Gransnet forums


AIBU to expect a birthday card

(105 Posts)
Abbeygran Sat 13-Oct-18 20:48:48

Last year my son forgot my birthday. His marriage had just broken up so I let it go. This year, he’s forgotten again. To make matters worse, my daughter has also forgotten. She’s away at the moment for her job, and I’m looking after my DGS. I help both my AC with my dgs and dgd. I help pay for clothes, trips, have helped pay for holidays etc and ask for nothing in return. To be forgotten on my birthday has upset me very much. Am I being over sensitive?

MissAdventure Sat 13-Oct-18 21:02:43

I don't think its unreasonable to expect a card, but perhaps you could have reminded them?
Happy birthday, by the way flowers

FlexibleFriend Sat 13-Oct-18 21:04:23

If it's important to you then it's not unreasonable.
Happy Birthday x

Beau Sat 13-Oct-18 21:24:10

No, it's very thoughtless of them and most people would feel at least disappointed to be taken for granted in this way. I'm not a big one for birthdays and everyone in the family feels guilty at the amount of trouble my DD goes to, (which no-one else has the time or inclination to reproduce ?) but a birthday card? No, you are not being unreasonable.

cornergran Sat 13-Oct-18 21:31:20

Happy birthday abbeygran. No, not unreasonable. It happens often to me and it hurts.

BlueBelle Sat 13-Oct-18 21:38:57

It is hurtful and I feel for you I d hate that to happen
Happy birthday ??

paddyann Sat 13-Oct-18 21:53:20

its just a day,if they are caring people otherwise then let it go.Sometimes life gets in the way of these things .My OH has never sent a card in all our time together ,its not something that I even think about.Dont let it bother you .

Melanieeastanglia Sat 13-Oct-18 22:03:33

It is thoughtless of them since it has happened more than once. I suppose you could mention your birthday in passing when you next see them and see how they react. Are they generally good to you?

Abbeygran Sat 13-Oct-18 22:14:38

Thank you for the birthday wishes. I’ve been feeling a bit taken for granted lately. Feels like the more I do, the more is expected, and the less thanks I get. DD did at least call me, DS sent a WhatsApp asking what time am I picking him up tomorrow. No mention of it being my birthday today.

ginny Sat 13-Oct-18 22:25:01

No you are not being unreasonable.
Forget theirs next time.

sunseeker Sat 13-Oct-18 22:26:40

Happy birthday Abbeygran I know exactly how you feel. I don't have children but none of my immediate family remembered my birthday this year - not even my mother! I made light of it but deep inside I was hurt.

fourormore Sat 13-Oct-18 22:45:02

Bless you Abbeygran I know how that feels as well - it seems there is a lot of it about going by other posts.
We always remember birthdays and if we're not likely to see them we post the card to arrive on the day. Sadly, I am a bit OCD re things like this but it does hurt when you think of all you have done for them since birth. Just acknowledging a birthday isn't hard.
There is always the excuse that they're busy but there is a wonderful invention called a diary - even on phones nowadays! Even a text would do!
We have a 'things to do' diary in which I write all the bdys and annivs etc. as well as other things to remember. Then 2-3 days before each of those dates I write in 'Post name's card' It isn't rocket science and means such a lot to a lot of people.
I hope you had a lovely birthday whenever it was flowersflowersflowers

Luckygirl Sat 13-Oct-18 22:49:08

As I am the worst person in the universe for forgetting birthdays, this makes me feel bad! Even if they are in my diary in red, my mind seems to pass them over!

NfkDumpling Sun 14-Oct-18 07:27:48

I’m terrible at getting birthdays right as I rarely notice what the date is. I know its sometime in October at the moment, but don’t know the day so I’m afraid my birthday greetings are sometimes a day or too out. I have a supply of Sorry I Forgot Your Birthday cards. Happy Birthday for yesterday Abbeygran!

Brunette10 Sun 14-Oct-18 08:28:47

Happy Birthday Abbeygran and no it's not unreasonable. I too would feel exactly like you - no excuse to forget mum's birthday at all. I'm sure once they realise what they have done and how you feel about it they will feel bad. Wonder how they would feel if you forget their birthdays! Try and have a good day anyway and hopefully they will realise how hurt you are and make up for it.

sodapop Sun 14-Oct-18 08:29:12

Happy Birthday for yesterday Abbeygran flowers
I find that my children do not send cards any more to anyone, seems like the custom is dying out. I think though that a card is important to our generation and our families should realise that. It shows us that someone cares enough to make that small effort.

Gagagran Sun 14-Oct-18 09:24:12

I don't think the younger generations value cards like ours did. They use social media instead with emails. texts, whatsapps, instagrams etc.

My DS and DiL don't send cards for either birthdays or Christmas but I never doubt their affection or good wishes towards us. I always remember their birthdays and WA and send cards to them because I grew up with that custom. Times change and modern communications are vastly different to what they were even 10 years or so ago.

Happy birthday Abbeygran - hope you can come to terms with not having cards. It really doesn't mean they don't love you I am sure! flowers

Abbeygran Sun 14-Oct-18 09:55:52

Thank you all again. I should mention that with both my AC being divorced, I also organise birthday and Christmas presents/cards for the little ones to give their parents. Maybe I do too much.

KatyK Sun 14-Oct-18 10:02:52

No you're not being unreasonable. I have a friend who is run ragged by her children. She babysits children and babies daily, runs errands for them, cooks and does their cleaning and ironing, as well as holding down a job herself. Her DH does their gardens and DIY jobs
They never get a birthday or Christmas card or gift
It's disgraceful.

Witzend Sun 14-Oct-18 10:03:09

I don't blame you for being upset, Abbeygran - a card is not a lot to ask, even if they are very busy.

Could be (a bit) worse, though - someone I know who had two endless-worry adult children, once had no Mother's Day card from either of them, but they then made it worse by both pretending that they'd sent one, but ' must have got lost in the post.'
The very obvious lies upset her more than the failure to bother.

TerriBull Sun 14-Oct-18 10:06:09

I can feel your hurt Abbeygran, sometimes our children are thoughtless and as Gagagran said we like our cards more so than possibly the younger generation. It's a Happy Birthday from me flowers

rockgran Sun 14-Oct-18 10:53:08

I've never seen the point of running the risk of being forgotten. Just drop a few (heavy) hints to remind them before the day. It saves their embarrassment and your disappointment. Adult children can be thoughtless at times but we are not on their minds to the extent that they are on ours - that's life. Happy Birthday! cupcake

henetha Sun 14-Oct-18 11:09:18

You are not being unreasonable. Downright thoughtlessness hurts. I hope at least you received a text or something.
It's true that the younger generation don't send cards as much as we do. That's no excuse though for downright selfishness. I hope you managed to enjoy your birthday in
spite of this.
Drop heavy hints next year!

NonnaW Sun 14-Oct-18 11:32:56

I fully understand as my 3 sons forgot my birthday last year. I’m used to not getting cards, but they usually send something so I was quite hurt. However, this year they made up for it as I had a combined present from them, and even better, I saw DS1 last weekend, and DS2 Friday/Saturday on my actual birthday so I’m a happy bunny this year. DS2 even gave me a card, albeit an adapted Mother’s Day card he forgot to send earlier!

Madgran77 Sun 14-Oct-18 20:48:14

Sorry KatyK but more fool your friend really! Why on earth doesn't she get on with her own life; babysitting is her choice - but why is she doing their cooking and washing and her husband doing their gardening and DIY? I'm a bit gobsmacked at that to be honest ….!