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Tenant has met a girl......

(30 Posts)
Deni1963 Sat 01-Dec-18 09:56:04

AIBU. tenant who is brilliant and met a girl, nought her back unannounced and used the sitting room ( which I wasn't using), but he knows is not included in the rent, and she was back last night to watch a movie in his room.....she went home late evening.
I live in the house and he is the only tenant. I feel quite annoyed about it? But should I ?
I feel I need to make ground rules before this progresses - but unsure if I'm being unreasonable in allowing her to sleep over here etc which I really don't want.
What to do? What boundaries do other live in landlords have ?

Deni1963 Sat 01-Dec-18 09:58:40

Has met a girl and bought her back. Spelling edit !

janeainsworth Sat 01-Dec-18 10:04:57

When I went to live in a bed sitter in 1969 in Manchester, my landlady laid out the ground rules before I moved in.
There was only one.
I could have one boyfriend staying over, but not a whole string of them. Her meaning was perfectly clear.
You’ve left it a bit late Denil, but decide what you will tolerate and tell your tenant now.

FlexibleFriend Sat 01-Dec-18 10:23:24

You really should have planned ahead but if you don't want the GF staying over tell him it's not allowed. After all he's only paying rent for one not two. If use of the lounge is not included in the rent remind him of this too, you shouldn't be feeling uncomfortable in your own home. Of course if he wants the GF staying over he may look for new lodgings.

paddyann Sat 01-Dec-18 10:43:11

you have to remember the world has moved on since the 60's .We couldn't get a rental flat without a marriage certificate .Young people nowadays would think thats ridiculous and rightly so.
If you want him to consider it his home then he should be allowed friends ...even girlfriends to stay .Its the norm for most families that their teens have girlfriends to stay over .What is your objection to it?He's your tenant not your child so his lifestyle isn't really your business as long as he stays in the rooms he's allowed to use .

trisher Sat 01-Dec-18 10:50:02

Had he used the sitting room before? If so then it's understandable that he took her in there. As for in his room-it's his room. If you didn't say when he took it, "No pets, no girls, no overnighters" you can't start now. If you are not happy with it you can tell him and perhaps ask him to look for a new place. But if he's no bother otherwise is it really such an issue?

Sussexborn Sat 01-Dec-18 11:13:05

Does he use your kitchen and bathroom? Do you provide meals? How intrusive is the GF likely to be? You could tell him that you hadn’t thought it through and express your concern but, if he is serious about the GF, the most likely outcome would be him finding somewhere else to live. Would you be happier if he let you know when he is likely to bring her home so there are no unexpected surprises? He presumably feels comfortable in your home and your next tenant, if you intend replacing him, is an unknown quantity. It is even more important that you feel comfortable and at ease in your home so quite a lot to think through!

Gonegirl Sat 01-Dec-18 11:21:16

I think you should gently remind him that use of the sitting room is not included in the tenancy agreement. You are being unreasonable in not allowing the girl friend to stay over. It it looked like becoming permanent, or even too often, you could request extra rent to cover extra hot water, etc. But you can't be judgemental, of course.

Gonegirl Sat 01-Dec-18 11:21:42

...if it..

Buffybee Sat 01-Dec-18 11:25:23

You say that you really don't want your lodger to have his guests stay overnight.
I would say, your house, your rules!
He is already pushing the boundaries by bringing this girl back and entertaining her in your private sitting room.
Before this escalates, I would say that he is ok to bring friends back up to a certain time in the evening, not to use your sitting room to entertain and before he even asks, no overnight guests.
He is not paying rent for a houseshare, he is a lodger paying for one room and I presume, use of kitchen and bathroom.
Don't blur those lines!

Sparklefizz Sat 01-Dec-18 11:26:14

Denil Looking to the future, eventually she will probably stay over intermittently, leave her bits and pieces in the bathroom, monopolise the bathroom when you want to get in there, and cost you more in hot water etc so I would say you need to think it all through carefully.

You shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable in your own house and if he is not already allowed access to the sittingroom, then that should not change.

Deni1963 Sat 01-Dec-18 11:42:54

He'd only started talking to her 24 hours previously, and I knew but suddenly she is in my home no warning or anything. The sitting room is for my use only stated in contract and he hadn't even asked!
We get on very well. I don't mind if it becomes serious she stay over, but I don't want a string of gf in and out.
And also then the house is kind of taken over by some one staying all the time, costing more in bills when he is a single occupancy. I just don't know the boundaries to what you'd say in this situition. We get on well and he is a great tenant.

ninathenana Sat 01-Dec-18 11:58:31

If the sitting room is out of bounds as stated in the contract I would certainly forcefully remind him of that. I think he was way over the mark to use your room without even asking when it's in writing that he shouldn't.
I understand your reservations regarding a string of different GFs as apposed to a "steady" GF and I think you need a calm friendly chat about that, if you want to keep him as a tenant.
I'd feel the same if it was one of my AC and they were living at home never mind a lodger.

