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To feel a tiny bit miffed?

(71 Posts)
Telly Thu 27-Dec-18 13:48:09

I have a crafting hobby and last year gave some things as gifts, something that I rarely do. Subsequently an old friend asked me to make a personalised gift for a relative. I took a couple of hours to design and more to create. I gift boxed and actually delivered it to her home as time was tight. Material cost was not that great as it is a hobby and I do have a store. Anyway received an email thank you and never heard anything else. Don't get me wrong I didn't want or expect payment but I would have thought that a card or perhaps a token of appreciation? TBH, I did feel a bit daft having gone to so much trouble. My friend is, by any standard, not hard up.

H1954 Thu 27-Dec-18 14:02:55

Am I correct in assuming that an old friend asked you to make a gift for a third party and then did not offer to pay you? I am also a crafter and seamstress, I have a stock of materials, fabrics, trimmings etc as well as all the equipment to design, create, sew, finish and present a project BUT all that equipment has to be purchased and maintained and fabrics and notions do not come cheap! Yes, I've made items for me to give as a gift; the only items I don't charge for are those that I make for charity sales like scouts etc. I studied for my qualification, worked hard to earn the money to upgrade my machines and spend a great deal of cash on quality fabrics. So, by that token, I consider your old friend has taken advantage of your skills and in future I would put a cost on an item before it's produced, if they don't want to pay they can shop elsewhere. Your friend is so in the wrong to expect you to finance their Christmas gift list!

phoenix Thu 27-Dec-18 14:05:34

Your friend should have offered payment, Telly and if you did refuse it, then at least sent a plant, flowers or a box of chocolates.

Your generosity and kindness have been taken advantage of!

janeainsworth Thu 27-Dec-18 14:15:41

I think most people, when asking you to make something for them, would add as a matter of course, ‘please let me know what this costs so I can pay you.’

In future if the situation arises telly and an offer of payment isn’t made at the time of the request, you must say something like ‘of course, but I will need to charge you for the materials (and time, if appropriate), it would work out at £x.’ It might seem hard to do that, but you are perfectly justified in saying it. Practise a few times in front of the mirrorsmile

There’s no reason at all why anyone should expect you to to use materials that you have paid for, and your valuable time, for free. Don’t under-value yourself and your skill, which is what this old ‘friend’ has done.

Telly Thu 27-Dec-18 14:17:02

H1954 - Yes, friend did ask me specifically to make a personalised gift.
phoenix - Payment was not offered, but I did not expect it. I just felt a bit well, guess you have spelt it out - taken advantage of.
Thank you for your responses, does not seem it's just me.

EllanVannin Thu 27-Dec-18 14:21:37

It's people like your friend whose banks are overflowing. I keep telling myself to take a leaf out of their book if I want to save-----------it doesn't work with me, but I wish it did !

Anja Thu 27-Dec-18 15:09:34

My stock answer in situations like that is usually ‘let me think about that/cost that out/check my diary (etc) and get back to you’.

Chewbacca Thu 27-Dec-18 15:54:47

I like paper crafts and for DS's wedding, I made all the wedding invitations, RSVP cards and the "Thank You" cards. A friend was so impressed with my work that she asked me if I would do the same for her DS's wedding too. I did several design ideas so that the happy couple could choose/modify for the end design. I costed everything up for just the materials; card, ribbons, inserts etc, but not my hours of input, and friend confirmed that she would pay me. The happy couple have been married 4 years now and I've still not been paid. I've refused all requests since.

lemongrove Thu 27-Dec-18 15:59:30

These stories of being taken advantage of can ruin friendships, am surprised at the people for not coughing up and thanking you, or a small gift.
Just because you enjoy a craft hobby doesn’t mean it’s gratis every time.

phoenix Thu 27-Dec-18 16:14:25

I have written speeches in verse for special occasions, and on the back of those, have been approached by people I don't even know to write them!

Given a bit of info with regard to events, occurrences, etc, I can usually come up with something, but have started by responding to requests by saying, "Yes, I'd be glad to, I charge x amount per verse, how many did you have in mind?"

Bit cheeky perhaps, given that there is no cost to me in materials etc, but it does take time and brain power!

Washerwoman Thu 27-Dec-18 18:10:23

OP I had the opposite sort of situation with a friend who is a prolific knitter.I didn't ask her to make anything,but on a very rare visit to her house -she has spent hours at my home but never invites me back,another issue ! -she asked if I would like her to knit a soft toy for my granddaughter.I really hesitated as I knew DD had already been swamped with knitted goods from the other grandma amd hates too much 'stuff'But she said I it would be doing her a favour as she had loads of wool left over from a pattern and she wanted to use it up and had enjoyed making it.
A couple of weeks later we met at a cafe I bought the coffees and she presented the toy and said as it was me I could pay a bit less .I didn't realise I was paying ,and thought it was a gift !I didn't say anything,but must have looked surprised. She then said 'this time ' she wouldn't charge ,and that since I last saw her she had decided to start selling some things online.Had I asked her to make it initially I would absolutely have expected to pay,and would have clarified that and the amount.

