Baby sitting

Asking a lecturer at a local college if there are any students (particularly those doing a childcare course) who might be willing to sit would be a good idea. I wouldn't advertise in any overt way, though, FB or flyers etc.

I looked after children when I was a student - it was preferable to working in a pub or shop which some of my other friends did and enjoyable too.

So sorry to hear of your dilemma. I agree it is unsettling for your GS to be alone after all he’s been through. I hope you can find somebody trustworthy to help out in these situations but please be careful of what information you put in the public domain and who you place trust in. I think the idea of speaking to someone from a local college or university to see if you can offer a student some valuable caring experience is very good. Having worked in a college myself I can say that it is often difficult for tutors to find sources of work experience for their students. It is certainly worth a try. I wish you both all the very best and hope you achieve peace of mind in the near future.

Op

Completely off the point, but are you sure you’re getting the benefits you are entitled to as a guardian?

Is there a local church yiu could talk to? The Vicar would know all the teenagers attending church/ youth groups and may know someone who would like to earn a little money or there could be an older person who might be interested. Worth a try I know our church is very approachable

I know people who contact their children who are home alone by Facebook. I think you can do it on messenger. I know I have helped my 13 year old grandson with homework, cooking his dinner, played games with him and generally keeping him company. It is like he is in the same room but we just happen to be 1000 miles away.

Babysitters are good but often charge as much as the op is earning for a much easier job.

Sounds like she is loosing her marbles, I would feel left down and wouldn't ask her again.
You can't go to work and childsit at the same time. we need to learn to say no.

Dont ask again.

I'm sorry you're in this frustrating situation MissA. Thank goodness your DGS has someone like you by his side.

I wondered if there is Homestart in your area - they may be able to offer more information.

www.home-start.org.uk

I'm not sure how old you are - no need to say! - but if you end up not being able to work you can still gain NI contributions towards your state pension when caring for your grandchildren.

Oh I feel for you, what a terribly sad time you have been living through. I do hope you will find some solutions to your problems, and please accept my heartfelt condolences on the loss of your daughter.

Are you now fully responsible for grandsons welfare.?
He has lost his mother so social services should be made aware of your circumstances.
I would not rely on this person who appears to be unconcerned about what time your grandson gets a meal.

Firstly MissA, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My heart goes out to you. Feeling overwhelmed and low is very understandable and it's still early days. Add childcare and money worries to that and it’s not surprising you feel torn and are struggling.

Your neighbour isn’t really at fault and nor are you. It seems she has a lot of family worries herself combined with the onset of dementia. So leaving your DGS with her isn’t a good idea even if you could get through to her that you meant for her to sit with him all evening.

I don’t know your circumstances to know why his brother lives with his father so they’ve been separated but can only guess your daughter was married twice. So your DGS is not his and your DGS’s father isn’t on the scene. Also it seems you have no other family members to help you, like a sister/brother/cousin.

So please excuse my ‘assumptions’ but I am guessing you would’ve turned to family if you could.

Someone made a very good point in this thread asking if you have explored all options regarding benefits you may be entitled to.

Now if I were in your shoes I would definitely consider finding other work. As someone said above, paying for childcare, especially evening childcare, would cancel out your pay and I think it would be risky to get an unknown teenager or other volunteer to sit with him as you have no idea of their background.

I think your DGS needs you. He has lost his mother and his brother at a tender age and he needs stability and someone he trusts to be with him. Believe me I know this. I lost my mother when I was 8 years old, then within a year, both of my sisters left home as they didn’t get on with my father. He decided he couldn’t cope so he sent me to live with an elderly aunt who didn’t understand children. I won't say more as this isn’t about me and I’m only bringing it up because it really did mess with my head that I lost my entire family at 8 years old within 1 year. If just one person had remained I think I would’ve been alright.

Your DGS lives with you is secure and loved but it would be better to have you with him for meals, homework and watching tv together. A real family home.

This is in no way a criticism of you at all. I think you’ve already realised a change of job is what’s needed by your comment re ‘dinner lady’ position. Is there anyway you could become a classroom assistant? Perhaps you could get some advice. The Home Start site someone mentioned above could be a good place to start for advice. Maybe temp work that doesn’t involve shifts? Easy to say but not easy to find I imagine.

I really hope you can get something sorted out where you can spend the evenings/weekends/holidays with your DGS but still cope financially. There are various groups for single parents that could be a good place to start for not only advice but support too. People who understand. I wish you every bit of luck possible to sort this out and feel better.

Are there any local nurseries? Some of the workers there may be glad of extra money and they have training in child care, albeit younger children.

Coming late to this thread and nothing new to add but Oh, MissA, I would not only have felt like crying but done so. Hope you can keep going with the equally important work that you do. I can't imagine the misery of having a childcare crisis like this just when you felt ready to extend a bit and take on new shifts.

How lucky your grandson is to have a gran like you.

