what it is for and that at the moment if you keep on driving three times a week when you would normally stay at home that you will be short of money and that you need this cash for the upkeep of the car.
Tell her what a car costs. petrol, check ups, insurance and losing value each year.

Well done!

That’s good to hear Maw.

A quick update.
While I was away I spotted an email (addressed to the third “driving” friend as well as myself) in which my non-driving friend said that she had a Dr’s appointment first thing this morning. The “driving friend” said she was away and would not be back in time to help out, but as there was no direct request to me for a lift I decided not to react but just to ignore it.
It turns out she booked a mini cab herself from a personally recommended and very helpful firm and got herself there and back. So she can do it.
If I had been asked directly I dare say I would have done it for her, but I thought I would just hold back. Somehow I feel a little less put upon now. The “driving friend” has offered to take her shopping and as I am going to visit DD and DGS again to babysit I feel no guilt or compunction to offer anything else. I think a balance has been restored.

She is taking advantage of you and not even grateful. I would make excuses and stop driving her around. Say you cannot afford to run the car as much due to the cost of fuel and see if that concentrates her mind more on the inconvenience and cost to you.

My friend has epilepsy and has been unable to drive and unable to work. She always plans for a taxi or bus and never ever expects a ride. People are willing to give her rides because she is always grateful. We attend the same church and I have told her she always has a ride home with me. If I have something I need to do that I can’t take her I will tell her upfront. She is a pleasure to be around.

janeainasworth that's me you were talking about lol. My husband has been known to travel the half hour journey to town on the train, which he loves, and I meet him there in the car. When he asks if I'm going on the train, he gets that look.lol. I only use the train if we are going to the theatre and I want to have a glass of wine. ( this is nothing to do with the OPs question.sorry)

Hospitals

To revert to the original topic, I think the key is 'she never learned to drive.' For our generation, seventies and younger, that is a deliberate choice, and I would think this friend has enjoyed a lifetime of being ferried around by her husband, now that he is unable to do so she expects others to take his place. If this offends people who have chosen not to drive, so be it. My aunt learned to drive in her late fifties when my uncle was stricken with motor neurone disease, and negotiated the Manchester traffic to various hospital with aplomb.

I spent six months last year unable to drive through illness, and while I hated the loss of my independence I began to see the advantages of being driven from door to door, not having to find a parking space, negotiate busy traffic, and of course, the saving in petrol and car tax. I did make contributions for petrol, and am now able to reciprocate by giving lifts to all the kind people who helped me.

The unfavourable comparison with another friend, the insistence on shopping on the day of her choice, not yours, the objection to coffee in the cafe and a complete lack of any form of recompense, indicate a woman used to having her own way, with a steely determination to continue doing so.
The demands for help will increase, and it is significant that the children are not available for much help; the son tried to help her use online shopping, which she refused to learn; they have probably had a lifetime of this.

The only way to deal with her is to become unavailable for trips that you are not intending to make. ie to the supermarket and the Surgery. Suggest a taxi. Doubtless she will contrive to make you feel guilty, but I think you can ride that out.

Goodness, what an overreaction to janeainsworth's question.

Girls...girls...girls... calm down
Now shake little fingers and make friends
What a kerfuffle!

janeainsworth You used a nasty phrase. That rather belies your comment that you are never nasty. People are entitled to stand up for themselves including on social media which is all I have done and it is sad that you don't have it in you to apologise but so be it.

jaycee I am never intentionally nasty to anyone, and your suggestion that I might be, says more about you than it does about me.
But just carry on being upset over nothing.

Jalima1108 I am not sure how that really helps. Of course not all drivers. As I have explained, it was a flippant comment which obviously I now regret making as people have chosen to take it the wrong way but I do not see how that makes 'What's your problem?' anything but nasty or why that is part of an answer even by someone who did for some reason choose to take my flippant comment seriously. It seemed to be added gratuitously after the 'answer'.

Small fee and I'll be available

perhaps we need you gmelon

Oh dear I went away for just a short while. Lovely friendly thread.
What's gone wrong?

I don't expect drivers to take me anywhere but have you ever tried suggesting going by public transport to people who drive. They look at you like you are demented.

I just thought that janeainsworth was answering that statement which is not necessarily true of all drivers, Jaycee - in fact probably not true of most drivers who live near public transport.

Perhaps they looked like that because they thought it was a surprising question - especially if, like most older people, they have a bus pass which they use.

janeinasworth I hate to think what phrases you use to people you are intending to be nasty to. If it wasn't intended you would have apologised.
It is called hyperbole. It was a joke. Of course I wasn't seriously suggesting that no one who drives a car ever uses public transport. There is no point explaining a joke to someone who has decided to take it seriously and use it against you.

jaycee My comment wasn’t intended to be nasty.
I just wondered why you seem to think that anyone who has a car would bridle at the suggestion that they use public transport. Most people I know do both. Describing them as looking at you as if you were demented seemed slightly over the top.

Note to self, don't make tongue in cheek comment on Gransnet, and don't think you are necessarily entitled to join in with what you think is a friendly chat.
No-one has suggested that you aren’t entitled to join an any thread you like, have they?

MawBroon you are right to be miffed. To praise a mutual friend to the exclusion of the present friend is discourteous. I doubt if your non-driving friend is being aggressive . It's more likely that she has not learned that lesson.

I wonder if there is a passage from Jane Austen that illustrates this: something for your Book Club?

MawBroon No. 'what's your problem' is a friendly comment!
Note to self, don't make tongue in cheek comment on Gransnet, and don't think you are necessarily entitled to join in with what you think is a friendly chat.

I don’t think janeainsworth made any nasty comment at all.
As for saying people look at you as if you were demented, not my experience so I don’t know where that came from.

janeainsworth Aside from the nastiness of your comment I don't have a problem. I was just giving a (slightly tongue in cheek) other view.
Of course people who drive use public transport but some rarely use it and it is their choice to drive rather than go a different way.