to not discuss psychology appointments

Your mother could well be trying to find answers through you for her own problem/s ? Hence the reason for her unacceptable and pressing curiosity.

A few points, I don’t know your childhood back story, but if your relationship with mum is a difficult one why have you told her you have sought help? Why does she know when you have these sessions ? (as she rings up afterwards for a blow by blow description) It sounds to me as if you are guilty of drawing your mum into your business then resenting her asking questions
Do not take you Dads advice under any circumstances
Do not tell your mum where or when you go to therapy unless you are prepared for questions
It is only human to be curious and if you drip feed your mum bits of information expect the third degree I do not really understand why you invited her to know your business in the first place.

I can relate to what you say. My mil was truly dreadful for nearly the last thirty years and her legacy is a broken and dysfunctional family. My difficulty relates to my 90 year old Father. He expects me in good form all the time and if l am ever a bit down he does not realise that l am burnt out from elder care and even though he is a good man l don't like at all visiting him in the nursing home and relentless visiting. Take care of yourself. You are not alone.

It sounds as though your mother is frightened.She will be aware of the traumas that occurred during your childhood and is worried you will blame her,as she probably doesn't know you already do.
It might be an idea to say that as parents we can all get things wrong, but we do the best we can at the time, and hindsight is a wonderful thing,and by seeing a therapist, you're trying to do the best you can for yourself,and this will help you parent your child.
Say if it throws up any issues from the past and you need to discuss it you will, but at the moment you're happy to keep it between you and your therapist. If she goes on just repeat until she gets the message and add, it's going ok thanks.
Good luck.

Can't you say something like "Please, I don't want to talk about this Mum. It's too tiring going through it all again."

I think it is very insensitive of your Mum - and intrusive.

Well done muffin for seeking help for your well being and ultimately that of your new baby. Exactly as others have said... this is about YOU and for YOU. I think your mum fears (knows) what is being discussed here and she’s twitchy about it. Understandable. But these sessions are for YOU to get well.
Ask your therapist how best to fob your mum off.
Best wishes. x

You don't have to explain anything!

No is a sentence. When she asks you to tell her about the sessions with the psychologist, reply "No".

Explain that it's heartbreaking enough to go over things once with your therapist, to do it twice is far too traumatic. Tell her that when you're in a better you'll open up, and no, I don't think you're being unreasonable, no one likes being interrogated about something they wish to keep private.

Muffin -
Keep your own sessions to yourself, and suggest to your Mum that if she's upset about it she has her own therapist. At the same company.
How does she know that you're having this therapy anyway?

Ah! I hope you're happy and settled in your new home Catterygirl

A house move to another country, thereby losing my teacher.

@Survivor

And emotional abuse, which is just as damaging.

I agree with MissAdventure. The instructions come from the professional and lying about your MIL or anyone will not help you heal. However, beware the No Contact scenario popular since 2014 as the effects have proven destructive unless physical or sexual abuse is present. Your therapist should guide you in how to discover your feelings, if they tell you what you think and how you feel, find another therapist. This is about you and your self discovery. Stay compassionate.

My last post was to Catterygirl

A sincere question.
If you were so strong mentally, how were you so easily manipulated into giving up your course?

Like many others suggest I would just say to mother that therapist has told you not to discuss what you talk about in her sessions with anybody else. I would also add, as a precaution, that it might be as well to say the same thing to MIL just in case your mother tries to cause trouble as you . suspect she might.

Saggi

'^she would NEVER divulge anything a client had told her, (not even a Christian name) and she knows she can trust me^'

Does that mean your daughter discloses/discusses client information with you?
What has trusting you got to do with it?

Simples.....say, I found the treatment boring and stupid so won't be going any more. Quietly continue the treatment on a different day arranged with your therapist. I studied psychotherapy. Unfortunately had to cut short my training due to manipulation by family who weren't happy I was so strong mentally. Wish you well.

