Thank you tradition.

If ever we go out for dinner, or meet with friends or family, I always email or text the next day to thank them for a nice time. I don’t always receive the same courtesy. I never receive thanks from nieces or nephews for money gifts and that does gal me somewhat. It is so easy these days to keep in touch and everyone seems to be on screens for hours, so why not a quick line.

yes , pride in oneself very good. I like that.

Tartlet, I read your post carefully, and I wonder if you yourself have that, perhaps unspoken, strong bond with your grand children which resulted from early years bonding with them and them with you.

old batty wrote:

"I'm not sure gift giving and chalking up the amount or format of thanks is a good way to improve family relations."

This is what I have been unsure about! I have rationalised that a nice gift does not imply reciprocity. I was mistaken.

I am not Jesus Christ and I do expect to be recognised as a person with feelings otherwise I feel and actually am not recognised as existing.

The time has come for me to have more pride in myself and stop sucking -up.

I'm not sure gift giving and chalking up the amount or format of thanks is a good way to improve family relations.

What do I know? My family is truly horrendous.

My granddaughter recently had her 17 th birthday. I visited her the day before and handed over a card with money enclosed which she put to one side till the next day. I have heard no more. Personally I do not find this acceptable. She could easily have texted. However she thanks every single person, including me, who sends her good wishes on Facebook. I have to be satisfied with that.
I send my nephew one cheque to cover his three children’s Birthdays. I know it gets paid in, but that’s it. I gave up on Christmas presents when I did not even hear that my carefully chosen gifts had arrived safely. As we never meet up, except at weddings and funerals, it is hard to maintain a relationship. Sad, isn’t it.

I give birthday and Christmas presents to all my children, grandchildren and great children regardless of age. I can’t imagine not giving them a present just because they grow up. Unless a gift is given face to face, it’s rare for me to get a thank you from the older grandchildren but rare not to get a thank you from the younger ones who I imagine do it at their parent’s behest. I don’t begrudge the lack of a thank you (but I do notice it) not am I ever tempted to stop giving gifts because I don’t get a thank you in return. Family is family and I try to treat them as I would like to be treated.

Friends, acquaintances, nieces, nephews etc. are another matter. The latter get presents until they are 18 with no thank you strings attached. The former only get presents if I wish to buy them something and a lack of a thank you would most probably mean that I didn’t get the urge to buy anything the following year.

I always buy something for family new babies and thank yous sometimes come and sometimes don’t. I gave a niece what I thought was a generous monetary wedding present recently but got no acknowledgement at all. I thought that was very bad manners since I think wedding presents should always be acknowledged.

I think the best attitude to take for ones state of mind is to give without expecting anything in return and, if you can’t do that, don’t give.

I hope that doesn’t sound too trite.

I know from experience with my own children and my mother who didn’t really bother with them at all ever, that the child and grandparent relationship can sometimes be a strained and rather remote one. I think a lack of contact especially in the early years prevents the strong bond which we would all like to have with our family members.

Its the way most people teach their children to say thank you.
It sounds like this person needs a brush up on this particular lesson.

hang on to the end of a present?

Can't people just give things and be happy?

Darling- present when we catch up. Write this in the birthday or xmas card. (If you don't see him, eat, drink or spend his present). When you do get to hand the present over remember to hang on to your end of it until he says thank you- as we did when the children were small (training!) A verbal thanks is enough.

Alexa, you are quite an intriguing person!

Lovebeigecardigans wrote:

"Put it this way, if they didn't get a present would they complain?"

I am sure my grandson would not complain. He seems to expect nothing from me, and if he gets something from me he doesn't seem to appreciate it.

I must look to my own motivations which possibly require some adjusting.

old batty, I have been really active in the past when I was a little younger , even just four or so years ago,and more energetic, and that has incidentally gained me a few friends who are now dead, but I do join in with what I feel capable of .
I enjoy solitude and my loneliness is not due to solitude.

must take a lot of energy, all this holding in of anger.

I'm sorry to say it appears to be the norm these days. I've heard the excuse, "Well, it's family so it doesn't matter," but it DOES matter.
Put it this way, if they didn't get a present would they complain?

He does sound deliberately rude, re the yawning, and sadly you don't seen to have a good relationship with him.

I think next time I'd sponsor a donkey /or other charity donation for a year, in his name. Sometimes the charity will send feedback to the named person. At least your money well be going somewhere it's appreciated, and he will know you've thought of him.

My BIL very , very ,rarely says thank you for presents- birthday or Christmas. I find it very hurtful. I have recently just sent a card for a birthday and no present. I wonder if my S will say anything.

Saying thank you is just basic manners and respect, plus he is old enough to know right from wrong. Yawning in your face etc is just so wrong. I’d stop giving him money, if he can’t say thanks he can’t be that bothered about it. Tell him you will put it away for him until he learns both manners and respect.... then he may get given it at a later date.

I usually give my teenage GS and GD cash for birthdays and Christmas. Not a huge amount, but all I can afford. GS never used to thank me. When he reached 17, and again hadn't acknowledged his card and cash I sent him a Facebook message. "People who forget to say thank you for gifts may find that the gifts don't arrive any more!"
Within the hour I received a thank you message, and he has not missed one since!

You are quite right to be upset as I am. I am a widow,live on a very modest pension but give my 4 grandsons money at Christmas and birthdays rarely get a thank you.

I'm with Jenpax on this. I don't think the lack of thanks would ever stop me giving to anyone if I wanted to. As for blaming the lack of courtesy on the parents, well...... my children were thoroughly schooled in this arena but, disappointingly, as mature adults, they sometimes omit to acknowledge receipt of a gift, monetary or otherwise. However, I never give a gift in anticipation of thanks even though I appreciate it when it happens. Actually prefer feedback to thanks. Funny old world.

*third

The ex bofriend of my middle DD never gave thanks either.
They'd been living together for two years when I met him. First Xmas I sent him a separate card. Second year I asked her what she would like then had it delivered but what about him...
We'd never spoken so I asked DD and she suggested a computer/Xbox game. She must have asked his choice so I looked on Amazon. £49.99
Nevertheless, I felt I had to stump up and it was duly sent.
Not a word in response, not even by a tbird party, my DD.
A couple of months after NYear I visited (it takes a day to get there) for a weekend but not a word was said about the FIFTY POUND GIFT.
I never bothered again and a year later they split and I was never more glad.
Manners are rarely displayed nowadays...or so it seems.

muffin, dont want to disagree for the sake of it, but I think people are capable of acting in different ways in different circumstances.

Of course he won't be yawning in the face of a future employer or his boss.

Give him nothing, and lots of it!
I know you say it's not in your make up to be confrontational, but the next time he disrespects you have a word in the ignorant oafs ear.