AIBU to think this is pathetic?

I can see both sides of the argument. I do think it is unreasonable to insist on separate bills for the sake of £1.50, but I have also been in the situation where I have only a limited sum of money to spend so have chosen the cheapest meal and gone without a starter or dessert to keep within my budget. I would be most put out to be expected to contribute to my companions 3-courses with wine and coffee!

This topics pops up often so is a bother - in both directions -as it obviously annoys those who think splitting a bill is annoying and annoys those who subsidise others’ meals. Perhaps it comes down to which camp one’s in?

As a non-drinking (am happy with tap water) often dieting (no puddings -unfortunately!} non-coffee or liquer-imbibing diners, my husband and I often pay a third more than our bill should be. I know we sound parsimonious but it isn’t really like that. People have different appetites.

Do I mind? Honestly? Yes! On two counts, really the first being that our dining companions surely must realise their bill exceeds ours by quite a factor and I find this a bit sad. Nice people (or we wouldn’t see them). The second being that it is I who feels guilty, thinking of our ‘disadvantage’ and then I feel petty! My husband thinks that the price differential is the price we pay for seeing our friends but I wish that we could each pay our way.

We prefer to tip at %15 and our friends %10 so that’s another dimension -in a different direction!

We certainly wouldn’t not split a bill, so perhaps our companions think we are happy with the status quo. Perhaps it is our fault.....?

It would be marvellous if split bills became the norm- can it be so much more trouble(?).

Back to the original poster, I think mentioning £1.50 is quite petty and annoying (unless that sum meant much to someone on a low income) but wish split bills could become de rigeur.

Goodness me. I often eat out with ladies groups. My London walking group all order our food and pay individually. Once a year we have afternoon tea in a posh hotel and simply split the bill. Anyone not driving and fancying an extra glass of champagne can go to the bar with cash. Sometimes we go somewhere new for lunch and just split the bill. As I am on public transport home, I add £10 extra to the kitty for my extra glass of wine and that usually leaves £2.50 in the tip box on top of my shared tip. However, when I was almost made bankrupt, I went out with friends to a shopping mall and had no money in my purse when we stopped for a coffee. Excruciatingly embarrassing. I no longer own a business or villa in Spain but am thankful I can pay my way on a night out. My best friend's husband is a multi millionaire and insists on buying a very expensive red wine with a little snifter of it. I drink white and normally 3 glasses with a posh, spaced out meal. Couldn't possibly drink any more.

Hubby's boss is in same financial position and is very mean. He is supporting his estranged wife's families, buying them houses and cars, plus holidays but refuses to pay his staff a decent wage. When he goes for dinner, it's always to a place where he's a regular and gets a discount. I am starting to think that is how they accumulate so much money.

A very good post.

I am a member of the London Red Hatters and we pay individually.

I am far happier paying for myself and others doing the same. The whole thing gets out of control and you don't know if you owe or others do and what do you do next time. Or I or someone else states I am paying for this. If they say, no I am , I say go ahead so as not to end up in a Mrs Doyle situation (Father Ted where she and her friend argue because they both insist on paying and end up rolling about on the floor and are arrested.)

So to summarise, either it's deffo someone's treat, or you pay for yourself down to last last 50p - unless short of change, obv.

I prefer to split the bill - it's so much easier - but surprised by some of the comments on here - surely if you split the bill you do it on a per person basis? If I were one of a couple, out with a single friend, I would expect the couple to pay two thirds - or three quarters if they had a child with them too. I wouldn't dream of expecting the single person to pay half the bill :-(

One way to deal with the case where some are drivers or teetotallers and not drinking, while the others knock it back, is for everyone to buy and pay for drinks as they want them, as at most weddings, rather than putting it on the table bill. It works better in a pub than a posh restaurant but that's where you're likely to be with a big group, which is when the problems arise.

I used to eat out with a bunch of former colleagues, all retired, all on a reasonable pension.
We used to split the bill. Some were drivers, some not, so the drinks varied, with some just having tap water, others wine, but one always had a glass of champagne.
For the meal, most of us had the two course fixed price, but some would have a dessert as well; some would order a la Carte, and then there were some who had coffee.
So the difference could be considerable.
So we asked for an itemised bill, and everyone worked out their share, and added more for the tip. We paid the whole bill together. This worked better. Nobody was being mean, but some had been taking unfair advantage under the “split the bill” system.

My significant other and his brother asked me to join them for a meal. I offered to pay my share, but my very generous friend brushed me off saying I was invited so he and brother would split the bill.
At the end of the meal, brother whipped out a large and fancy calculator and itemised his third, which astonished us.
My friend was so embarrassed that he footed the whole bill, which his brother accepted with alacrity.
I have never seen such a blatant exercise in stinginess, especially considering that the brother in question is a VERY wealthy man!

Some restaurants say they won't split bills. My friend and I always go Dutch when we eat out. I think it's embarrassing if the bill is not split equally. My friend told me about being out with friends and one person arguing because he hadn't had chips! I wouldn't eat out with that person again.