muffinthemoo - your sessions are totally private from your psychologist's viewpoint (she will not divulge anything) but what you discuss with your mother or any other third person is up to you. However, you should be aware that if you do let your mother into your therapist's relationship with you, it will colour the outcome. Your therapist is obviously using a psychodynamic approach with you because you must already have indicated your abusive childhood. For you to be able to process that you have to be in the safety of your relationship with your therapist - you can't let the perpetrator of that abusive treatment into that safe haven - am I making sense to you? For your therapy to have any prospect of working you need time to process the experience of being with the therapist so if possible, avoid your mother and her phone calls for a few days after each session to give you that space. And if she really pesters you tell her that you have been working through some issues that your therapist has expressly asked you to do yourself in an isolated introspective way. Moreover you should tell her that you are focusing on developing a solid relationship with your baby and this depends upon the success of your therapy. Then if you can, just so she doesn't feel they are to do with her and are placing her in a negative light, ask her if she fancies coffee or suggest something else that gives the impression she has nothing to worry about as a result of your therapy. This is a really difficult situation and you're not the only person who goes for therapy and then finds a demanding relative on the other side of the session wanting to know what you've done. It is of course an indication of a controlling personality and this may be the root of all your problems, that she has tried to control you during your life and you resent this. professional aspect is concerned it is your decision. Good luck with your baby

It is perhaps a bit child like but in order to protect yourself ask the psychologist to contact your mother and explain very clearly therapy is a one to one personal process.

End of. Its not about your narcissistic mother.

My daughter is a therapeutic counsellor and I’m wondering if you all know that because of the ‘stuff’ that is unloaded upon them ....they themselves have to go to regular therapeutic sessions. It is extremely regulated. She would NEVER divulge anything a client had told her ( not even a Christian name) and she knows she can trust me. The client is usually told NOT to discuss their therapy with anyone....and this is the answer to give your mother. You would think that a mum would take the hint , but if she can’t she needs telling to back off. She’s just worried that she is having blame heaped on her at these sessions.... guilt might be the driving force here!

Oh, and please do not make up anything about your MIL to appease your mum. What a tangled web that would become and not at all fair to your MIL. Your mum is an adult and will just have to deal with not knowing what is being said, regardless of how uncomfortable it makes her feel. Your therapy sessions aren’t about your mum’s feelings, it’s about yours.

Muffin, your mum knows exactly what happened in your childhood. She knows that you are probably speaking about this to your psychologist and needs to know what you are saying so that she can justify, makes excuses and minimise your experience rather than take any responsibility for what happened. I think there is probably a bit more to it than your mum simply making “mistakes” as a mother. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes but there are some mothers whose behaviour towards their children is unacceptable and this absolutely does cause emotional damage to children which manifests itself when those children become adults and/or experience something similar to you - traumatic birth. I think it is quite telling that your mum is reacting this way. She is not interested in your recovery, only how she looks. I think you need to be courageous here and let her know that this is something that you do not wish to discuss with her and that she needs to stop asking you about it. We are all entitled to our inner thoughts and feelings and to “keep secrets” from anyone we wish. Your mother should not be asking this of you but I do believe she only wants to know so that she can cover herself. I would let your therapist know and they will be able to guide you on the best way forward.

You don't have to tell anyone anything, indeed it could totally harm your treatment if you then get other people's inputs to deal with as well, or even skew your thoughts about events, or influence your thoughts, or they could try and make you feel guilty etc etc etc. It is your treatment, you are very brave to go through it all (I know, I've been there) and you don't owe anyone an explanation either. Continue to be strong, speak only to your psychiatrist, and tell anyone else to butt out because your therapist has told you so. Don't make up stories to tell anyone, just tell them nicely you don't wish to talk about it. If they don't like it then that is their issue and not yours. I'm sorry if I come across as being harsh but I do know what it's like and other people's "help" or interference is a negative influence on what your'e doing for yourself. Congratulations on everything you are doing, and I am sending you total encouragement along your journey. The end results will be so worth it. Just be yourself and celebrate it.

Muffin,

As others have pointed out.....this is an issue of Personal Privacy that you don't have to discuss with anyone! That includes your mother, MIL anyone else.... (whether or not they've had a role to play) and even if they don't like it.

....but why should you have to lie? Your mother needs to realize that just because she had you and raised you, you are not her 'property' 'nor does she have the right to dictate to you or decide for you. Figure out a way to make her understand how and why she's now overstepping your (adult) boundaries and disrespecting your right to privacy.

As unpleasant as the prospect may seem, you may have to confront her. When you do, you can remind her that going forward, you can both get along very nicely if she stops badgering you with personal questions.

Life isn't easy and mother/daughters often have difficult relationships. Just remember that being angry with someone doesn't mean you don't love them. Steer mum in the right direction with patience and love but without giving in. I wish you both the best.