To feel a tiny bit miffed?

That was a personalised gift, 'ordered' from you. Had your friend gone to a shop, would she have expected a completely free item, hand delivered? I think not. Your friend's friend has received a hand made personalised Christmas gift for which she will take the credit, having paid nothing and gone to no trouble at all, and you have funded. I don't see that as fair or honest.

It’s difficult, but they ought to pay. I asked my SIL to make me a patchwork bag for a friend (like the one she’d made for my birthday). I offered payment and she refused. In the end we settled on my sending her a contribution to a charity she supports. I design and make cross stitch cards to order and I ask for payment up front. It’s not a big charge-cost of materials (design free, even when it’s, “Can you do my friend in Half a Sixpence on the card? or “I need one with something about John Ruskin”. Some folk change then their mind about ordering but that’s their choice.

I would have been more than 'a tiny bit miffed!' What cheek to ask you to donate your materials and your time. I make small leather items such as card cases etc, and I have gifted some to family without expecting payment, but I also sell them on Etsy, amd if someone there wants an item personalised, it is always payment up front, before I will even begin a project. Interestingly, there are always some people who ask for an item and when they realise they will actually have to pay before I begin, they disappear! Why not send your friend an invoice?

Petra to that I would have said “oh then a bottle of something would be lovely instead!”

Perhaps you can say, ‘while I don’t personally want payment, I like to make a gift of £... to my favourite charity which is ....... when I take orders’. No one can take offence at that.

An acquaintance of mine knew I had been after a certain LP for sentimental reasons. She goes to a lot of record fairs, found one, asked if I wanted it and offered to send it to me by post as she lives in Scotland. I asked her how much I owed her including postage so she could have named her price but she said she didn’t want any payment because she knew how much I wanted it. I didn’t feel comfortable with that so said if she wouldn’t accept any money could I make a donation to a charity of her choice. She chose the SPCA as she is an animal lover and I was able to make a donation on line. We were both happy with this and the acquaintance has now become a friend.

Should be SSPCA not SPCA.

My goodness what a cheek. Next time anyone asks you could say 'how much do you want to spend' before you commit to making it.

I make various craft items and on two occasions made to order for others. Both paid me for my trouble and I think that is only reasonable. Even if the materials are not costly craft items take quite a lot of time. I only usually take payment to raise money for charity. Otherwise I make items for myself or give them as gifts. People who make a living from crafts often have to charge a high price for their time which makes items seem very expensive and buyers often don't realise the time needed to make intricate items. When I have sold things for charity fundraising I get a lot of pleasure from people admiring my handiwork and when it is for charity they are willing to pay a realistic price.

I make birthday cakes etc as a hobby, and never charge friends - I do them as a gift.
However, a lady I didn’t know heard about this, and asked me to make a christening cake for her grandson. I quoted a modest price, just to cover ingredients, and she looked taken aback.
She said she thought I did them for charity. I asked her which charity she had in mind - I think she meant herself.
Anyway, she went off in a huff, saying that I was charging far too much.
She ordered a cake from a local bakery, paid three times as much as I would have asked, then telephoned to tell me she didn’t like the icing and would I change it for her!
Being a softie, I redecorated the cake and she was very pleased. No payment was ever mentioned!
Some people, eh?

There are a lot of mercenary, and very hard-faced, people in this world. I would be ashamed to face anyone again if I had taken advantage of their good nature.
Another way that people take the you-know-what is by accepting frequent lifts but never offering some petrol money, or a thank-you gift. Taxis are expensive!

I have drawn up my family tree and have sometimes been asked to share it with strangers. In the past I have gone to some trouble to do this, but have afterwards not even received a thank you. Now I always ask beforehand what research of their own they can share with me. As often as not, they haven’t done any at all.

Telly. Say nothing but have learned who your ' friends' are.Should this ' friend' approach you again for your services then I am sure you will have a well deserved response waiting.

