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Malicious Gossip :(

(125 Posts)
Bush Thu 16-Aug-18 14:31:07

Hi All

I would just like others perspective on something that is bothering me somewhat.

I recently visited a hairdressers. It was a quiet day, just me and the owner/stylist.

It faces a cafe/bistro type place which has seating outside.

There were a number of young ladies and their children enjoying refreshments in the sunshine. No one really stood out, all looked well groomed and trendy.

The stylist starting harping on about one lady in particular, stating she thought she looked like a prostitute, she’d fallen of the rails, hit the bottle, taking drugs etc. I was shocked. Then she fetched her phone to take a covert photo. I said that she was being very unkind and it would be wrong and as far as I know she didn’t take the shot.

It’s still on my mind days later. I feel mortified for the lady. If I’m honest I think it bothers me not just because it was grossly unfair to the lady in question, but it touched a nerve as I think I have been subject to unfair & untrue gossip myself in the recent past.

I know there is nothing I can do anything about any of this but it doesn’t stop me feeling hurt and humiliated for myself or empathic towards the lady at the cafe. To add context I am not overly confident and am generally anxious myself so this might cloud my judgement.

I think for starters I should look for another hairdressers.

janeainsworth Thu 16-Aug-18 14:36:33

That’s horrible Bush.
I agree with you, don’t go there again.
Apart from the nastiness of taking covert photos, it makes me think the hairdresser is the sort of person who would gossip about one client to another.
Perhaps that’s why she wasn’t busy!

Bush Thu 16-Aug-18 14:41:03

Jane To say I was gobsmacked at her remarks is an understatement. What she said really tapped into my insecure side. What about sisterhood and solidarity and acceptance for all. Not to mention even if she was a sex worker, so what.

Yes no doubt she will find something nasty to say about me to her other customers. I really dislike malicious gossip as it’s so distructive and unkind.

Nannarose Thu 16-Aug-18 14:59:17

Yes, I would go to another hairdresser.
Please don't feel badly - I often find that when someone behaves oddly like this that I take awhile to 'get my bearings'. Another problem is that if you fuss, you effectively promote the gossip!
So, ask friends for a recommendation. Say nothing about the incident, but if anyone asks, say 'I thought it was a bit gossipy, and felt uncomfortable about that'.
I understand why you feel badly about the lady who was the subject of the gossip, but honestly, it is not your problem. You have not promoted the gossip, you are not encouraging the person who started it - I don't see that there is any more you can do.
You are thinking kindly of her - be kind to yourself as well!

Bush Thu 16-Aug-18 15:03:12

Thank you Nannarose, you speak wisely.

Luckygirl Thu 16-Aug-18 15:08:45

I am mind-boggled that she planned to take a photo! - what the heck for?

I should steer clear.

AnnS1 Thu 16-Aug-18 15:21:09

I don’t use hairdressers in our village for similar reasons. Gossiped about everyone walking past the shop. Sure it would have been me talked about to next customer.

HildaW Thu 16-Aug-18 15:46:44

I knew it was time to change hairdressers when the person who did mine and up till then had seemed a very decent person....starting telling me about another client not two chairs away.....this poor woman was being moaned about for daring to come back to the hairdressers saying she was not happy with the cut and had felt that she had not had her wishes respected as to style. The hairdresser doing mine went on at great lengths to say the lady was a nuisance!
The lady might well have been hard work as a customer but it should not have drawn to my attention and certainly showed me that if at some time in the future I had a complaint it would not have been dealt with professionally. Not quite the same thing....but certainly an indication of someone being far from professional.
If this hairdresser is so forth coming on one person whose to say she's not like it about others.....and she could well be wrong and do untold damage.

sassenach512 Thu 16-Aug-18 15:48:12

I hate going to the hairdressers, I find it a necessary evil.
I've been to so many over the years in different parts of the country and never seemed to find one where I haven't sat in the chair listening to all sorts of gossip, it seems to be part of the ordeal.
I've often felt sorry for the poor woman being discussed, who never knew her business was being talked about to all and sundry.

Bush Thu 16-Aug-18 15:56:10

Hilda I’m agog.

It appears that hairdressers can be quite unprofessional with their negative and nasty gossip. Quite a widespread phenomenon. How utterly awful.

I despair of ever finding a safe haven in which to have my tresses trimmed.

Bush Thu 16-Aug-18 15:57:13

You are right Sassenach512 , going to the hairdressers is a necessary evil.

callgirl1 Thu 16-Aug-18 16:51:39

I go to the college along the road, rarely see the same person twice, and the students are too intent on getting it right to have time to gossip.

janeainsworth Thu 16-Aug-18 17:04:54

Well, I must put in a good word for my hairdresser. I've been going to the same salon for 12 years. I've seen 4 different stylists over the years, due to maternity and sick leaves, but all of them have been completely professional in their attitudes and skilful at their jobs.

