To find the use of 'passed' instead of died irritating?

I too find the word that someone has passed quite irritating.
of course everybody must use the language that is right for them and using passed, may make things easier for them to talk about what has happened to a love one.
but personally, I like to call a spade a spade and if somebody has died that is the word I use.

My husband is NOT dead! He is still very much alive in spirit and in our hearts in our family.

The only time I use the word death is when I quote this pen quote which is for impact: It is "Death ended my husband's life. It did NOT end our relationship"

I am still married as far as I am concerned. The only time I use widowed is on a legal document that I have too.

My husband has passed away to me. We did NOT attend his funeral. We speak of it as his service or celebration of life service and the gathering afterwards.

Dead, died, death, funeral, funeral home, wake are too harsher words for me.

It's more gentler to use simpler words with children too. I agree about not using the words like sleeping as I can see how they may frighten.

Yes I do have a faith and I do believe I will pass away and join my husband and he will be waiting for me in spirit.

"We are not human beings looking for a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience" Echart Tolle.

My faith isn't conventional however I do not believe when we are dead that's it.

I also do not believe my husband has gone (he passed away in March 2018) my husband is not a was. He is an is. That's how I talk about him in the was and is. In the now.

I have my well husband back now as I can hear what he would say to me and I natter to him daily.

His love is still with us along with all he was and is.

Nothing has changed. He can't be seen by the earthly eye that's all. It's like saying the world ends when you can't see passed a certain point of the sea and ocean. It doesn't. This is the same

I don't care what other language people use with their loved ones. That's their choice. Ours is to use the language we use. Fortunately those around me also respect this and do it themselves.

Oh and incase your wondering what we used, where my husband was taken after his passing, it was to the name of the directors and their name

I don't object to the word 'died' being said to me at all. Its just a word.
Its a word though, that I often don't want to say in the same sentence as my child's name.
Its just too painful.

I am the same. If people say someone has, "passed" I tend to ask, "passed what? Their driving test? If so, congratulations. A kidney stone? My sympathies they're painful, but glad it's out."
When my mother died, lots of people commiserated that I'd, "lost her". I didn't lose her! I'm not that careless! She died. And I wept. For months. It's nearly 8 years ago now and I still weep sometimes.
Using plain, simple language is not an indication of heartlessness. I feel your pain. I'll sit and listen to your grief. I'll hold your hand for as long as you want until I grow numb with the inactivity. I'll feed your cat and water your plants and dust and hoover when you have lost the will to do so, and remind you to eat and drink yourself, but I'll always use plain and simple language, out of respect for my dead mum.

My first thought was “hate passed” but having read the posts I realise how high handed that is. It’s up to the bereaved how they refer to it so, although I’ve never voiced my thoughts, I’m sorry for having them and will count my blessings that I haven’t had the experiences some have had.

Baggs you are quite right. Dead, died etc is succinct and the only language we were taught to use in A/E. It sounds so harsh just reading this post, but in disbelieving situations they were the only words not misinterpreted by just bereaved relatives. No room was left for false hope (which I think is human nature.)

Apologies if this post offends anyone.

One of my dissertations many moons ago was death and dying from a cross cultural perspective but I did not address the specific use of language.

Made me laugh, Bbbevan

I do not mind, died, lost to us, passed away. But at the risk of sounding irreverent I do not like 'passed' on its own. I always thing it should be followed by ' the salt or gravy, by or wind.e.g. As in he passed the gravy.
I hope this does not offend anyone. That is not my intention

I think to me to ‘lose’ something or someone sounds as if one has taken an active part in it. If I lose my keys, it’s because of carelessness on my part. It just seems odd to apply that to people.

MissA ??

I've lost my daughter.
She isn't where she should be, and I don't know where, or even if she is..
She is lost to me.

Condolences Grandma70s on what I still perceive to be your loss

I prefer the word “died” and have told my son and daughter that when the time comes I will have DIED and not “passed away”.

MawBroon, I’ve tried it. My husband died when he was 40. I wouldn’t dream of saying I’d ‘lost’ him.

Pecs, I agree with you. It sounds like an unfinished sentence. I take it that it springs from when it was common to say ‘ has passed away or passed to the other side ‘ which has now been shortened ( as a lot of language seems to be these days)

Chapel of rest for the dead (or deceased) would sound a bit gentler I think.

So true Maw

JenniferEccles Fri 03-Aug-18 12:25:49
I generally don't like euphemisms at all.
Regarding death, why do some people say they have 'lost' their husband/wife

Perhaps because they have done just that, lost a soulmate, lost a companion, lost their best friend, lost their life partner, lost the father of their children, lost the love of their life, lost the person who made them complete.
To anybody who dislikes that I would say “Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it”.

Often saying dead or died just feels so final,you know in your head it is but in your heart you don’t want to let go.
When we go to the crematorium my children say they are going to see dad or going to dads garden and that’s their way of dealing with it.
Don’t think anyone should object to how a person speaks about it,too personal for that

My husband died as did my parents before him. All the GCs say 'Grandad's dead'. (They all make this announcement every so often which I am now used to and it opens a conversation about him although most of them didn't know him). If you refer to a deceased person as "asleep", "gone away" or any other euphemism, children take it literally and expect them to wake up or return. Personally I don't like passed away or passed; I find it twee but each to their own

"Passed Away" irritates me, but it is just about acceptable when someone slowly fades from life to death after a long illness, as it reflects a slow transition from one state to another. It always seems totally the wrong expression when used, as it often is in the press, to describe a violent death.
I made sure the expression wasn't used when my father died, he didn't do anything quietly in his life and it sounded too namby pamby for him.

Sorry if I missed this up-thread but what I dislike are flippant expressions such as popped her clogs, fell off his perch, kicked the bucket - all now used of actual deaths rather than vague times in the future. I don’t like passed away, still less passed, but not so bad as the insensitive ones.

I prefer to say 'died', though I also believe we pass on to another place. Only God knows where.
On a different note - one of our dear border collies used to attack cars, and eventually killed himself. I told our french neighbour, "Nous avons perdu Tip" .He replied "Avez-vous cherche tout autour? ie - ' we've lost Tip' - 'Have you searched all over?'

All doctors and counsellors are taught never to use expressions like 'fell asleep' passed or passed away. Especially in front of children. Children will understand what 'dead' means but can be terrified of going to sleep when these softer expressions are used.

Here's the etymology for those that might find it useful: apparently 'Pass' was once more common than it is now for 'go, move'.
OED 1, s.v. Pass, verb, cites pass alone, with no preposition, to mean 'die' (sense 11.) from about 1300.

Pass away, meaning depart, has been used in the sense 'die' since about 1375; Lay Folks Mass Book: “God lord graunt .. rest and pese Þat lastis ay to christen soules passed away.” [Grant rest and peace to Christian souls passed away]