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AIBU to want DD to keep home equity we gave her

(70 Posts)
fionajk42 Wed 12-Sep-18 19:06:12

After 5 years of marriage, DD & SIL are separating. We gave them £60k for deposit on their house, which they are now selling to split the proceeds. My view is that DD should get back the £60k, and that any other money left after mortgage repayment should be split 50:50. SIL's parents are telling him he should get 50% of total left after mortgage repayment, i.e. he will get £30k of the equity, even though he/they did not contribute anything to the deposit. At the time of their marriage I had said we should write it into trust for DD, but I was overruled. The money came from the sale of our old house, so we have no means to give DD any further money. Is there a way to ensure DD gets full deposit back, or do we just have to kiss this money goodbye?

Alima Wed 12-Sep-18 19:11:08

I think that unless an agreement was written by a solicitor you would have to kiss the money goodbye. Unless the SiL agrees to the 60k being returned to you before the equity is halved.

agnurse Wed 12-Sep-18 19:36:51

A solicitor would be able to advise you. My understanding is that as a rule, any money that comes into the household after marriage is considered marital property, unless a post-nuptial agreement is created. BUT, you should check with a solicitor to be sure.

J52 Wed 12-Sep-18 19:41:50

Unfortunately it’s an equal split, unless they had a legal pre nup drawn up before the marriage.

JudyJudy12 Wed 12-Sep-18 19:50:29

Legally I doubt you have a claim, morally it is a different matter.

Lisalou Wed 12-Sep-18 20:07:03

I think you will find that, bar having a written agreement, any equity after the sale will be divided equally between them

Melanieeastanglia Wed 12-Sep-18 20:22:13

Without a written agreement, I imagine any equity after sale of marital home will be divided between them.

However, I am no legal expert. I think you could perhaps ask a Solicitor who will know the answer.

Iam64 Wed 12-Sep-18 20:43:42

It will be a 50 - 50 split. I understand how frustrating this is for you and how unfair it seems.
Let it Go.

crystaltipps Wed 12-Sep-18 21:09:22

We gave our daughter a substantial sum as a deposit for the flat she was buying with her long term bf, we made them draw up a agreement which was that in the event of a split, she would get the deposit back, then the remainder would be split 50:50. They are fortunately still together, but wanted to protect our share .

Willow500 Thu 13-Sep-18 21:35:53

We gave son & DiL the deposit for their first house 29 years ago before they were married and had a written agreement too. Thankfully it was never needed. A solicitor would definitely be able to advise but unfortunately I think its probably true that they will have to split the whole amount between them 50:50.

Flossieturner Thu 13-Sep-18 22:15:44

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I think there are many of us who have been caught out by our generosity.. My son also lost out financially in similar circumstances. We helped him get back on his feet by assisting him again. This time though we had to remortgage our own property so we took out a Second Charge on his new house.

When they first get together, it is hard to put a damper on things by talking about the possibility of splitting up.

Bluegal Fri 14-Sep-18 16:07:49

You say he will get 30k? So Does this mean there is no equity other than the deposit? I was wondering how you would feel if the boot was on the other foot? Would you be happy that after 5 years of putting money into a house, your daughter walked away with nothing?

I think you have to be fair in these situations- nobody sets out to have a failed marriage.

kathyd Fri 14-Sep-18 16:32:58

My goddaughter has just finalised a settlement in court - taken to court because of the lack of co-operation of her husband. Her mother lent them about forty thousand pounds in order to buy a house which the judge has ordered has to be sold.
It is written into the settlement that my friend is to be repaid before any other calculations, my goddaughter is to have her debts relating to the house paid and then what is left is to be split 50:50.
The husband is livid but the judge said he was able to do that because of the quality of the evidence of what she had spent, and the lack of any documentation from her husband, even though it was requested numerous times by the court.
My goddaughter has come out of it with far more than she expected.

kathyd Fri 14-Sep-18 16:39:48

I should add that nothing was written before the separation and all has been decided by the court since the instigation of the divorce.
The mortgage has to be paid off first, (after my friend) and he was responsible for that but didn't pay it for two years so when that is paid off there will be very little left and he will be left with nothing - entirely due to his own fecklessness.

Bluegal Fri 14-Sep-18 18:58:36

Sorry kathyd....if that is the case I don't understand why the house HAS to be sold. Surely your goddaughter could just take a loan out to give her husband the small amount he has been awarded? Would benefit her more in long run to keep hold of the house - unless of course she can't pay the mortgage on her own?

Bluegal Fri 14-Sep-18 18:59:44

Actually ignore that last comment guys - its nothing to do with the OP and I was just being curious..........:grin

kathyd Fri 14-Sep-18 21:21:44

Bluegal My goddaughter can't afford a mortgage and she has huge debts accrued before the breakup from trying to keep the house going. She is now a single parent and has moved out of the house.
Anyway, the house is too big and expensive to run. Bought because the husband insisted on it as he had grand job ideas which didn't materialise because he was living in cloud cuckoo land. As I said - feckless.
The situation could have been settled much sooner without the intervention of the court if it hadn't been for his head in the sand attitude and behaviour.

stella1949 Sat 15-Sep-18 12:29:31

You gave the money to both of them - you can't now expect that it suddenly becomes your daughter's money because of the divorce. Life doesn't work that way. Move on.

Charleygirl Sat 15-Sep-18 13:19:58

I was in a similar situation but I was lucky, my ex recognised that it was my parent's hard earned cash which paid the deposit and he was decent enough to say that money was mine. Admittedly it is the only morally decent thing he has done in his whole life.

I am afraid that everything will be split 50:50.

leeds22 Sat 15-Sep-18 14:11:02

I think you will have to let it go. As my son said regarding a will dispute, he never realised how badly people could behave where money is concerned.

Humbertbear Sat 15-Sep-18 14:13:22

I’m afraid you needed to use a solicitor when you gave them the money. There are ways of tying it up so that if the couple divorce the money isn’t split. I know other people this has happened to and there is nothing you can do.

Sielha Sat 15-Sep-18 14:17:20

We have given both our children hefty deposits for their homes, with no contribution from their other halves’ families. We had documents drawn up to protect the money in the event of a split but we were advised at the time that they would probably count for little, if anything, should this happen. Pretty galling, I know, to think of your cash going out of your family in this way. Just keeping our fingers crossed that they stay together! Good luck.

HurdyGurdy Sat 15-Sep-18 14:18:17

I think this is the key part of your post

We gave *them* £60k for deposit

Unless you specifically said to *them* that the money was given to your daughter as her contribution to the deposit, (even better if there is anything in writing to this effect) then I don't think there is much chance in her keeping the first £60,000 of the sale price.

Juggernaut Sat 15-Sep-18 14:25:08

You and your daughter need to see a Solicitor who specialises in financial arrangements following a separation, and as soon as possible too!
If you can prove that the deposit was paid entirely by you, with no contribution from him or his family, you may have a case, but you'll need a paper trail to do this.
His parents should be encouraging him to give your daughter the full 60k back when the house is sold. To not do so just proves that both he and his parents are morally corrupt!
Your daughter will be a lot better off away from a person with such low standards of behaviour!

Yellowmellow Sat 15-Sep-18 14:28:50

Whatever the rights and wrongs are....and yes I think your daughter should get the £60k. Unless its in writing I would imagine you have little to no chance, unless your SIL has a twinge of conscience.