He was pulling up my pyracantha!

Elrel Oh - Thank you!

If your DD is indeed reading these posts luzdoh it begs the question ‘why isn’t your family supporting you when you are being intimidated in this way?’

Although this is a public forum it is not simple to access individual posts unless you know where to look and what the cues and clues are.

So, I'm assuming your daughter knows your user name and can just go straight to your posts, but other people won't have that information. I expect she's worried that the people involved might come across the thread, but I hope she's reassured that the chances of that are very slight. My children all know my user name and sometimes look at my posts, but they're very happy I have this as an outlet and they're very positive about it. I do get a little gentle teasing from them now and again though.

Just to let you know, there is a link on Facebook Gransnet to this post, under "My neighbour's father did this in my garden."

That may be how your DD saw this.

Who is responsible for putting threads from GN onto FB? Is it automatic or selective?

If the latter, then that is extremely irresponsible on someone’s part as it could be read by someone who knows the perpetrator and this could escalate into violence. He actually sounds unbalanced as it is.

Would it be a good idea if GNHQ contacted the OP first before putting a thread on to FB?

I know that GNHQ 'own' the threads and anything posted on here but surely it would be courteous to ask first, especially when family problems or problems with neighbours are involved?

GNHQ?

I meant to add that that would give the OP the opportunity to say 'No, I would rather that my thread was deleted'.

I am sure a person chose the subject, to put on FB, and it wasn't just random.

I agree GNHQ should ask the OP first, but I don't suppose they will. Nearly everyone would refuse I think.

I didn't mean to upset you all about loss of privacy. My DD knows my username and I sent her my new mobile ringtone story. So she decided to read about this.

I am very grateful to all your moral support. I hate to sound so wet and needy, but honestly, I'm having a really lousy time with a lot of things right now - it's as if everything that can go wrong has gone wrong and I feel as if I'm being judged.I am ashamed to say, but, the truth is I'm not really holding up all that well. Crying etc. You know.

I'm really sorry to pour that out. I know so many of you cope with so much and are so brave and amazing.

Thanks.

OldMeg Thanks so much, I just can't explain. Lots has happened and I feel as if they (3DDs) think I am incredibly stupid and incompetent. I tend to get scorn poured on whatever I do. The the thing is, I am disabled by severe nerve pain and this has changed my life. I used to be very capable and could manage so much, both physically and mentally. I've been through a lot. Now I can't just "jump right up and start all over again" whenever the next bad thing happens and I simply don't understand the attitude of the younger generation. I hope I'm just misunderstanding it and feeling like this because i'm depressed, but i feel criticised all the time and as if i have to defend everything i do. It's so horrible, it has knocked the confidence out of me.

Well, DD1 has read all my gransnet now and is very upset about what she thinks she has read. There is nothing I can say. I am feeling numb.

I have spoken to you with frankness, opening up in response to the experiences and feelings you have come here with, relating so much to the things you have written about, feeling the pains that happen to so many of us. I have felt safe here, with people who understand the agonies of the generation gap and trying to please one while satisfying another when another has a very strong personality and can stop the world if she so decides..... On top of which I was trying, as I brought them up, to give them a "normal" experience while battling with a very painful and abnormal cruel one myself. It was a different world then of course, pre mobile phones and internet. Maybe that's one of the reasons why everything we did gets so much criticism? I often feel, well know, that what's ok for them is criticised in me and it really pulls me down. I feel extremely isolated. I will say no more.
Thanks everyone. You are an amazing lot!

Luzdoh, what a horrible mish mash of awful things you are dealing with now. Apart from the ghastly neighbour issues which are a big enough threat and disturbance on their own there is the apparent lack of family support and sympathy as well as managing your physical frailties.

I do sometimes wonder if our families really don't want to see or acknowedge that, as we age, we may be frightened, be and feel more vulnerable and be struggling a bit at times. This seems to me to be more the case if we have been strong, independent women who've managed pretty well in the past. This vulnerability can be especially felt if we live alone. Not noticing or even acknowledging this change can be a handy form of denial by our families, if they don't notice then they don't have to do anything. We become an inconvenient truth. The family is off the hook. Maybe they see the issues as trivial but things can be viewed quite differently in the context of declining health and strength, living alone and local friend networks changing as friends move away or die. This is all hard stuff to deal with.