Exactly Gma29, I never mind paying a bit over, but have been caught out several times paying way over the odds for what I actually had. But I also find it embarrassing sitting down diviing the bill up. Not sure what the answer is.

I don’t think anyone minds dividing the bill when the difference between what you all had is minimal. I think the annoyance creeps in when one person, (or couple) regularly order more courses, drinks or markedly more expensive items than everyone else, and then expects to just split the bill.

Clearly she is better off because she is mean. Mind you I always ask for separate bills if a number are dining out together it just saves any hassle if there are meanies in the company.

We always pay for ourselves now. We went out with four friends and the bill amounted to £350. We had opted for a main meal and a couple of glasses of wine (we were driving, they were staying at a hotel). They opted for full three course meal, drinks, with coffees and brandies to finish.

That was the last time we split the bill!

In Germany this question never arises. The waiter will ask if the bill is separate or together if you ask for separate bills, everyone gets charged for what they have eaten and drunk and rounds up for the tip as much or as little as they want.

The only exception is if someone has expressly invited the others or is the head of the family and he or she then gets a single bill for the whole table.

We have a friend who always orders the most expensive dishes and drinks on the menu and then simply splits the bill. It seems nit picking to object so we don't. She also drinks as much as possible when at a party or a celebration - so long as it is free. Result? She gets very drunk.
We now avoid going out with them and won't be inviting them to any more celebrations.

This is making me smile. I had a lovely lunch out yesterday and it now occurs to me, as a result of this thread, that I had the most expensive items. Huh! Never even thought about it. We divided the bill without even giving that a thought. The most I would ever have had would have been a cheeky comment but I guesss neither of them noticed either.

Sorry but hahaha.it made me laugh at the persons silliness over £1.50! i would have had to say to her"oh ill put the extra £1.50 in for you IF YOU CANT AFFORD IT?"- and she may have been so shame- faced she never did that again!!

I’ve lost two friends through this ... it chips away at you (me) over the years .... shame really I did like them both but now see them rarely no fall outs just distancing

This reminds me of a story I heard years ago.
It involved 6 women who were the wives of foreign assignees in Paris. (Very well paid). They met regularly and always split the bill. One day, a new woman joined them and when they split the bill, she objected and said "well I didn't have peas!"

I had a friend who was great at organising trips out - several a month - and there was always at least 12 people taking part each time. I found out many months later that the reason she volunteered to coordinate the trips/meals/cinema/theatre visits was that she getting her meal/trip/ticket free as a package. The only time she paid up was on the meals as we always divided the bill by the number of people attending, even though several of us didn't drink alcohol, so her 'free meal' reduced the cost a bit for all of us. Everything went fine until two new friends joined for the meals and started complaining because someone had asked for salad instead of chips incurring a small charge on top of the standard meal. It then escalated into 'You had two glasses of wine not one' and 'I only drank water not the wine' and 'You had two bread rolls not one' - my friend got so frustrated she told them all that her meal had, in fact, been free, but she had paid up a share like everyone else so had reduced their bills. After that we each paid for our meal separately and everyone lost the little bit of discount we had been getting because of the 'free meal' previously.

I often meet friends for coffee/lunch, we each pay for our own, there is no embarrassment in requesting either separate bills or to pay for your own at the end. We have never encountered any problems in paying separately wherever we go, I find it saves any embarrassment as some of us are on a tight budget, it also allows the freedom to choose as cheap or expensive as you want. I also don't drink when I'm out as I am always driving, sometimes I only drink the water which has been put on the table.

Best to sort the payment arrangements beforehand.

We have friends who when we are staying with them always insist we go out for a meal but will not use taxis so the wife complains each time that she has drawn the short straw and has to drive. She also insists, however, the waiter fills her wine glass which she then gives to her husband to drink. She is so frightened that we will drink more than our fair share!!
And they are much wealthier than us but that is always the way!

I wonder if she has been stung previously? I would regularly go out with a group of workmates and because I lived in a remote village I always had the car. Between them they’d get through 3 or 4 bottles of wine to my tonic waters but the bill was split and I always subsidised their drinks. Doubly annoying as I was desperate for a glass! I could have asserted myself and paid my own bill but decided the atmosphere would have been spoilt, so paid up. It’s possible this has happened to your friend and she’s decided to stand her ground.

As a couple we sometimes go out with other couples who have teenagers. In that case we split the bill by amount of people then multiply by numbers in their party. It’s calculated and divided up very roughly and any extra goes towards the tip.

Yeah, but I didn't have the rice.........

I do agree that if you are all drinking alcohol for example and someone isn't then you should split the bill so that the person who is not ordering wine or whatever doesn't end up subsidising it. But when the difference between the drinks is only a pound or so this seems ridiculous to me. Had it been the other way around it wouldn't have entered my mind to care let alone to say something