Ruined New Year's dinner

If anyone asks me if they can bring anything, I always say ‘just bring your lovely faces ‘ I find that usually works

Always disappointing when best laid plans and effort are disrupted. She wanted to contribute to the evening as any thoughtful guest would. Next time ask her to bring the champagne and after dinner chocolates. Do not let it spoil a friendship.

Reminds me of the last NY party we ever had, years ago now, when half the guests did not turn up, two were ill and two just did not show, and one had not replied either way. Never again. Loads of food left over.

Hate pretzels

Let it go.

Oh dear, but my thrifty mind would not have allowed me to toss anything, into a plastic whatever, Bakkie, bag, clingfilm whatever, and into the freezer it goes.
They do say certain things don’t freeze well, but I always try. Just me.

I can sympathise, spent hours preparing and cooking the turkey and everyone was full by the time we got to that course. Daughters’ mother in law brought so many starters that everyone was too full. It’s daft but it really niggled me for a few days after. We did manage to eat/ freeze it after though in various ways.

Pretzels! The peasants!

On a serious note, I would let it go. You've been friends a long time and liked them enough to want to spend N.Y. with them. In future, I would just point out you're cooking 'x' and say 'bring a bottle' if they really want to contribute. And tell them to come an hour earlier than you actually want them there

You went to a lot of effort (menu sounded fab) so I feel your frustration but maybe some crossed wires about what was planned, what should be brought and what could be consumed. Some people are so lonely over the festive season. At least you have friends willing to see the N.Y. in with you. Let it go, let it go..... Sorry, listened to a lot of 'Frozen' over Christmas!

willa your dinner sounded lovely.
I totally sympathise. I never serve nibbles and I never eat them either!
I make everyone wait and work up an appetite.
As for arriving an hour late...... words fail me.
But bringing food when you go to someone’s house is a bit of a thing in America isn’t it? I’ve noticed it when we have been there. I wondered whether it was a custom dating back to pioneer days when food was scarce so everyone contributed.

I think the friend was expecting a more casual affair, possibly?

I think you just needed a rant Willa and you won’t let it spoil the friendship. It sounds such a delicious meal, well done you! Invite them back soon, let them bring the pudding and then forget the whole thing.
I was a bit put out by DD’s friend who arrived empty handed, wasn’t impressed with our choice of drinks so had a cup of tea with his meal (!) and asked where I’d bought my signature dish (I think he was trying to be funny). It’s helped me to get this off my chest and I hope your rant has helped you too!

*Overthehills' was your DD's friend a previous contestant on 'Come Dine with me' That made me laugh!

But bringing food when you go to someone’s house is a bit of a thing in America isn’t it?
It's the same in Australia, no-one goes out to friends for a meal empty-handed. Even going for 'morning tea' involves taking something homemade in the biscuit or cake line.

We just tend to take a bottle of wine and flowers or chocs in the UK, unless it's a 'bring-a-dish' type of meal.

I'd be annoyed too but, if she's a good friend in other respects, I'd say nothing. If you invite her next year, be firm from the start about what's happening with the meal.

Oh dear willa I can understand how you feel. You cooked an amazing meal and your friends spoiled it. My husband is a chef and would have gone totally bananas at them being late quite apart from everything else. I really don't know why they ignored your request, a bit odd.
All that said it would be a shame to lose a long standing friendship over the incident. If you ever invite them again do as other posters suggest and ask them to bring the wine.
If you want to invite me to a meal like that I promise to be on time and bring the bubbly

An hour late? No phone call? They wouldn't get asked here again.

Maybe you could just put it behind you? When I was in hospital last August, there were older people in there with no family and no friends. I found it very upsetting. We need all the friends we can get!!!

willa45 all I can say is: can we come to yours next NYE? We promise not to eat any pretzels!!! ?

It's the being over an hour late that would annoy me and was the main reason that the evening went pear shaped.
After saying this, I wouldn't let it ruin a friendship so perhaps give your friend a call, just to say how much you enjoyed their company on NYE.
Then let it go!

I'm not sure how much of a friendship it is, or why you want to continue it?

You told her all food was organised, she wanted to bring a ham (ie impose her own menu)

You told her not to bring food - you could not stop her.

They knew you were cooking and didn't phone to let you know they would be late and why

You didn't feel able to phone them and say "where are you, we're eating at ...? It won't keep we'll have to start on time"

You didn't feel able to take their gift, say thank you and serve your menu, you let them pig out on shop bought snacks while you slaved in the kitchen

Your guests didn't feel obliged to eat the food you cooked for them

I could feel the tension through the computer - your friends may be rude, thoughtless and inconsiderate (just going on your account) but they definitely noticed. The fact that they did nothing about it is a further black mark in my opinion.

I think I will give this saying to my Daughter and her family, who are NEVER on time, on Christmas Day they wrote a text saying " late as usual" they were leaving home then, eighteen miles later and they were half an hour late, bringing some of the dinner with them, so everyone had to wait, not acceptable.I have talked to her many times but she just blames it on her two teenage girls that they delay them,I dont think so!

I think perhaps your friends just felt they should contribute. It was unfortunate, and rather rude, that they were so late.

In my view, though, you went to far too much trouble and it would have been less upsetting for your and more relaxing if you'd done something simpler - perhaps a buffet that people could pick at and where it isn't so essential that they be there exactly on time.

What I remember most about an evening is the people I have met and the fun I have had - not the food (although if the food was ghastly I suppose I would remember that).

I wanted to add that she did text me when they were leaving. About an hour later, 6:35 to be exact, I got another text saying "Were on the road". I recall feeling a bit uneasy after that. Why would I need reassurance unless......?

I didn't know that they had been buying wine at the local liquor store followed by another excursion to the food store to shop for pretzels. When she texted 'we're on the road', they hadn't even started out because they were still only a few blocks away from their own house!!

So just to bring you up to date:

Earlier today, we exchanged a few texts about the "InstaPot" I recommended which she ordered on Amazon and received this afternoon....She was really happy with it...so yes, our friendship remains the same and all is forgiven. To be fair, she's a bit absent minded and I was over tired. I also suspect she may have a touch of ADD or something akin to that...but nobody's perfect I guess, so we take the good with the bad, and call it a day.

Having said that, I wanted to thank all of you for your thoughtful replies, your commiseration and your patience. What I needed the most was a virtual hug and I feel I got much more .........so, thank you all once again!

Oh, I do like a happy ending.

I live abroad. The custom here when invited to dinner is to say "Shall I bring a dessert or would you prefer starters?" It is also the custom to arrive on time !