JenniferEccles Sat 01-Dec-18 19:34:04

I think it is probable that sooner or later your tenant will want the girlfriend to stay overnight, then possibly before you know it she may have moved in by stealth.

Of course if she does then she should pay you rent too.

As others have said you do need to be firm about your living room. I guess he took advantage because you weren't home at the time, but that is not on.

Grannyknot Sat 01-Dec-18 20:53:33

As you say you get on well, and he is a great tenant, just have a conversation with him about it and come to an arrangement that works for both of you...

Foxyloxy Sat 01-Dec-18 21:10:54

Petty? That was so obvious. I’m sorry that I’m retaliating in this way, when I have no intention of being offensive. If a person makes an error grammatically or misspelling. I feel that it is unkind to point it out. They might have missed it, when emotionally charged about an issue, or might not know. As long as the essence of their issue is clear, does it really matter? This forum is usually kind and helpful, but I have seen comments from time to time, which might have been better left untyped. Let’s be kind or shut up.

Bellanonna Sat 01-Dec-18 21:14:19

Foxylady the OP was correcting herself

notanan2 Sat 01-Dec-18 21:34:34

The sitting room is the only issue I see.

Generally with live in landlords these days, if a boyfriend or girlfriend is staying over more than 3/4 nights a week every week then there may be a discussion about charging them rent. If they are visiting less than 50% of the time that is normal usage of a rented room unless you PREVIOUSLY agreed otherwise.

grannyactivist Sun 02-Dec-18 01:10:17

My tenants have a contract that advises they may have a friend to stay, with my permission, at a cost of £xx per night. I've never yet asked anyone to pay the charge, but I keep the clause in there because it sends out a message that there needs to be an agreement about others coming into my home.

In practice my lodgers have had sisters, parents and friends to stay, but never a girl or boyfriend until very recently. They have always asked permission and it has always been granted. My current lodger has now got her first ever boyfriend (she's 23) and it's quite a serious relationship - he's spending Christmas with her family. He usually stays over here one night a week and she stays over at his for one or two nights.

I'm happy for my lodgers to use my sitting room, but they rarely do unless we've twisted their arm with the offer of food and a film. When they have friends to stay we prefer to meet them and get to know them so we usually invite them to have a drink and a chat with us.

Hilltopgran Sun 02-Dec-18 01:17:11

A tennant bringing someone back to your house he has only known for 24hrs is a risk for you. Normally before you agree a tenancy you take references, why should you be expected to let strangers into your home when you know nothing sbout them. I think you need to set some ground rules, before the situation becomes a regular occurrence and your acceptance of people casually staying over taken for granted. If a friendship develops to be more long term then you should be the one to decide if you want a third person staying in your home.

Elrel Sun 02-Dec-18 13:54:04

He shouldn't have used your private sitting room. Could he have thought it better than taking her to his bedroom? Or could she have been reluctant to go there?
Anyway the point is that he didn't ask or tell you he was inviting her in, even thought he'd told you he'd met a girlfriend. Hoping that by now you have talked with him and reminded him of his tenancy terms.

Davidhs Sun 02-Dec-18 15:38:54

Lodgers in your house with boyfriends or girlfriends can be intrusive wether they stay overnight or not, no matter how respectable the lodger a guest may be entirely different. After a few bad experiences we stopped visitors, in a separate flat or apartment it's OK but internal walls can be terribly thin

annodomini Sun 02-Dec-18 16:33:36

Has met a girl and bought her back
How much did he pay?

SparklyGrandma Tue 04-Dec-18 16:53:29

You will have problems renting the room to any working adult who needs a room and can pay. Overnight guests are fine.

Look at it another way, why would an adult pay for a room where maybe their sibling couldn’t stay if in town?

As others have said, times have moved on. Also, said with respect, try not to get too involved in the details of your lodgers lives, they are adults and you may need to set yourself a boundary.

Good luck.

cc Tue 04-Dec-18 17:34:55

I can understand why your are upset. We had lodgers and/or au pairs for many years and they all understood that they could not bring anyone to stay overnight - other than their families who sometimes came to stay. You don't even know this person, she could be someone he picked up online and doesn't know well. Your contents insurance would probably not be valid if she stole anything.