tell me I'm not BU

julia I feel you original post lacked detail. Your son's response was positive in that he is OK for you to come up, just needs to check.

The question that arises, is why is your son in work, voluntarily, when everyone else is on holiday. Is his company in trouble. Is he worried about the security of his job. It may be he has serious worries on his mind, other than when you come to stay. How often do you text him? Several times a day? Only to make arrangements? I fyou are constantly peppering him with texts, he may be replying with half a mind and not much else.

In his failure to do so, have you thought of contacting his wife - phone call or email, rather than text.

I am afraid too little information.

How long has it been since you sent your text? His reply sounds perfectly ok to me. He would obviously have to check with his wife, but if there has been no reply, and a couple of days have gone by, he could have just forgotten. He was alone at work and presumably very busy. I would definitely now phone and hopefully you could speak to dil. Just be very friendly and ask if your proposed date (unless it’s gone) would be convenient. If not, arrange another one. I’m sure their lives are very hectic but hope you arrange something soon. Please let us know.

Texting like emails is not always satisfactory and easily misunderstood. NfkDumpling has good advice about a visit. I understand your disappointment but we have to accept we are no longer central to the lives of our adult children. Talk to your family don't be resentful.

DC do not talk to each other, if I need to get information about GC and childcare I send a message to DS and DIL in the hope that one will give me the information I need.
I find that the younger generation do not seem to plan ahead except for their much needed holidays

It’s easy to find yourself bending over backwards to keep on the right side of DC and then finding that you’re being taken for granted. Perhaps you could invite them to your house?

An abrupt text when DS is at work and busy isn’t unusual I would have thought but I would be piqued if he didn’t get back to me that evening and would ring the following evening.

Was it this weekend you were wanting to visit? When did you send the text and how long have you been waiting for a reply?
I ask this because people work on different time frames. It’s not unusual in our family for a couple of days or more to elapse between texts. Text means not urgent, reply any time (or not sometimes!). Phone call if response is needed.

Also I am wondering a bit about the home baking. They’ve left home, you don’t still have to cook for them?

Do you think it’s maybe time to start building up a life that’s less child orientated? This isn’t a nasty comment. It’s a stage of life that most of us have had to embrace. I found that I was not Mum, or Wife or even Granny as a central figure, and had to rediscover ME, independently of my family.

No advice but I think you need some

Julie why are you wanting your post removed after only two replies Are you very easily offended?
I can totally understand where you are coming from and how disappointing it is for you I think it was more so because it came in top of younger son changing his visiting times but once our children have left home to start their own lives we have to accept second best and often third or fourth or fifth best They have to put their wives and children first You say it’s always you doing the travelling do you go to visit fairly often ?
I don’t think you are annoyed just very very disappointed Do you have a strong life outside your boys ?You sound on your own when days can be long but for a working man with a family or a young person starting out days can be very short and very busy and boys aren’t the best at keeping in touch ( generally)
Don’t disappear if your a bit lonely this forum can be a good place to come

Your sons probably think you will live forever so, for them. it is not a big deal if they don't see you this weekend or next weekend or whenever. Daughters tend to be a little bit sharper about this, although, they still think you will live forever. It's their nature – but I would guess they still love you lots.

Well if he was at work he presumably wasn’t in a position to consult either his wife or the family calendar at the time.
Is your relationship with your DIL not such that you can ask her? In my experience it is usually the wife who both has a handle on what the family commitments are, what their plans are and as she presumably is in charge of the domestic arrangements, whether it is convenient.
600 miles away is a long way- was this a spontaneous visit?

Well, actually, he's the only one in, voluntarily, because the company is closed for the holidays. OK. Please ignore my question everyone. I'll get it removed. I wasn't being offended just so disappointed that my sons never seem to want to see me, and I never say anything about it, just try to be positive.

Why don't you phone rather than text.You can then catch him when he is not at work.I can empathise as I have a son who is similar but he is very busy with work and family so I just have to keep persisting.

Scrub the last sentence,

No, don’t be. That’s part for the course. He’s at work, might be unable to comment further and busy there and of course he needs to check with his wife.

Wait until you hear back about this befire getting offended.

Should add that we all work full-time (I'm heading for 70), so working around times suitable for everyone is tricky. I'm just being stupid, I know.