Gransnet forums

.... to wonder what the hell is happening

(97 Posts)
Flaxseed Fri 18-Jan-19 21:46:30

Warning - long
I wrote a thread on here last week, which seems totally irrelevant now - but ended with me saying my DD needed me.
So here goes......
DD1 is vibrant, clever, successful but has always, I suppose, been a bit of a stresshead.
Last year she planned an amazing wedding and landed herself a stressful, well paid job in the city.
Late last year she admitted she had had counselling as she was struggling with stress. She started mediatation classes, started Mindfullness classes, downloaded apps etc etc.
The decline in mental health has been gradual and we have all missed the signs sad
Last Friday, I got a couple of messages from her which should have raised alarm bells but I just put it down to work stress.
Late that night (whilst I was on a night shift) I got a call from SonIL to say DD was acting very out of character and he was very worried.
To cut a long story short - my beautiful DD disappeared that night. She was replaced with a shadow of her former self. A vulnerable, fragile, shell of a woman.
Luckily, through work she has private health cover and we were able to get her an appt via her GP to a psychiatrist after 4 days. He diagnosed her as suffering from ‘mania’ and wanted to admit her straight away.
To be separated from her DH would have finished her off, so together we have looked after her in their home.
She was put on anti psychotic meds immediately. Mon-weds were horrendous. I am numb. I haven’t cried because I just can’t. My body is in shock.
On Tuesday night we were on the verge of a 999 call but we knew she’d be sectioned so we battled on.
Yesterday there was a slight improvement (after psych advice to up meds)
Today was 2nd psych appt where he saw slight improvement. He has upped the meds again and offered her a bed should she want it or if we can’t cope with her.
We DO NOT want her to go in if we can avoid it.

I feel like I am in a living nightmare. We are a normal, hardworking, loving family. This happens to other people - not us!

Over this last (horrendous) week the major trigger for her has been anything to do with work and a certain person she worked with. This awful woman she worked with has completely messed with her brain and has robbed me of my daughter.

How will we ever recover from this? I have dealt with some s**t in my life but this is by far the worse thing ever. DD tried so hard to cope but she’s broken sad

annsixty Fri 18-Jan-19 21:54:00

My heartfelt sympathy goes to you all.
I have not had to cope with anything as drastic as you have but I do have a S with MH problems and I have a very tiny inkling of what you are going through.
His marriage broke up, he was made redundant because he couldn't do his job and he hasn't worked for a long time.
Please look after yourself as well as her, you need your strength and sanity to cope with.It all.
I pray that you will see some improvement in the coming days and weeks.

Flaxseed Fri 18-Jan-19 22:08:28

annsixty
Sorry your DS suffers too sad
I never want to see either of my DD’s poorly (obviously!) but give me a broken limb any day!

I never, in a million years thought i’d be writing a thread like this.
I am actually petrified. It’s utter shit

Flaxseed Fri 18-Jan-19 22:08:52

I have support but everyone feels as useless as me

Izabella Fri 18-Jan-19 22:15:04

Flaxseed I am so sorry for you. May I suggest you contact one of the mental health support lines for families such as yourselves? This may prove bigger than all of you and I feel you need help from others who really understand your situation.

I totally understand you wanting to keep her safe and 'out of the system' and she is so lucky to be safe and cherished by you as a family. My concern is that she cannot be assessed as well by remaining at home perhaps? Has a bipolar disorder been excluded (for example) or does she need further assessment?

I am sure there will be more posters along soon.

Flaxseed Fri 18-Jan-19 22:26:40

Izabella
I read somewhere that MIND were pretty useless when a relative needed support.
Myself and DD’s DH are supporting each other so much. I have DD2, extended family, friends, DP, DD’s friends - everyone offering different forms of support but haven’t wanted to leave DD’s side yet.

No diagnosis of bipolar as yet. Just a manic episode.
I think (may be wrong) that psychiatrist thinks it’s a one off due to extreme stress. There no history of any depression.
He told her she’d get better.

I’m too impatient. I want her back so badly

megan123 Fri 18-Jan-19 22:26:41

I am so sorry Flaxseed to hear what you are going through.

We all want to protect our children and keep them close, I fully understand that, and I know how I felt. The medication takes time to take effect, it is not immediate, and takes time to build up in the system. Eventually I had to let them admit my daughter, and despite the heartbreak I felt, it was the best thing for her. They can observe 24 hours a day and my girl started to improve in time.

