To find the use of 'passed' instead of died irritating?

Well I don't/didn't just to suit someone else.

Perhaps some people just cant bring themselves to use the word "died" maybe "passed" is easier for them.

Does it really matter what term you use, someone has just passed/died and they are telling you in the best and easiest way they can for them.

For anyone that has had bereavement we all know that it is like a stab in the heart and a sledgehammer to the head.

At the time we really don't care a &^^%$$"! what term we use.

My American relatives use the phrase passed instead of died. When I’m told someone has passed I’ve an urge to say ‘passed what’ but it would be cruel! But like all things from America, it will soon be used here instead of died. I suppose it sounds less final .

Oh my goodness some of the posts on this thread - someone telling us all that they have a 'good laugh' at the expression 'lost' a loved one, and another describing how she and her daughter go around sniggering at inscriptions that people have put on loved ones' headstones". [confused
'

DH always says “ Passed what?” Wind?

I hate 'passed' because it's a creeping Americanising of our language. I also hate 'bathroom' for toilet and 'year on year' instead of year after year.

heart attack!

I find the phrase passed, annoying. Passed away, I could just about cope with. What I do know, is that when telling a person that someone has died, one needs to be quite clear so there is no misunderstanding. So I think one of the best ways to say it is to say," I'm sorry to have to tell you, but so and so has died." Not, as I was informed about my father's death that there had been an accident, there hadn't, he had had a heartache and died. Actually my mother didn't even phone me, it was the man who lived in the flat below her. She phoned other people but not me.
It made me ill for months.

I was surprised to learn recently that this debate isn't a new one. A book I read a while ago mentioned a woman in the 1940's who disliked people commiserating over her 'lost' parent. She preferred the term died.

I too would say died when speaking of my experience. To me, 'lost' has connotations of being found again, which, as I am a non-believer in the afterlife, don't expect to happen.

Nor would I say passed away, if it was related to my family or friends, but I respect that other people prefer to use the terms that they are comfortable with. It does me no harm to adhere to their preference.

I did see an obituary in the US that informed us that the subject had 'transitioned'. In this day and age of gender-non conformity, it certainly took me aback for a moment.

I have my defence when the time comes Iam, emotionally damaged from the age of 3 having to wear that damn brown bowler to chapel every Sunday, hated those bowlers and the summer straw hats adorned with flowers after age 6 wasn’t great either. Paul’s fault for his ‘woman should cover their hair,if they didn’t it should be cut short so better they cover their hair .

Annie

Iam, I told my priest friend Paul was on my hit list, he said ‘ you have disagreed so often with him you are probably on his ?

I know it was Paul, Annie. Paul said a lot of things I disagree with, noblest his views on homosexuality

I think lost means lost the love, companionship, hopes, and replaced with the aching arms, the empty side of a bed or crib, no parent love. Not loss of a body but it amuses some to speak of it as this.

I have really been enjoying Sue Black's biography " All that Remains " she was in the forefront of putting names to the remains of genocide victims in Cosova. She said that she had not " lost " her father . She knew exactly where he was at the top of Tomnahurich cemetry in Inverness put there by Frasers the undertakers. I think this is so true.

Jesus didn’t speak of homosexuality, Paul did, so those who argue against homosexuality and are reminded of this use the argument ‘the bible is written by God’ for me the books and epistles may be but Christ’s teachings are his,

my parents left no such instructions trisher - they were imo classic C of E, especially my mum. the took the best of the faith and rejected what they saw as old fashioned oppressive texts. My mother had no truck with the Old Testament approach to gay men. Her view was simple, her Jesus would never ever had rejected anyone who did no harm who simply fell in love with another man.

My aunt (also buried recently) had left instructions that she wanted the 1642 (I think) funeral service from the English Common Prayer Book. It included a very long passage from the Corinthians which is nearly impossible to read. Interesting.

Interesting trisher, not what we read in the New Testament , the shortest verse in the Bible which can be found in the Gospel of John, He visited Mary and Martha when they were weeping over the death of their brother Lazarus, “Jesus Wept”

My parents and grandparents had strong faiths which helped them negotiate the deaths of loved one's and preparation for their own deaths. They believed absolutely that in Heaven, they would all meet again.
Funerals were for those left behind. My father left clear instructions about one hymn he wanted to be sung but was happy for the service and other hymns to be planned by his wife and children. Mum followed suit.
I've been to a number of humanist funerals recently. All 'well done' but I confess to having missed the beautiful language of the Church of England, the friendly formality of a religious service, taken by a Vicar who knew the deceased and his/her family well. The continuity, beautiful language, familiar hymns belted out by the congregation provides something comforting for me. I do realise it isn't for everyone and that some would find it alien. That's a whole new discussion though isn't it - one that I'm sure would rattle more cages than this discussion on whether 'passed' or 'died' is the acceptable description.

A Catholic priest I knew always regarded a funeral as a celebration and held them as such. He thought if you were a Christian you should be celebrating them going to heaven and be happy for them.

Great post Mapleleaf

I suspect that gransruleok is neither a gran nor very adult. Probably someone who is getting bored with the school holidays. Not to worry, gransruleok, it won’t be long until it’s September, then you can go back to school.

I have never thought that death had a funny side, it means grief for someone, events that follow can amuse but death never.

I can still see the funny side of death and the resulting events and even though my mum's death is recent I can appreciate a little gallows humour. Because of a legal situation her ashes are still with me waiting to go in the grave with my dad. When we went out to lunch the other day my DS said "Shall we take Nanna with us?." I thought it was quite funny and she would have appreciated it.