NfkDumpling Thu 27-Dec-18 18:51:12

If you offer to do something for a friend you shouldn’t expect payment. But if that friend asks you to make something for them or for third party then yes. Either payment in the case of the third party, or if you’ve said you didn’t want anything as it’s for a friend, then a bottle of wine at the very least.

notanan2 Thu 27-Dec-18 21:58:00

Hang on it's only the 27th!
A thank you token may still be in the pipeline. Bit soon to be miffed IMO

petra Thu 27-Dec-18 22:24:50

I think the the best thing said to me after making a craft project was ^ I won't embarrass you by offering you money^
I was dumb struck, what do you say to that? There's no come back and the crafty bitch ( no pun intended) knew exactly that that would be the reaction.

52bright Thu 27-Dec-18 22:39:02

I think that the person asking you should definitely have expected to be charged Telly. She was asking you to do this as a Christmas gift for her friend. If you had not created this personalized gift she would have had to buy her friend a gift. Very cheeky to use your time and resources for a gift for her friend. Very economical of her!

janeainsworth Thu 27-Dec-18 23:30:51

petra you say ‘Oh, but I’m never embarrassed!’ grin

paddyann Thu 27-Dec-18 23:32:15

I make cakes,I'm not a proffessional cake maker so I only make them for family and close friends .I never ask for payment,not even for the ingredients.Thats my choice.However I was asked to make a traditional 4 tier wedding cake for a neighbours daughter .I was very pleased with it and as far as I'm aware so was she.It was a rich fruit cake fed with brandy religiously for months and coated in marzipan and icing and decorated to a reasonably high standard.I had a lot of compliments on it from guests who had been at her wedding
She never as much as said thanks! I know a cake like that will cost hundreds of pounds and she couldn't even say thanks!!Even worse her mother ,who had askked me to make it told me there was loads of cake left and as they were all on diets they just binned it.I could have cried.I've made sevearl wedding cakes over the years and that has never happened before.I WONT be making their christening cake ...I was asked and said I didn't have the time .

absent Fri 28-Dec-18 03:37:06

Not the same as a craft hobby, but I have been asked, more than once, to provide instructions and training about how I did my job. This was not an in-training scheme within a company, but requests/demands from apparent professionals in the same business who didn't understand the processes and wanted to benefit from my (freelance) expertise. I said no, unless you want formal paid tuition, politely, of course. A similar situation happened to a colleague/friend of mine – a highly professional and experienced graphic designer.

absent Fri 28-Dec-18 03:39:30

paddyan What happened to the tradition of keeping the top tier of the wedding cake for the christening? Of course, the icing has to be removed and redone, but the cake is truly mature and utterly delicious as a general rule. What awful people!

Nanny123 Fri 28-Dec-18 09:58:08

She should have at least offered you something even if it was just to cover the materials that you used

mande Fri 28-Dec-18 10:16:22

Telly, Paddyann, how dreadful. I do a bit of dress making and mending for myself and family. Last year I stabbed myself under my right thumb nail and had a really bad infection as a result. My thumb was very swollen and throbbing. My hand ached and I couldn’t use it for nearly two weeks. In the middle of that my neighbour arrived wearing a dress she wanted to have the hem taken up on. It was for a wedding in a couple of days time. She knew before she arrived that I was disabled but ignored it. I know I should have said I couldn’t do it but I am not confrontational and I was taken aback by her audacity. I soldiered on and managed it with some great pain and discomfort. I vowed to be more forthright in future. Some people are just into themselves.

PECS Fri 28-Dec-18 10:22:52

Some people are natural givers...others takers!

quizqueen Fri 28-Dec-18 10:27:33

If people don't want to be taken advantage of then they just say upfront how much things will cost. So many complain afterwards when they haven't made it clear it wasn't going to be a freebie. There will always be those who expect something for nothing but it doesn't mean we have to oblige them.

jenni123 Fri 28-Dec-18 10:28:30

Many years ago I used to knit, always had knitting needles in my hands when I sat down, then I got a knitting machine which did patterns using special cards. I made fair isle jumpers for all my family and many jumpers, tank tops with pictures for my young son, like teddy with umbrella, welly boots and a frog etc. My son, aged about 3 had little girl who used to go to play group with him and her Mum commented many times on the things I was making, so I made her daughter a jumper with crinoline lady, which she loved. materials were not expensive, it was more the time, especially the sewing up, which I hated doing. some time later she asked for a jumper with a specific design, which I made, no payment was ever offered and to be honest I did not ask for anything, but she started to ask so often I started to make excuses . one day she said would I make a jumper with a teddy bear holding a balloon and wanted specific colours, one of which I didn't have in my wool store, I said yes I would make it but I wanted payment for the wool. She said yes fine. I made the jumper she wanted, sent her a message to say it was ready and she sent her 8yr old son to collect, I asked him if he had any money to give me he said no he didn't have anything, I asked him to wait for a moment and wrote a note to say 'hope you like the jumper, cost of making including wool etc was £ xxx. Never received payment and she avoided me at school gates etc made me sad as I lost someone I thought was a friend.

mande Fri 28-Dec-18 10:36:42

As PECS said - some are givers, others takers!