I don't think people realise the time and effort...while all gifts deserve a thank you, maybe they equate them as no more than standard chain store gift. I felt really cross after knitting some quite impressive fairies for husband's grandchildren and never hearing A THING! Not even a brief message. Only knit for people I know and care about now!

Why is it that one finds it hard to ask for what they are due .you should give her a call and tell her what you expect to be given
This is nasty behaviour we couldn't go into a shop and take an item.without paying and if you did surely you know what is going to happen

When the request was made, I would have asked if the 'friend' had a particular budget in mind as I would then tailor the materials and time to the cost. That would put them on the spot.
You can't expect people to behave as you'd expect them to behave.

Clearly you wouldn't have mentioned anything at the start, Telly, as you didn't want payment but you are quite right to feel miffed that your friend doesn't seem appreciative of your skill and effort.

Maybe if that situation comes up again you could say something like "I don't charge to make things for friends but I like to ask for a donation to XXX charity."
Then don't start making anything until the donation has been made.

Here's hoping something might still arrive from your friend.

She should certainly have offered to pay you for the gift. Don't do it again. Some friend you have !!!!

I think your friend should have given you a token amount at least towards your materials, if not your time. Even if you were just using off-cuts and bits n bobs you had left over from previous projects, they have still cost you money in the first place.

But at the very very very minimum, a nice "thank you" card should have been sent, and a small bunch of flowers (even if just from a supermarket), just to show appreciation.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.

Yes PECS .... you’ve got the nail on the head there. Some people are givers and some takers. I’m a GIVER.... and as un-like all you crafters out there ... I don’t own a talent! My giving is my TIME. People ) mostly family) think that once you’re retired your free time become theirs’ to use as they seem fit. My NYR is NOT to give my time away so easily. All my resolution has come about through being thoroughly ill from beginning of December til now , and no end in sight. I struggled out this morning for app with doctor and she said my horrible cold won’t go until I get more rest and do less for others!! And Dyou know she’s right!! My daughter text to ask if I could have kids for coupla days as she was exhausted with school holidays ( she is teacher so gets 12 weeks holiday a year!!) ..and I said ‘NO’. Told her I’d seen doctor and I am actually exhausted( I take and pick up kids three times a week with no car) and look after invalid hubby.!! She was shocked but accepted my explanation . I hope I can keep my “no’s” going into new year. People ...they take the p* sometimes !!

I am going to go against the common feeling here but I think if you didn't ask for a monetary amount or donation to charity at the time, and you got a "Thank you," you are being unreasonable to expect anything else. You do a favour for someone, you do it for the love of it not for recognition, a gift, a card, etc. It is obviously nice if you get something but to be miffed when you don't? That's unreasonable.
Take this as a learning curve about you and the other person. In your case, you actually want more than a thank you so ask for what you want. In the case of of your friend, she is unlikely to give more than a thank you so either tell her what you want or say no. Simples!

Have I misunderstood you, OP? Reading your post, I thought it was the "thank you" sent as an e-mail that miffed you, not the fact that your friend didn't offer to pay.

If I understood you rightly, yes, IMO, you are unreasonable if you expected the recipient to thank you by letter and pay postage, when e-mails are free and much more reliable than the post.

If it was your time and effort you expected to be thanked for, then perhaps you should mention it to the friend who asked you to make the thing. She probably thought she was doing you a favour, as many people run out of people to give the things they make to.

If you haven't replied yet tothe email you could reply & say something along the lines of 'I hope you don't feel £x is unreasonable for a bespoke request' - or 'the coffees are on you", or something and leave it at that. If nothing forthcoming just chalk it up to experience.

Not really the same, but about payment when a friend of mine and myself go to a special occasion with former work friends, she usually drives, she wont take money for the petrol but I either buy something in advance to leave in the car for her, or invite her to lunch instead, it seems fairer that way,and we have a good cha ttoo.

I didn't ask for payment but it would have been nice if the Bride or her mum had said thanks for all your effort and time ,and to then tell me she had binned a lot of the cake really annoyed me .Surely if they didn't want to eat it she could have passed the extra tiers onto an old folks home or the hospital .