So , so sorry about the loss of your daughter. And how sad for your little grandson. I want to come over and give you both a big hug.
As someone mentioned there's no legal age for being left alone. But I would worry about leaving a 10 year old on his own. I don't leave my 15 year old teenage granddaughter on her own, for more than 1/2 hour.
Your neighbour seems so self centred especially when you are going through so much. Glad you've ended that friendship. Hope you can sort things out . Big hug coming your way xx

I can understand how you feel, but 11 is far to young to be left on his own. It does seem as though you've made any firm plans with this neighbour so perhaps she doesn't know what was expected of her.

Hi, have you thought of looking at child minders or advertising for 'babysitter'?
You are right your grandson has been through a lot in his small life, I hope you get settled xx

Sounds tricky - did she remember she was ‘minding’ him and thought her actions were ok or did she forget about him?

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. Your grandson is lucky to have you and you can both do this with a little more planning.
First let me start by saying that at age 11, your grandson is old enough to be left alone provided his surroundings are safe. If you prepare a meal ahead of time, all he has to do is reheat (microwave?). Are you able to check on him from time to time by phone? Does he have homework to do and does he have a list of chores? How far away is his dad? As long as he has a mobile with emergency numbers he can speed dial (i.e. you, dad, your crazy neighbor, police, fire dept. and ambulance) he should be fine. Don't under estimate your grandson....give him some free time to watch TV or read a book, but make sure he has responsibilities so that he occupies his time productively.

Our own grandson is eleven. He gets off the school bus (with his younger sister) at about 3:20 PM. Together they walk about a half a block (along with other students, parents etc.). He lets himself in with the house key, prepares a snack for himself and his little sister and they're allowed to watch TV for an hour. They also have to do their homework until my daughter comes home at around 5:30 - 6:00 PM. They've had this arrangement since the current the school year began and so far it's working well.

Im wondering why she didnt take him up to her flat to sit in with her?yes he would have been up late- but he was awake anyhow,and maybe it would have been easier for her& she might have made the both of them more than a burger?Actually im surprised you didnt arrange that with her in the first place-it makes more sense if shes a bit eccentric& may 'forget' or whatever.But yes its what they did in her day probably-just 'listen out' for a child in another flat or next door! Also if she herself needs all the help you give her then no id say she shouldnt look after your grandson- maybe a burger or ready meal is all she can prepare at all if she is how you describe.(in fact you could probably have been able to apply for a carers allowance from DWP for doing all that for you supporting her?)what about GS dad?is he willing to help when youve got to work?(im sorry im presuming there thats its same dad as his brother?)or his brother- is he older and could sit him maybe?i guess you could ask at local college if theres any sensible young lady on the childcare courses who'd like to earn a bit of cash- but i wouldnt just put an ad up or some such it might not be safe? you could get allsorts applying just for the money these daysAnd yes you can ask at social services but theyre very stretched on carers front and might just 'breath down your neck' for years without really helping you-can work just give you day shifts for now at all?Has your GS got friends already whom he could sleepover with occasionally?or any other relatives who can help?Or his dad giving financial support at all so you can just work 9-3?Im so sorry for you all for the loss of your daughter- i hope ive not offended you in any way and have made some helpful suggestions.good luck

Hope you soon find a more suitable sitter for your grandson. You both need as calm and routine a life as possible after going through so much.

Should you find that you do ever need to call on your neighbour to help in an emergency this might help you. Give her a card with a clear short list of what she needs to remember. Put the same information up in your flat, perhaps inside the door. It almost sounds as if she thought all she had to do was give your grandson something to eat and be available if needed - in her own flat!

It's hard to give advice, knowing so little of your circumstances, but do you have a spare room?

Because, if you could afford it, you could get an au pair, and if not, a lodger, maybe offering them a discount if they can stay in with your GS.

Yes very good suggestions too of asking at church and homestart- at least you may get sensible people to help who can be trusted- also you could make good friends for you both.And often these have kids clubs etc.so GS can make new friends there too.Does your GS get to keep in touch with his brother at all- it must be awful for him right now as hes lost his mum and brother as well from his life.is his brother close enough to come sleepover or visit sometimes?(even if hes younger it means not losing him too)It must be difficult for you too as your other GS is suddenly not there either.I wish i were near enough to help you myself

I would be very careful of what you advertise- particularly the facebook side of things- you need someone reliable trustworthy caring- so as said earlier churchgroup or homestart is probably best starting point.(or college/university childcare students.)As for your neighbour- if shes got "family crisis" then she must surely have family who can do the form filling/dr/ hosp appts etc with her?are you sure they arent already claiming a carers allowance for 'doing' all that for her while in reality she turns to you for help?Bit cynical to assume this i know but it may be worth asking her outright if you can apply for a carers allowance for doing all that for her?(theres a form or look online at DWP website)apply in your own right to get this it £62 a week- if your doing all those things for her im sure your entitled.Yes i would ask at welfare benefits advice office if theres any help you can get financially(child tax credit?)you can get it if you work certain hours,or if on benefits only too.maybe you wouldnt need to do so many hours at work then?& could stick to school hours?

I'm so sorry! It makes me tear up, too!