Is moving to a more secure residence, maybe an apartment or unit with a balcony or courtyard garden, something to consider in context of all the issues, including ongoing house maintenance costs? ?

Apricity Thank you so much. On my msg above saying: "my daughter knows my user name" I meant to write AS (not 'and') I sent her an email... '. I did it in trust. However she has read all my posts and there is one responding to difficult daughters which I would not have let them see. I told the truth but I handle it because I love them so much.

I would move. At the moment I have 5 (I know! It isn't as bad as it sounds though...) very small nearly all rescued dogs. It's the only thing that makes me feel I contribute something to the world these days. Because they are so small - smaller than cats except for one who is the same size! - they can amuse each other in my rather lovely garden. Also being small and like a family it doesn't make any difference to having 2, which I had before. Indeed they are easier than my previous two little dogs. I didn't plan to have 5! But they needed a home with someone who is in all day and two needed a bit of intensive care at first because they were in such a terrible state. Another one also was treated cruelly but also had a difficult time breathing when born so has subtle problems and I wouldn't let her go to anyone who would expect her to be able to respond quickly and then get annoyed with her.
But I would love to live in a different area, with a garden though. I look on Rightmove sometimes! My house needs the repairs done before selling it.

I'm so grateful you took the trouble to reply. I wondered if people would give me up after my blunder on my username.

I have this underlying feeling which I want to be able to have faith in, it comes from my Christian faith. I want to think that, however disastrously painful, the truth has been revealed, and that might not be a bad thing. I would never deliberately hurt my children. God knows, I spent all their childhood shielding them from what was happening to me and keeping it away from them. It was immensely difficult, and exhausting, but I did it. However, with the Lord's help, maybe they will see me, now they are parents, in a different way and at least appreciate that I protected them through things that they - thank God! - have never had to deal with.

Luzdoh you are clearly a very strong woman. I do not share your faith but can very much understand your dilemmas and fears. I can only wish you the very best and hope you you can find a good solution that works for you and provides you with a feeling of security and comfort - with or without your canine friends. ?

Apricity You truly are a lovely lady. I just tried to hi-light your name to copy it here, and instead went to your profile page. Your interests and number of books at one time are so like mine! I would love to see Australia! I'm in the middle of England. It is beautiful here, raining now, much needed. The people in this area, which isn't where my family comes from, are very kind, friendly and warm-hearted. My difficult neighbour comes from a very different area.
My faith, which I would like to say it comes from reading the good book, which I try to do, actually started in its strong conviction following and out-of-body experience when my first child was born. She was born apparently dead and I nearly died.
Oddly, the "special needs" dog above, that I mentioned, was born apparently dead and I resuscitated her and have always felt she has a spiritual relationship with my eldest and myself. She is timid but brave, unconsciously very elegant and beautiful, she is very loving and nurturing which I have always found my daughter to be except lately towards me she is dismissive and jumps to conclusions. The little dog wakes me every morning by washing me, and of course she too had this difficult start.
Thanks again Apricity, such a beautiful name, the winter landscape and sun is my favourite season. The countryside not far from me is heavenly. Thank you so much!

???☘️ Luzdoh, thank you.

Luzdoh,

I rarely post , but I dop read a lot..and I'm horrified at the situation you've found yourself in with your neighbours and now the lack of support from your family...no-one wants to upset their kids, but sometimes we as parents do have to vent sometimes to someone.. so I hope your daughter will realise this and love you enough to take all that into consideration.

Hwoever my reason for replying to your post is simply to ask if you knew that you can change your user name..admin will change it if you ask them, but only once. Rather than leave gransnet where you clearly need the support and friendship, perhaps that would be the way to go, and then none of your family or neighbours would know who you were..and you could post without feeling upset at them reading .

So sorry you're going through such a horribly stressful time, I hope all of this can be settled amicably before too long.

This is Criminal damage - inform the police without fail.

Ailsa43 Thank you. Note the name. Thanks!!