America’s Purity Programme !

Which States in the US allow 12 year old to marry, out of interest?

My mother's reaction to learning I'd lost my virginity was to stay up all night being sick. I was then reprimanded by my father (who didn't know what had caused my mother's indisposition). Thereafter, I felt totally worthless. Can anyone guess what my behaviour pattern was following that? Other - non-Christian societies - hold very different values; sex is not a taboo, just a natural part of maturing. People can have trial marriages or long betrothals during which they have sex. We, in Britain, are still hidebound by old, totally unrealistic strictures of the Bible with sex being part of the 'knowledge' that wicked old Eve discovered. The problem in Britain is that many families no longer eat together in a manner that gives them the opportunity to talk and respect one another's viewpoints; also, that so many parents abnegate their responsibilities, expecting schools to fill in where they fail. Sex is a natural process in our animal life cycle. Religious control and commerce have made it 'dirty'.

There are still 12 year olds being married off to older men in some states BECAUSE they are pregnant.The man should be prosocuted and the child helped but no these good old christian folk marry them off to save the family "shame" Its disgusting.The same folk talk about moslems marrying girls off young ,pot and kettle !

I once heard this being discussed on the radio ( it’s not new, the purity movement ) and the two girls being interviewed said it made them happier, they could relax because nothing was expected of them, either by boys or by other girls egging them on.
Their feeling was it gave them time to grow up and develop without being pushed into sexual relationships they may not be ready for.
It nay not be the culture to do this everywhere, but as other posters say, it’s better than std’s and unwanted pregnancies.

Only in America.

MagicWand Even though I preferred as a young woman to wait until I was married, I agree with you about sex. It is not the most important thing. I told my own daughters, whose father had died, that I respected their decisions, I tried to make sure they understood everything, about protection from pregnancy and disease. Most importantly though, I tried to explain the emotional side to sleeping with a boy - intense feelings like love, that can arise. Also sometimes the danger of horrible loss of self-esteem and regret. I also told them that many boys are exploitative and would gossip about them, as I knew this from my work and research. My aim was to protect them so that they made a fully informed choice. I know one at least waited until she was married. Another I think was the same, the other I do not know about, but she married fairly late and I would never have wanted her to miss a loving relationship with the right man. She is very happily married, as are are they all, I am so glad to say.

I am also one of the people that have only had one sexual partner but I’m afraid we did not wait until marriage!

I would also describe myself as a Christian but have enough experience of the real world to know that it is preferable to discover what type of sexual partner you have before the ring is on your finger! There are some weird people out there and an inexperienced girl makes for easy pickings.

I also feel that the ‘wait for marriage’ supporters are putting too much emphasis on sex. Should it really be the only thing you should not be allowed to do unless you are married? Should it be given that much importance? It is an important part of a relationship but the most important- no I don’t think so!

Bridgeit I do not think I can judge. We are all different. We do not know the circumstances. Her father may truly want to protect his daughter and is only too aware of the pitfalls of being a young and innocent trusting female. His daughter may be aware that he loves her and wants the best for her. We may think it would only be democratic and correct if both sons and daughters signed before both mother and father, but we do not know this family's circumstances.

I actually believe if my dad had said to me he didn't want me to have sexual intercourse before I was married I would have understood he was caring for me and would have promised him that it was my own belief that it is best not to do so.

There was a movement that wore a ring (I forget which finger) declaring chastity before marriage so that students knew each other's beliefs on the matter.

Crumbs Craftycat! Don't hold back about condemning a whole nation! I hope you aren't planning to return to the US!

As far as I know quite a lot of American teenagers, both male and female, promise to remain chaste until they marry.

We can call it old-fashioned if we like, but it is in strict accordance to most world religions view of sexual morality. I was myself brought up to believe that it was reprehensible not to remain a virgin until marriage. Times have changed, but as long as the youngsters deciding to remain chaste are not being forced to act against their own wishes, I don't think it is very likely to harm them.
It will surely do less harm than contracting HIV or an STD or even an unwanted pregnancy.

