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Malicious Gossip :(

(126 Posts)
Bush Thu 16-Aug-18 14:31:07

Hi All

I would just like others perspective on something that is bothering me somewhat.

I recently visited a hairdressers. It was a quiet day, just me and the owner/stylist.

It faces a cafe/bistro type place which has seating outside.

There were a number of young ladies and their children enjoying refreshments in the sunshine. No one really stood out, all looked well groomed and trendy.

The stylist starting harping on about one lady in particular, stating she thought she looked like a prostitute, she’d fallen of the rails, hit the bottle, taking drugs etc. I was shocked. Then she fetched her phone to take a covert photo. I said that she was being very unkind and it would be wrong and as far as I know she didn’t take the shot.

It’s still on my mind days later. I feel mortified for the lady. If I’m honest I think it bothers me not just because it was grossly unfair to the lady in question, but it touched a nerve as I think I have been subject to unfair & untrue gossip myself in the recent past.

I know there is nothing I can do anything about any of this but it doesn’t stop me feeling hurt and humiliated for myself or empathic towards the lady at the cafe. To add context I am not overly confident and am generally anxious myself so this might cloud my judgement.

I think for starters I should look for another hairdressers.

gillybob Sat 18-Aug-18 00:02:44

I’m not in FB or Twitter or any other social media (other than GN) but I do know there are plenty people who do like a good gossip. They come across as “holier than thou” And will say one thing to your face before stabbing you in the back when they think you aren’t looking. hmm

Lilyflower Sat 18-Aug-18 07:01:10

When my hairdresser moved to another salon I followed him there with an appointment for myself and my, then, young daughter. Only the once!

The staff were rude, gossiping and foul mouthed. I took my poor DD out of there as fast as I could and never went back. I suggest the OP does the same.

Rufus2 Sat 18-Aug-18 10:18:12

I think you’re on the wrong thread rufus
Janeainsworth; Don't I know it! I'd posted a retraction almost straightaway which has already dumped to page p3. Although, I do have lovely locks which my hairdresser (used to call them barbers) looks after every 3 months. Costs me $22 each visit. sad
But was I in the wrong place? Aren't they all "Unisex" these enlightened days? confused

Guineagirl Sat 18-Aug-18 11:24:13

This is to Luzdoh I couldn’t get it to comment after your very kind reply. Thank you, as you do end up analysing your own behaviour and if you are to blame. I’ve always said hello to neighbours still do but yesterday I could tell he’s worked magic on one when the neighbour said coldly hello back like I was a child being told off when little. I’ve read a lot on narcissism everything fits. I’m sorry you deal with the same things too. I think he recognised everyone seemed to chat to me and so had altered their opinion of me. I carry on as I am as I aren’t willing to play silly games, life is too short.

codfather Sat 18-Aug-18 15:37:45

Such a sad life some people must lead if they have to denigrate other people, especially when it's none of their business.

HildaW Sat 18-Aug-18 15:56:01

Good point codfather - I have a neighbour who is a little on the hippy scale of life choices and her philosophy is wonderful. She once told me that if she feels she is being negative about something or someone (which is pretty rare to my mind) she will try to think 5 good things about them/it and that she feels, usually takes away any negative thoughts. This lady has a lovely sunny nature and is very tolerant and forgiving about most of life's trials and tribulations. Must say it works wonders for her health and looks....I once found out her age and she's a good 15 years older than she looks!

Bush Sat 18-Aug-18 16:48:19

Your friend is a great example of a healthy and happy person HildaW ! Few and far between. Sadly.

Happiyogi Sat 18-Aug-18 20:45:43

By coincidence, I'd been listening to a podcast episode recommending the practice of "Reverse Gossip" just before seeing this thread.

As you'd expect, it was about the benefits of passing on positive statements and compliments, with an unintended consequence being that the person passing on the accolades about a third party was also perceived as sharing the positive attributes.

Bush Sat 18-Aug-18 21:19:51

I think I will google and try and find that podcast Happiyogi. Giving compliments and sharing happy sentiments surely must help make the world a better place.

GabriellaG Sat 18-Aug-18 21:30:17

I left a message to both of you at 18:00 yesterday, saying 'Thank you for your comments flowers' but now, reading through (21:28 Sat) it's not there.
No idea why it's disappeared but I'm now repeating my thanks to you both. flowerspgrin

GabriellaG Sat 18-Aug-18 21:33:33

Thank you
Yes, she's a hard worker and nice all round (as far as I know...winkgrin

Happiyogi Sat 18-Aug-18 21:51:52

Bush, to save you searching - the podcast is Happier with Gretchen Rubin and the episode was No.181. I hope that helps!

oldbatty Sun 19-Aug-18 08:20:39

funny isn't it, you'd never get blokes having these kind of conversations.

OldMeg Sun 19-Aug-18 08:23:07

You think?

Rufus2 Sun 19-Aug-18 08:55:16

funny isn't it, you'd never get blokes having these kind of conversations.
oldbatty; What "conversations"? They seem more like slanging matches; to me anyway. Could it be that we "live and let live"? smile
Btw; I'm a gentleman, not a "bloke", so perhaps I'm in the wrong thread, again. grin

oldbatty Sun 19-Aug-18 10:04:27

Just thinking about my male relatives visiting the hairdressers /barbers. In and out, bit of grunting,[wink off they go. Not bitching about a lady wearing sunglasses and calling social services.

OldMeg Sun 19-Aug-18 12:02:31

You’ve never had a male hairdressers oldbatty?

oldbatty Sun 19-Aug-18 12:10:14


moggie57 Sun 19-Aug-18 19:01:16

go somewhere else..or say to her if you cant say anything nice dont say anything at all. or say no-ones perfect even you.

mcem Sun 19-Aug-18 19:33:56

This sort of technique seems to have worked in the past for Gransnetters.
Believe that you are absolutely in the right.
Work out what you want to say, as succinctly as possible.
Start by saying that there is something on your mind and you have discussed it with many friends.
Visualise as many GN members as you need ( 2/10/50/100?) standing by your side.
Deliver your message and graciously accept the applause of your army of supporters.
Congratulate yourself on standing up for a large section of society ( and for yourself).

Marydoll Mon 20-Aug-18 06:32:20

I have been going to my hairdresser's for over twenty five years. I started going out of convenience, as it was next door to my school.
I enjoy going, as there's is always lots of chat. They are a kindly bunch, always showing concern for elderly clients and those who are ill. When I was very ill before I retired a few years ago, they offered to come to my home and do my hair, as I couldn't get out.
No malicious gossip there.

Billybob4491 Mon 20-Aug-18 06:37:21

The only unkind and usually untrue gossip I have ever heard is not from my Hairdressers, but my local church.

Bush Mon 20-Aug-18 08:09:56

Marydoll. How lovely for you. I think their are some good natured salons/stylists out there. It’s finding them that is the difficult part.

Billybob4491 I have experienced that too. I don’t attend church myself but a group of women I know who do are proper tittle tattlers. Not in a caring kind sense either.

I’m beginning to think the malicious gossip types have something missing from their lives and from their souls.

PP posted a quote about great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events and small minds discuss people. Or words to that effect.

Bush Mon 20-Aug-18 08:10:37

There not their.

Bush Mon 20-Aug-18 08:12:37

Thank you Happiyogi.

Thank you to everyone who’s posted. Sorry if I’ve missed anyone. I’m on my phone and I struggle to remember who put what when scrolling.