Table Manners

One of my line managers was an Education Officer - head of department. He used to get me to check his spelling when he typed letters. He was well educated and intelligent but just couldn't spell. Many people can't. They really don't enjoy being corrected. Its not that important.

All this talk about how to use cutlery at the table, I'm sure some of you would be horrified to see the young man, about 18-23, at the table near to us some time ago, eat a roast dinner entirely with his fingers!

Many people can't spell. No big deal. When I worked in the City, I always carried a small Oxford Dictionary. Table manners? Does it matter unless having dinner at Windsor Castle? FYI my in laws are from Iraq. They have DIFFERENT table manners but my SILs know what to use in a posh restaurant but eat with hands at home.

Basic rule of thumb: if eating on your own sofa, use fork as you please.

In public use the bloody thing correctly

My grandson, 12 months old, is already proficient in the use of cutlery.
He bungs all his little spoons on the floor, grabs my fork, and waves it in the air whilst shovelling in his food with his free hand.
I do so love the innocence and messy joy of little children!

I was always taught that knife and fork at 5/7 o'clock indicate you are still eating, whereas both at 6 o'clock meant you are finished.

Muffinthemoo, who defines what is "correct"?

The use of forks was originally an anathema as it was believed that God had provided natural forks, ie the fingers. Men initially rejected them because they were too feminine.

All of the above were restraints foisted upon us because somebody thought they knew better. As long as you are not a danger or revolting to your fellow being, what right has anybody to tell you the way you use your cutlery is wrong, no matter where you are?

that makes sense icanhandthemback

I do hold my knife correctly and I understand how silver service works, and I can 'correctly ' eat soup (When it's not in a mug). However I do rest my elbows on the table, I do let the handles of my cutlery rest on the table between mouthfulls, and I freqently eat with the fork only, prongs up, in my right hand. I have even eaten a sausage like a lollipop - but only at home, out of sight! I never speak with my mouthful, or chew with my mouth open - that, others have said, are the real bad manners.

I understand that some posters find these rules of etiquette tedious. It's difficult though to shake off these things which were instilled into us at an early age. I think the pendulum has swung the other way and people have become lazier especially with teaching children how to use utensils and be independent.

All I care about is what people are eating, not how. I'm vegan, and wish that everybody else was too. I don't care if people eat with their fingers - just not animal products! I would be so happy to have a kinder world.

We are being told now that animal agriculture is a very large contributor to climate changing emissions, and the WHO has said that processed meats are carcinogenic, and probably red meat is too, and dairy is implicated in many women's cancers and also in prostate cancer.

I'd love to see people enjoying wholesome vegan meals, using their cutlery anyway they like, and leaving my friends, the animals, off their plates.

sodapop I was taught impeccable table manners as a child & " correct" use of cutlery etc. but have learned, through experience, that much is just snobbery and class! I have made what I consider practical and sensible decisions on use of cutley and table "etiquette". I eat in a way that suits me and does not put others off eating with me!

Oh my goodness - what on earth does it matter? Who makes these silly rules anyway? As long as the diner eats without flicking, spitting or spilling food everywhere, why should it concern anyone else?

Agreed about slurping/loud chewing noises though: personally I find this a tad nauseating, but I don't give a stuff about etiquette even though I was taught the 'correct' way to use my cutlery by my parents aeons ago. My mother used to tell me that anyone holding their knife like a pencil must be 'lower class' and as a child I believed her. It had an effect on me for years until I realised she was talking rubbish, but even now I can hear her disapproving voice in my ear when I see someone in a restaurant doing just that!
My father used to pour his tea into his saucer and slurp it. We all thought that was very funny and oddly enough my mother didn't protest much. He also used to lick his plate clean sometimes. I hasten to add that both actions were for home meals only.

Odd, isn't it, what people are offended by with eating habits. I find wasting food a far more heinous crime....

Oh, and Maudlillian and Pecs - completely agree!

It matters if the way you use your cutlery causes you to lift your elbows because that could affect the person sitting next to you. Perhaps it also matters if you need to feel confident in public? DS had a girlfriend who was starting a new job and knew that she would be eating out as part of the job, she was uncomfortable about that and asked us to show her the correct way to do things. Maybe no one thinks like that any more?

Why would someone come on here and tell another poster how to use language or how to spell? What kind of person would do that? I wonder how someone could reach the age of most of us and not learn how to be sensitive to others' feelings.

Why should I become vegan? The human is an omnivore, I enjoy both meat and vegetables. Provided the animal has been treated well during their life and slaughtered humanely I have no problems. This thread is supposed to be about table manners not about vegan versus the rest of us.

I do not think anyone was telling you that you should be vegan! Maud because of her personal opinion on veganism (a bit like everybody else expressing theirs about the use of a fork!) wished more people shared her view!

I wished I could be vegan as my head tells me that it is better now we consume so much. I agree that humans are omnivores but we eat far more meat than is probably good for us (internationally..not just GNers!) However I know I am unlikely to be even vegetarian! I do try to keep meat and other animal products to a minimum and eat my pulses with my upturned fork

But the thread was about table manners not food wastage or the sin of eating flesh.

This thread is hilarious. I don't give a fig how anyone holds their cutlery or eats their food. Who are we to judge? All these Hyacinth Bucket type 'naiceties' are a hang up of our class system where lower middles are desperate to distance themselves from 'common' people. I spent my whole childhood having the word 'common' drummed into me - don't do this or that, it's common. Stupid things like - white shoes are common - what on earth?? I now revel in doing common things!! Most of the things I had drummed into me as a child were actually ridiculous. Maybe we are eating like Americans now, so what? I'm always a bit uncomfortable with the ease in which people sneer at and judge Americans, as if it's somehow ok. If you substituted the words black or Jewish or Muslim instead of American in these judgements it would sound very dodgy indeed. Like most people on here though I find it unpleasant when people are disgusting (spitters for example) but the way they hold their knife and fork is entirely up to them.

My gripe with cutlery is that we are rarely if ever provided with a dessert fork. I’m not keen on watching people pushing pudding on to their spoons with their fingers.

This is a very amusing thread.
I have never thought about how I hold a knife and fork, so will pay attention to it when we have a meal later on.
Bijou a spoon! I think you have the right idea there, less droppage and you can load it up more.
At the end of a meal I leave the cutlery at the six o clock position, it just seems natural, and I never leave anything on the plate for ‘Miss Manners’ either.
sluttygran I loved your description of what the baby does .
The only heinous crimes of the table ( to me) are slurping,
Talking with a full mouth and grabbing food instead of asking for it to be passed.

Me too JustGrandma. I don’t know what my Grandmother would have made of our more relaxed attitudes but I bet she’s spinning in her grave at me ?

Here goes - I like to lick my plate ! ( in private!)

tiredoldwoman ?. Waste not, etc

I have never thought about how I hold a knife and fork, so will pay attention to it when we have a meal later on.
When I was young, if a boyfriend held his knife like a pen I knew he would be on his way pdq.

Forks can be turned over to pick up peas.

I have noticed some of our Eastern European relatives tend not to put their knife and fork together when they have finished, they put them across the plate iyswim, like a clock at 2.45.