Chucky there are many people in life who have good morals to pass onto their children without either controlling them or being a Christian There are many very good people from all religions and there are many good people who have no particular religion There are equally, many bad Christians and other religious people and indeed non religious folk
The fact you are a Christian have been married for 40 years and only had one sexual partner is totally irrelevant to the story, that is you and this is someone totally different I do not have your perfect credentials but I believe I brought my children up very well on my own you can be a very good person and have more than one sexual partner that doesn’t necessarily put you on the top table
I try to have an optimistic view on the world but you need to be realistic you cannot live in cloud cuckoo land

Each to their own.

Chucky, by your reckoning, I shouldn’t have had any sex until I was in my late 40’s. How dull!
Personally, I can see nothing positive about old fashioned Christian values, full of patriarchal nonsense.

Mmmm, as if she is going to tell her father if she's going to break it....a load of toot

I agree BlueBelle that there are many issues in the world. It is such an unsavoury place. I prefer to look on the optimistic side that she does have choice. I am a Christian and have been married for nearly 40 years, my husband was my first and only partner in sex, and I’m not ashamed of that. I have tried to pass my “values” on to my children as these are sadly lacking in this world.

I’m afraid I dislike the idea. The fact that boys don’t seem to be included perpetuates the old idea that women are the tempters, and men are blameless, and just can’t help themselves, if the women don’t “behave” appropriately.

I don’t have any issues at all with a girl/woman deciding for herself that this is what she wants.

That's a very sweeping statement craftycat maybe you didn't meet a wide range of people.
I agree that the Purity thing can be taken to extremes which is never good. However I do think the movement by young people themselves to counteract the promiscuity which is rife now should be commended.

A bit to "showy" for my liking.

My C both boys and girl what brought up to respect their bodies. When they started dating boys were told to treat/respect their girlfriends as they would want their sister to be treated/respected.

The minute you ban something it becomes more attractive, better to be open, talk about sex, and that it should be part of a loving caring respectful relationship, not something to do on a Friday night because you can!

I am against "controlling" parenting of over 18's, you only have to look at the estrangement and DIL threads to see the problems that arise.

oh dear Chucky your view sounds so naive, believing the girl has a choice of her own, hopefully she does but it’s very unlikely that she does any more than the children of the fundamentalist Baptist who shout obscenities and use their children to hold up placards abhorring homosexuality or the Middle Eastern brides who have their husbands chosen for them whether they want to be married or not or even nearer to home the young women who until recently have had to travel to U.K. to get an abortion They are brain washed into these very archaic and male controlling traditions

Nothing Americans do surprise me! DH worked over there for a long time & I found most of them to be rude, patronising, self- centred & basically weird.

We did meet some really nice people but the vast majority were very strange.

Mmmh - takes two to tango - I would like to see boys pledging to either or both their parents that they would not get a girl pregnant! Perhaps the lack of sex education is responsible for the high teenage pregnancy rate.

Bet this was in the Southern States bible belt where they still live in the 17th century. I have watched a father and daughter holding hands like lovers throughout a church service (she was in her teens) in the good old South. I have also known a couple from the Southern States where the father actually washed & showered the daughter until she was 11 (it could have been longer, I don't know). Did this girl have the opportunity NOT to pledge to her father? What would have happened if she'd rebelled? This is subjugation of women - the sort of women who end up, ironically, voting for monsters like Trump because in many States there is still a patriarchal society. Yes, there is a movement of young people who pledge chastity and it is definitely linked to fundamentalist Christian groups. Is it unhealthy? Any kind of coercion is unhealthy. 18 of the U.S. states do not have a legal minimum age of marriage - how healthy is that?

non of your business

Chucky. Abstinence from sex prior to marriage is not the only answer to an overpopulated world. Science has given us the means to limit how many children a woman can or wants to produce, married or unmarried, in her fertile years. So isn't it in our own hands.? Yes there will be accidents but hasn't science given a woman the morning after alternative that some would not want to take ? again their choice. The world is overpopulated. There are countries where women are constantly abused married or not leading to unwanted pregnancies what do we do about that?

I would understand the lack of any involvement of the mother to imply that she is also completely controlled by the father. Unfortunately the "Good old fashioned Christian values" in some parts of the world are that men have complete domination over women. It is possible her choice was sign the document or be thrown out of the home.

It sounds a bit too close to the culture which prevails in certain parts of the world where religion dictates that girls should undergo 'virginity tests' is they are suspected of having been anywhere remotely near a male person they are not related to.

Boys, however, are allowed to go right under the radar. As usual.