Not everyone's happy.

Maw your memories will not fade I promise you x

My husband died 1975. I read on a Christmas thread about leaving mince pies for Father Christmas, my first thought was my husband coming off duty, mince pies had been placed by our little ones , he said ‘mince pies’ and ate one , two little people squealed in horror .

Annie and Miss A ,so sorry.

Gransnet is a huge mishmash of topics and of emotions - just like all of human life. There is room for sympathy, room for celebration, room for sadness and room for joy. In the main, all these emotions are treated with respect; and Gransnet can be a wonderful source of comfort or of shred joys.

Being online, and the individuals not really known to us, it can be hard to judge the best responses - I know people who see Christmas as a chance to remember happier celebrations in the past, and others who cannot get past the pain that these memories bring. One's response to each person is different.

Apart from the political threads (!), on the whole Gransnetters are responsive and kind to others and reflect the best of human nature. Long may it be so.

Christmas wishes to all - whatever their circumstances.

"shared joys"

Luckgirl. X

I thought about writing something earlier on abaout thinking about the cards we send.

Though I agree with what Misadventure about other people having a good time, there are things that unintentionally twist the knife in the wound.

In these days of make your own personal cards it just needs a little thought to realise that the card with the photo of your grandchildren on the front is not the one to send to someone whose daughter has had a miscarriage.

Nor the one with you and your husband at your silver wedding to the friend whose husband is dying.

Or the last year’s picture of all your family together at Christmas to someone who will be on their own.

Mawbroon
Annie

So sorry for your loss.

It’s the second Christmas for me too. There’s a big space where he should be. As a Clergyman this time of the year had a special rhythm for him and we would be very busy. Last year DGS broke his leg just before Christmas so I was busy in a different way. This year it’s all very empty for me. Taking time for quiet reflection and seeeing friends before joining the family on Christmas Eve.
I have happy memories of Christmas. For all of us it’s time to make new ones but there is a sadness that is just there and in many ways binds us together.
Wishing all GNs a peaceful Christmas.

But we who grieve must remember all those who are not grieving and be happy for them , wish them a joyful Christmas x

I think nothing underpins the feeling of personal loss, more than Christmas, with it's enforce joility and at its worst it's such an over the top consumer extravaganza, with the original message getting quite lost.

To all those who have been devastated by loss

The first Christmas after my husband had died the previous March I remember filling the children’s stockings by myself was very strange. Other than that, though, I don’t think it was an unhappy Christmas.

I won’t forget Annie but I don’t want him to be airbrushed out by those mistakenly thinking they are sparing my feelings.
I think,the only way through this is to be as busy as possible and by the time I draw breath, it will be over.

I saw a Lockerbie tribute yesterday where the presenter said that you die twice.Once when your heart stops beating and again the last time anyone speaks your name .
I always talk about our friends and family who aren't with us ,the laughs the fun and even the sad times.It does make me sad that my GC didn't know my lovely Dad or my Granny but I tell them stories about them and hope they'll remember and pass them on.
Have the best Christmas you can ,raise a glass to the ones who left you behind and just remember memories never die.They will be with you forever .

Maw. I so understand x

This will be my first Christmas without my darling DH, but he will be remembered with joy as well as sadness, and a few tears shed. I hope to celebrate Christmas as he would want me to, not with a long face, but with smiles and happy memories in the bosom of our family. I have even bought him a Christmas card which is in pride of place, so that he knows how much he is loved. We are not all the same and I realise that for many people it will be a most painful and difficult time, and I wish for those people the courage and the strength to get through it. Yes, I will be grieving, but I will remember the happy Christmases we had, and be looking forward to the ones he would want me to have without him. He is always with me in my heart.

I am sure Paw would want you to enjoy Christmas and also your DD Annie. Thoughts for all those bereaved this year
.

My sister and I fell out two months ago. I have written a reconciliatory letter to her but she hasn't even sent us a Christmas card. I feel so sad about it.

mumof, that's rotten.

I emailed my sister in Canada at the beginning of last week. We were last in touch nearly a year ago around her birthday in January. Oh and I got a card for my 70th in March.
Not a word since

I think I might have said in the past that I didn't see why its being Christmas would make a difference to grief. That said, and still feeling that way myself, I do 'get', in an unemotional way, why its being Christmas makes a difference to other people because I see the effort other people put into Christmas preparations.

It doesn't make any difference to me because Christmas is no big deal to me. I'm allowed to feel like that and to say so without anyone taking offence. How I feel is how I feel. It's not an insult or anything negative towards anyone else. I guess I just don't feel much nostalgia about Christmas. My happiest times have not been at Christmas and neither have my saddest ones.

Don't 'censor' yourself, mcem.

Christmas doesn't mean that much to me, but it did to my daughter, and the two children she has left behind.
That's why I find it particularly sad.

Hope your sister contacts you Maw before Christmas.
I'm sorry MisssA that your GC have lost their mum and you your DD. Are the GC and her OH coping ?

She was a single parent.
The boys have been separated, the older one lives with his dad, the younger with me.
I was just thinking too, I can remember her health gradually declining by Christmas each year.
We had booked a holiday cottage to go away last Christmas.
Then she could no longer drive because the cancer had spread to her brain, so we talked about getting a taxi.
Then finally, she said "mum, I'm not well enough". She died before Christmas anyway.

Not holding my breath mumofmadboys she and I ceased to have a close relationship years ago.
There is history which I thought we might have put behind us after so many years but she is strange and I think, still resents me.