There is no easy fix with this situation, it is heartbreaking to watch and time is what is needed.

I send you hugs, and hope for a better future for you all.

Flaxseed Fri 18-Jan-19 22:29:20

megan
I can’t let that happen whilst we are coping. And we are - just about.
What happened to your DD? (if you don’t mind sharing)

Anniebach Fri 18-Jan-19 22:30:14

I am so very sorry but I assure you it does happen to hardworking, normal, loving families.

May I ask why you are so against your daughter going into
Hospital, she will be monitered all day and night by qualified staff. You need to have a diagnosis.

I send you hugs x

Flaxseed Fri 18-Jan-19 22:30:35

megan
The reviews of the hospital frighten me
Why is mental health care (nhs or private) so poor sad

Flaxseed Fri 18-Jan-19 22:38:43

Anniebach
We have a diagnosis - he diagnosed her with ‘mania’ within 40 mins. When I read the symptoms online I was flabbergasted! It described her perfectly.

He wanted to take her in on Tuesday but she pleaded with him and we agreed to take her home.
He said (on Tuesday) that if she was as bad today, he would section her.

But he saw an improvement and only offered a bed should she want it, or if we couldn’t cope. He saw no reason to persuade her to go in voluntary nor to section her.

She HAS improved and we can cope with her
But I am impatient and just want her back.

He said she is not up for any therapies even as an outpatient yet as the meds need to clear the ‘fog’ so i’d rather the fog clear here than in a room all alone

nanaK54 Fri 18-Jan-19 22:38:44

I wish that I had some wise words to share, I can only send you kind thoughts

KatyK Fri 18-Jan-19 22:38:51

Oh Flaxseed so sorry. How life can change in the blink of an eye. Sending good wishes.

Flaxseed Fri 18-Jan-19 22:43:00

Thanks everyone. It’s good to offload.
Family and friends are fab but I sometimes feel I should sugarcoat it.

But in reality - I am living a nightmare

Anniebach Fri 18-Jan-19 22:44:28

flaxseed, it will take time and patience, take it Day by day , your daughter is still there , think of this separately, your daughter and the illness x

Izabella Fri 18-Jan-19 22:45:08

www.centreformentalhealth.org.uk/

Flaxseed Fri 18-Jan-19 22:47:11

anniebach
You are right - she is still here. I see glimmers of her as she tries to shine through this awful fog.
She is such a fighter.
I love her. I am so proud of her. She hates this as much as we do.

Anniebach Fri 18-Jan-19 22:50:12

Yes she is still with you, still your lovely daughter , she will shine through x

mumofmadboys Fri 18-Jan-19 22:55:58

After an episode of hypomania an episode of depression is common so you need to be prepared for this. It is likely to take a few months for your DD to get well so you will all need to be patient. I hope things continue to improve.

phoenix Fri 18-Jan-19 22:56:04

Nothing constructive to say, as no experience, but sending love and every good wish to you all.

Flaxseed Fri 18-Jan-19 22:56:09

Thanks for the link Izabella
I’m afraid I have little faith in government plans for the NHS. I’ve worked in it for 35 years wink

Flaxseed Fri 18-Jan-19 22:58:33

mumofmadboys
I am sort of prepared for a long recovery.

Izabella Fri 18-Jan-19 23:00:14

There is a lot of stigma associated with mental illness unfortunately. Not having an identifiable thing such as a broken leg for example and the mysteries of the human brain complicates things and can make compassion and understanding go into short supply. . You may well find that due to confidentiality you are excluded from decision making at some point - I sincerely hope that does not happen, but say this to perhaps prepare you. I have a friend with a young adult daughter who has such episodes so I do have some insight. Bless you all. flowers

M0nica Fri 18-Jan-19 23:03:40

Flaxseed I am so sorry and can imagine the shock and the pain and the desire to wind back the clock to the happy times.

This Christmas we had a whey faced and exhausted son with us who posted a very dark message on Face Book on new years day. As you told your story I felt cold fingers grasping my heart.

megan123 Fri 18-Jan-19 23:06:58

Flaxseed It is heartbreaking I know and all I can say is that for us eventually our daughter "came back" to us as she used to be. She still finds stressful situation difficult but was taught coping strategies when in hospital but she is "level" now.

It took a long time but you have to tell yourself you are doing things for the best, it is all you can do.

Your daughter, like mine, has a loving mum and family and you are doing all you can. You must look after yourself also.