I have been contemplating how much independence is "too much" independence, and would appreciate others thougts.
Please accept my apology for the length - I wanted to set the scene fully.
I am very fortunate to have wonderful DD's one great SIL and one DDs partner who is not terribly sociable but is a perfect fit for my daughter and they are very happy, and two adorable GC. We are all close with open and honest relationships.
The girls have been quite protective of me since their late teens, and very supportive since I divorced over a decade ago.
As I said, I am very lucky.
One DD recently told me that I am stubborn and 'difficult' about my independence. It was said kindly, not in argument, as part of a wider conversation, but I have taken it to heart and feel upset as I hate to think I cause her any worry.
The whole point of saying "I'm fine" or "I can sort it" is so that they don't worry!
Both girls have needed support in recent years due to health problems, particularly the one who lives locally as she has two small children and a husband who travels away much of the time, plus having had a severe illness which impacted on her ability to cope physically for quite some time.
It has been my pleasure to help wherever possible....a) because that is what mums are for, and b) because I had zero support at a similar stage in life and would never want someone I love to feel so alone.
When asked if there are jobs SIL can do, when they are popping in, I invariably say no. If I mention needing to decorate/trim hedges/fix things/go for hospital appointment/etc tbey invariably offer to come and do whatever it may be....and I decline.
They are a young couple with a young family, and very little time together. Why would I want them to use up any of that time on me?
DD says I am unreasonable about it, and helping should be a two way street. I disagree. AC shouldn't feel that level of responsibility for a parent who is still working part time, and relatively fit albeit starting to slow up and with a health issue which occasionally impacts.
I support because I am a mum, and feel time will come soon enough when I can't avoid needing help.
Am I wrong?
ChaosIncorporated Sat 08-Sep-18 06:50:48
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petra Sat 08-Sep-18 11:29:56
Melanieeastanglia Sat 08-Sep-18 11:33:34
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lemongrove Sat 08-Sep-18 12:17:05
ChaosIncorporated Sat 08-Sep-18 12:38:50
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grannyactivist Sat 08-Sep-18 13:31:32
lemongrove Sat 08-Sep-18 14:20:16
Luckygirl Sat 08-Sep-18 16:28:07