I first went in desperation about the awful cut I'd just had somewhere else. The stylist who saw me on that occasion didn't say a word against the previous girl who'd ruined my hair. She just concentrated on what the problems were and what she could do at that stage to improve things. I was so impressed with her professionalism.
She's left the salon now to be a SAHM but the others have been just as good.
I look forward to my 6-weekly visits as I know they will always do their best and do a good job.

sodapop Thu 16-Aug-18 17:26:28

I can't understand this need to photograph everything. I've seen people taking photos in supermarkets and restaurants etc. Why do they need to share every detail of their lives, its beyond me.
Your hairdresser sounds like a horrible person Bush I would certainly find another salon and would tell her why.

FlexibleFriend Thu 16-Aug-18 17:37:39

Oh I love going to the hairdressers, We have a great laugh and if we talk about anyone it's ourselves. I find your incident quite shocking tbh and would have probably said something at the time as my mouth frequently engages before my brain. Bloody cheek of the woman, I wouldn't go back that's for sure. Last time I had my haircut I took a photo of the desired cut as usual and it looked exactly like it BUT after getting home, faffing with it etc I didn't like it so made an appointment to go back and get it cut shorter. Took another picture with me etc. not only did she listen, she cut it again and refused to accept any payment at all. I tried really hard to persuade her but she wouldn't accept ant payment. I need it cutting again and I'm hoping she hasn't been abusing me in my absence but I'm pretty sure she hasn't as much as I can be anyway. I just hope she accepts payment this time or she'll go broke. I would hate to have to find a new hairdresser that's for sure.

Melanieeastanglia Thu 16-Aug-18 21:24:16

I think I would be inclined to go to another hairdresser as I feel the one you have just seen possibly talks about one client to another.

MargaretX Thu 16-Aug-18 22:32:45

sodapop I'm with you there. Why all this taking of pictures? And calling her a prostitute when she was just sitting having a coffee in front of a hairdresser's
At the next hairdresser better say nothing just a polite hello.
You cculd actually tell the hairdresser to her face that you didn't like gossiping. But then you might miss her- if she's good with your hair, better bite your tongue.

Bush Fri 17-Aug-18 06:51:01

Margaret I don’t think I would miss her to be honest. There has been previous instances of her being passive aggressive, nosy and just out and out unkind. The other day was the worst of it and I won’t be putting my hard earned cash in her till anymore. I’m out.

Thank you all, for sharing your views.

OldMeg Fri 17-Aug-18 07:08:57

And why not tell her the reason?

I find my hairdresser too far to the right politically. Everyone on benefits should be forced into employment, immigrants should be put ‘on the first ship back’ and Trump has the right idea. I endure this because he’s a great hairdresser and loves dogs, so I steer the conversation onto his beloved Airedale.

I think though that the OP’s hairdresser has a screw loose and I’d be very wary of letting her near me with a pair of sharp scissors.

harrigran Fri 17-Aug-18 07:35:19

I have had the same hairdresser for 20+ years following her to salons when she relocated, her last salon treated her badly and I walked out from an appointment. My hairdresser rang me and said she was going to be working for herself and ever since has done my hair at home.
If you are not happy there is no reason why you should tolerate the hairdresser, empty chairs are a giveaway.

gillybob Fri 17-Aug-18 07:39:49

I hate the hairdressers ( not personally) I just feel so stupid and embarrassed . I feel the need to explain my pathetic hair and the fact that I struggle to face forward into the mirror . I hate the small talk and just want to get in and out as quickly as possible. It’s like torture and I would rather visit the dentist anyday.

Luckygirl Fri 17-Aug-18 08:29:39

I agree with sassenach - one of the reasons I keep my hair long is so that I do not have to rely on hairdressers. I used to hate coming home from the chop to stand looking in the mirror at this shipwreck. I have very fine hair and many short haircuts just stick out all over the place or get full of static.

Also if you find a decent hairdresser who does what you want they go off and get and leave!

jenpax Fri 17-Aug-18 09:04:22

I am another who hates a visit to the hairdressers! I can’t abide the mirrors which force me to look closely in harsh lights at my reflection?(something I usually go to huge lengths to avoid) I hate the large windows which give passers by the chance to see me, and I dread all the gossipy small talk?

Juliette Fri 17-Aug-18 09:12:02

Replace the Airedale with a Whippet and OldMeg and I could have the same hairdresser.
When he is in full flow on his immigrant rant, I’m always moved to point out that he is the product of folk who came to these shores before WW2 bringing with them their skills with ice cream and scissors.
He is a very good hairdresser, hard to find, so I just keep going but don’t talk very much. smile

janeainsworth Fri 17-Aug-18 09:22:02

Luckily my hairdresser and I seem to be roughly at the same place on the political spectrum and if our conversation descends into the realm of politics/economics we find ourselves jointly bemoaning the fact we had the Referendum in the first place and secondly the result of it.

To those who have to suffer political rants which don't accord with your own views, surely your conversational skills are sufficient to either politely challenge them, change the subject, or simply indicate by non-verbal means (the rearrangement of your face into a steely glare, for example) that you're not happy with the way the conversation's going? grin