AIBU for being angry?

Ok, so I changed my name because of the confusion. I am sorry about the name, I thought I was being a bit clever with the pseudonym thing. Of course it blew up in my face like every little thing I try to do.

Yes my partner is controlling, his mother is controlling and I am being controlled. I know this but can't seem to break free. I have no friends now, the friends we have are drawn to him because he has this funny, cheeky (and vulnerable) outgoing personality and I am quiet and withdrawn. Even when I was taken to hospital our friends were messaging him asking him how he was not one person messaged me. I am aware that I am not liked as much as him and I am seen as not a person in my own right but just his partner.

I am aware I need to run for the hills but when I run there will be nothing, no friends, no social life, nothing, just four walls...

Yes, I am depressed and burnt out, I know this. I have tried to make appointments via the Dr for counselling but the wait is so long and even if I did manage to get an appointment how will I get away to attend?

Got to admit I am feeling pretty hopeless, I keep telling myself to grow a back bone but I just feel defeated.

This type of psychological and emotional abuse is now deemed illegal - just like physical abuse!
You really need to stand up to it. They won't accept help? You can!
Speak to your gp, male or female, and make that your first step to helping yourself.
This demanding and controlling behaviour is intolerable so don't tolerate it !

osteo genesis imperfecta, from what I understand, there are several types and some of them can reach old age quite normally.
In any case, you really should not be expected to provide the majority of this lady's care (I use the word lady loosely) as she is really in need of professional care, both regarding the disease, as well as a tendency to lose weight. My mother is six stone and she is tiny - healthy as a horse, only 4 foot nine, but still well above the weight you mention for your MIL

I thought having the same or very similar names on GN was prevented when you register.

I think only one character has to differ. Mere similarity will not register with the automated checking system. Look at the number of Janes-with-numbers.

The other one is SuedoMIN! See the difference?

My online name is indeed a play on pseudonym, although I can't claim to have thought it up myself.

Also, it's not me with the MIL problem, Melanieeastanglia.

Quite annoying, though, SueDonim

I thought having the same or very similar names on GN was prevented when you register.

I thought SueDonim and Suedonim were clever versions of the word Psuedonym.

Perhaps I am wrong and reading too much into things.

I wish Suedonim well with her problems.

Perhaps the new OP will ask to change her name, which could be a good idea.

Lemongrove thanks for pointing out the similarity in names. Just for clarification, I have no connection with the OP, it's purely coincidence.

This is appalling. You are being controlled, manipulated, bullied and abused. I read your post and wanted to scoop you up and rescue you and hide you somewhere, but I completely get why you feel you can't leave.

This control and manipulation has clearly been going on for years and it produces a condition called 'learned helplessness' which is very difficult to reverse. You may not be in a position to leave immediately but do you feel you can start taking little steps towards it? What I mean is - do things like squirreling some money away, thinking about where you could go if you did leave? Are you able to support yourself? Do you have an independent income? Do you have a friend you can talk to about your home situation who may be able to help you by stashing a suitcase, even if you don't use it in the foreseeable future? Do you know how to access your local women's refuge? If you start thinking about these questions as if they are a real thing that is going to happen, you may start altering your mindset. You may feel a little more in control of your own life, that another way is possible - and it is YOUR life, not theirs to control. I do appreciate how hard it is though. Please, please realise you have a choice. Gosh I'm feeling so emotional about this. Big hugs to you.

I agree wholeheartedly I didn’t realise there were two people involved until it was pointed out that should not be allowed Not your fault Sue2nd
sue you do not need to placate this controlling man and woman Anorexia is a disease of control too You are doing too much it’s best you live with a guilty conscience that run yourself into the ground
You ve been given good advice by most on here now you need to follow it
You don’t mention loving this man and however hard it is the freedom of leaving can’t be worse than being an unappreciated slave How dare he tell you who to see and how can you meekly follow Think carefully beyond what you have been thinking already

I am surprised that she is under family care and not hospitalised. This is not a situation for home nursing, even by the most dedicated daughter-in-law! Get professional assistance at once whatever she says.

......' however it is much easier to say walk away than it actually is

If you really want to then you will. Perhaps you are not ready/worn down enough yet. This is not a flippant remark. I have done it in the past from a totally different situation. It is possible for all of us to make excuses and rationalise but ultimately we can make decisions to change our lives, even if at times it seems impossible.

Good luck whatever your decisions.

it's called osteo genesis imperfecta
and yes, I had another friend when I was a young girl (school age) who had this.
I am surprised that your MIL has survived to old age, though.

I really do think that HQ should intervene and forbid names that only differ from regular posters by a couple of letter being transposed...

Ideally, yes, but it would require much more sophisticated software than GNTech appears to have at its disposal.

Down to three and a half stone and still alive!
Sadly, I had a friend who used to go regularly under five stone (and she was more than 5') at which point she used to be hospitalised.
None of us knew about anorexia in those days.

I was for a minute or two as well then remember the other - original - SueDonim uses capital letters in her name.
Perhaps it may be an idea to ask for another username suedonim in case posters confuse you with her.

Does the domin bit refer to domination?
I think you're supposed to say it quickly Elegran and put the emphasis on the sueas in pseu

I was confused by suedomin being the almost-identical username to SueDonim too. It has no capitals. There have been posts by someone with a capital S and D. Is this the same poster or another? Does the domin bit refer to domination?

I really do think that HQ should intervene and forbid names that only differ from regular posters by a couple of letter being transposed, particularly when their first post presents with such an intractable and memorable problem.

Your partner and MIL are treating you very badly. Your partner sounds very controlling and unreasonable in attempting to prevent you getting medical care - you are an adult and can make your own decision - you need to protect your own health as carer nurnout is very real.

Do you have anywhere you can go for a few days (family or friends etc) so that you can get some proper rest and leave your partner to sort out his mother's care

I apologise for the name, I had no idea that someone else here used a similar name.

Sue It sounds as though you are being manipulated by both your partner and his mother.

I agree with others. It's time to hand over the reins to someone else regarding the care of the mother, and to seriously consider parting company with your partner.

My ex-H was the same regarding doctors, though I just ignored him, but it was yet another symptom of a very deep problem that he had. A partner's control can be a very insidious thing and it's not always obvious until you go your separate ways.

My life was totally transformed after I, finally, plucked up the courage to end the marriage.

Thank you, lemon. Apologies for my mistake.

Lots of good advice on here, and in answer to your question, yes, you do have a right to be angry.

You also have a right to take the bull by the horns and take charge of your life, for goodness sakes.

Dodgy username by the way!

Suedomin, you say she has refused all available help so you have to do everything.
That is simply not true.

This will sound harsh, but there is an alternative.

Take care of your own health and wellbeing and leave her to take the consequences of her own decisions. You don't have to suffer for them.
I do not believe that any human person is entitled to drive another into the ground to meet their own needs.

The situation you describe is completely untenable and it can only go on happening if you agree to it. You don't have to do that.

I want to ask, do you have reason to be frightened of your husband?

May I suggest that you have an absolutely frank talk with your doctor or a social worker about your situation and ask for help for yourself.