Table Manners

As long as my family eat tidily, keeping the food on the plate, I don't care which way up they use their fork or how they hold their knife. I do care that no books, phones, toys, ipads etc are brought to the table. That mouths are closed when chewing, and not crammed too full. That napkins are used to wipe faces/accidental spills, that children ask to leave the table and that both adults and children thank whoever has provided the meal before moving from their seat. That is what I was taught were good table manners, not which way round you use your fork!

Once on a cruise we sat with an American couple at dinner. As we were eating she loudly said to her husband, 'look at the way they're using their cutlery!' (We didn't cut up all the food then transfer our forks to our right hand like they did.)
I almost said 'look we have ears and are sitting right next to you!' We avoided such I'll mannered people for the rest of the cruise.

I was brought up the old fashioned way and have noticed family and friends holding knives like pencils. I don't like it but would never say anything as I'd be accused of being either snooty or a know-all.
I prefer peace and quiet to being right.

Table manners vary from one country to another, but as far as I know in no European country is it considered correct to turn your fork round and push food onto it with your knife. I don't think it is consider correct in USA either, although there many people do cut up all their food than lay their knife down and eat only with their fork. This is considered odd here, if not exactly bad manners, unless you are handicapped.

It doesn't bother me how people use their cutlery, but like many others I object to people eating noisily or with their mouths open, or talking with their mouths full!

I’ll never forget when my DH and I were dating. One day we were having fish and chips,at my house, and he was setting the table. He turned to my Mum and asked her where the fish knives and forks were kept. Her face was a picture. My parents thought I was marrying into a very posh family.
It was just the way that he had been brought up.

I cannot bear to see people eating messily and greedily, shovelling food in their mouths and chewing noisily with their mouth open, and talking with a mouthful of food.
But, seriously, I couldn't give a damn which way round they hold their cutlery. Does it honestly matter? Or are some people just clinging to a set of ancient rules for the sake of it? I mean, how absurd is it to expect anyone, let alone a small child, to squash their peas onto the back of an upturned fork, when for all the world the utensil looks like a scoop?
I seem to recall reading somewhere that in mediaeval times, before the introduction of forks, people would cut their food with a knife, then spear it with the tip of the knife to bring it to their mouth. At what point do we accept that one set of rules is allowed to supercede another? Perhaps now is the time to consign the ridiculous upturned fork tradition to history.

And I really do wish, GabriellaG, that you would stop correcting people's English usage on here. Now that is appallingly bad mannered

Goodness me, I’m sorry I ever started to read this thread. Good table manners -not talking with your mouth full or chewing with your mouth open, not eating a large piece of food like a lolly, fair enough, but picking holes in the way people hold their knives and forks, claiming you were taught the ‘proper way’ and looking down on those who don’t fit your idea of proper? I learned to cut food with my knife tucked into my palm, but now, because of arthritis, I hold it like a pencil and never thought anything about it. How much more enjoyable it will be in the future, knowing that when I do that it will be irritating a whole group of ‘perfect’ people.

One thing that really annoys me is the waving about of knives and forks. I was always taught to keep them pointing downward. Who wants to see cutlery coated in gravy etc. being pointed at them.

I'm old and veggie. I don't need to cut anything up, so I guess I'm an irritating person who scoops and stabs with the fork in my right hand. Knife is either unused or propped on the plate's edge.

I think Monica's usage of discrete was probably a spelling error and what does that matter. If it was a test or there were many of them it might but like most folks on here I enjoy reading the posts and would never dream of contradicting anyone (hope I've used the right word there!!).

jacq monica’s use of discrete was actually correct.
What gabriella was objecting to was monica’s use of two adjectives (‘discrete’ and ‘individual’) to describe the same thing.
I would argue though that that is a matter of style rather than correctness, and if it’s ill-mannered to point out incorrect spelling on GN, to my mind it’s infinitely worse to object to a poster’s literary style.
Have a nice day, y’all!
That’s for those who object to American manners and usage.

As several people have already said, the worst table manners are eating with ones mouth open, and talking with mouth full.i have seen people who hold their knife "correctly" do this. How you hold your knife is getting into the realms of : do you say what or pardon, toilet or lavatory !!

Oh, and perhaps pointing out pleonasms should be left to Pedants Corner!

If you’ve ever seen a clip on television of children eating at school you will know that children are not taught table manners at home.It’s all part of modern parenting with these rules:
1 There are no rules.
2 Never say No.
3 Children must have everything they want.
4 If your child is unhappy or cross or naughty, then it’s your fault and you have failed at parenting.
5 Grandparents know nothing about raising children.

I agree with CarolMary that it's rude to correct someone else's grammar. The ones who do it are evidently those who have so little to be proud of they inflict their " knowledge" on others. Mrs Know-alls.

I would really annoy a lot of you: I generally eat foods such as curry, chilli, stew etc. with a spoon, even though I was taught proper table manners as a child (in the sixties), and know it isn't the 'proper' way to eat.

To me, the spoon is by far the best-designed tool for eating such foods, so I refuse to let quaint, outdated customs deter me from using one when eating at home (though if eating out, I go with the flow and use the cutlery I have been given - I wouldn't dream of asking for a spoon if one hadn't been provided for that purpose)!

I am equally scornful of the 'elbows off the table' rule.

Noisy or messy eating are another matter, as they impact other people's enjoyment of a meal!

My Mum was a "Silver Service" waitress so we were both taught how to lay a table and use our cutlery. It has served me well.

My pet hate is people who put their knives in their mouths. It literally makes me feel sick. As they could cut their tongue.

watermeadow

Watermeadow that's it exactly!

Many of my friends (who have very good table manners) use the knife like a pen. At grammar school where we sat formally on tables of six, table manners mattered. There was always a teacher on duty and I remember one saying that if there was nothing to cut then one used the fork in the right hand. In those days of meat and 2 veg I suppose the only school meal that didn't need cutting would be shepherds pie. DH and I use the fork in the right hand for pasta and rice dishes.

As for setting the table, when people had monograms on their cutlery the table would be set with the tines and spoon bowls downwards to show off the monogram on the back.

I hear you, was also taught at very early age how to use c7tlery. But was c9m0,etrl6 shocked when 8 saw an add for soup, young child with huge spoon, putting entire spoon in his mouth, predictably soup down his chin. What happened to using proper soup spoons? There is a method, and 8t works, no drips, spoon does not go in your mouth!

Only time I feel it appropriate to turn a fork up is to gather the likes of peas, corn. Otherwise I like to see the old fashioned cutlery system used.

Bathsheba

Oh!
I might take note if it was a comment from the person whose spelling/ grammar I corrected...but it wasn't so I won't.
BTW, why is it considered ok to point out when someone gets their facts wrong but not ok to point out their incorrect spelling?
As long as I'm not correcting you then you have no business 'pulling me up'.

But equally, GabriellaG, you have no business telling any forum user what they are and are not allowed to post.

Oh look! I just started a sentence with a conjunction! Go on, get your red pen out