Gransnet forums

AIBU

Dummy Blind

(107 Posts)
lincolnimp Sat 09-Feb-19 17:21:07

Perhaps I am being unreasonable but I cannot understand why parents take, and share, photos of their children with a dummy stuck in their mouth.
Not only young babies either, some much older toddlers and pre schoolers
Even 'celebrities' don't seem to mind if their children are seen out in public, and therefore photographed with these appalling things stuck in their mouths.
I am not totally anti dummy , there are some young babies who need them to help with dropping off to sleep, or if there are long term illnesses, but so many parents seem to be Dummy Blind

MissAdventure Sun 10-Feb-19 23:22:09

I was a bit like that with my daughter and the smelly vest.
The fuss she made when it was even being washed had me convinced the sky would fall in if she didn't have it.
Then one day, a friend asked to look at it, and when she gave it to him, pretended to eat it!
She cried a little bit for a day, but really believed it was in his tummy and she couldn't have it.

NannyC1 Sun 10-Feb-19 23:25:36

My GD has a dummy and her Mum does take photos of her when she is using it. My answer is her baby her business.

Magrithea Mon 11-Feb-19 10:04:08

totally agree lincolnimp!! My niece's baby girl is almost always pictured on (the dreaded) Facebook posts with one in her mouth, so much so that I'm not sure what she really looks like (I've only seen her when a new baby as we don't live near them). And don't get me started on the posting of children's photos on social media!!! On another thread there's the discussion about a man suing his parents for having him, soon the courts will be awash with grown up children suing their parents for Facebook/Instagram photos posted without their consent!

What goes on Facebook stays on Facebook!!!

Margs Mon 11-Feb-19 10:41:23

And so many parents trundle buggies along the pavements with a child who is clearly too old and too big to need one!

Maybe the child has a mobility difficulty - but surely not ALL of the hordes that I've clocked?

icanhandthemback Mon 11-Feb-19 11:03:35

And so many parents trundle buggies along the pavements with a child who is clearly too old and too big to need one!

Maybe they need to move quicker than a child can walk? Many mothers are working these days and don't have the luxury of dawdling along with a child. Who determines when a child is too old for a buggy?

Witzend Mon 11-Feb-19 11:38:56

I was very anti dummies - until no. 2 baby had classic 3 months colic, screaming from 6 till 10 every night.
A dummy seemed to give her some comfort, so I was only too glad of it.

My elder sucked her thumb almost from day one, and carried on with it for years after her sister had ditched the dummy. She was still sucking it after she passed her driving test!

You can take away a dummy - you can't take away a thumb. You don't see children going to school with dummies in their mouths - thumbs are another matter.

My thumb-sucking one's teeth were slightly affected - the dummy-sucker's teeth were always perfect.

PECS Mon 11-Feb-19 13:23:18

I sucked my thumb until I was 9 or 10 and my teeth were unaffected. Both DDs had soothers to suck to help them sleep. DD1 naturally weaned herself of her soother at about 18 months. DD2 was more reliant on hers. She was aged 30 months when we had a big ceremony when she left it for the new baby due soon (neighbour was pregnant) when we went on holiday. She promptly stuck her thumb in and did not stop sucking it until about secondary school age. Neither daughter had buck teeth!

Some children/parents are over reliant on soothers and this can impede speech and probably damage teeth too. I was not ashamed that my DDs had a soother. It calmed them and helped them to sleep. There is a huge snobbery around child rearing!

Gaggi3 Mon 11-Feb-19 13:38:33

I was doing a supply teaching job once, and was astonished when a young teacher came in at break and sucked her thumb whilst twiddling a strand of hair. The dummy habit is a bit easier to cure perhaps.

lincolnimp Mon 11-Feb-19 13:45:49

Do you know what, I wish I had never posted.

My original post has been totally hijacked by pro dummy users, with some very strong and occasionally verging on unpleasant comments.

I have never said that dummies are wrong. I even said in the original post that they are useful.

My point was nothing to do with the use of dummies, but somehow individuals like to jump on a bandwagon and hijack a thread

Perhaps I won't bother to comment again. After all, I am a new comer and obviously I have misjudged the trivia/observations/thoughts that are acceptable from newcomers, but seem to be fine from others.

mcem Mon 11-Feb-19 14:45:26

But lincolnimp don't you agree that in real life, conversations can go off at various tangents and that's also what happens on an informal forum like GN.
It's a pity you're miffed that your op has been "hijacked" but I think you'll come to realise that starting a thread doesn't actually give you ownership.
Stick around and you may come to enjoy the meanders that you'll find on GN.

wellwalked Mon 11-Feb-19 18:14:24

Does having a dummy as a child correlate to smoking as an adult? Perhaps thumb sucking as well, but as a (ex) smoker, I never could stand the taste of my thumb and have no idea if I was given a dummy.

Lemmony99 Mon 11-Feb-19 18:42:39

I think whether a child has a dummy or not is a personal thing between mum and baby ,as every child and situation is different .I don't find them offensive in any way BUT I do hate to see tiny babies with pierced ears .That's a mum putting her personal choice on her child for no good reason .

BradfordLass72 Mon 11-Feb-19 19:19:49

I sucked my thumb right up to school age and I certainly didn't have distorted teeth - and I still don't. No dentures either.

PECS Mon 11-Feb-19 19:39:44

lincolnimp sorry you feel people have hijacked the thread.. unfortunately there is no way anyone can control the thinking of other posters! Don't post anything, even marginally controversial, and expect just to get support for you point of view!
Conversations in RL meander and one person does not control it.

In answer to your OP I think some parents are not bothered by the use of soothers so taking a picture of a child with one does not register as a negative thing with them. As my kiddies only had a soother when going to sleep they never featured in the (relatively) few photos we have of our DDs.

M0nica Mon 11-Feb-19 19:49:37

I sucked my thumb into adolscence and I had major orthodontic work on my teeth.

In fact the orthodontic work had absolutely nothing to do with my thumb sucking. It was the result of my jaw being small and unable to fit all my teeth in without them being badly misaligned. I had several teeth removed before wearing braces to get the remaining teeth properly aligned within the available space.

DS, an occasional thumb sucker had the same shape jaw as myself so had teeth out and wore braces like me. DD who sucked her fingers at night well into adolescence and has a different shaped jaw, has beautifully neat well spaced teeth without any treatment at all.

Bibbity Mon 11-Feb-19 20:14:54

If you want your thread to stay on a certain path then you need to engage with comments and posters more.
If you don’t you leave the discussion to go where it leads.

Also there is an interesting thesis on oral fixation in infants that can correlate to smoking I guess. However there are so many other factors in a person choosing smoking such as familiar patterns etc.

showergelfresh Mon 11-Feb-19 22:34:02

Love posters' comments about not being able to control what others post!
I couldn't agree more.
When you post don't expect others to think the same way as you or even post about the same subject which is also a big, useful, life lesson and really what makes the World go round.
Heaven help us if we were clones/mindless.
Bit like - start to worry if your teenage does NOT rebel! And that poor, poor parent who tells everyone how perfect their teenager is...Watch THAT space carefully!
Come on lincolnimp - think outside your box and be fascinated about the variety of avenues your original triggered.
I appreciate how appalled you are by dummies especially when photographed in children's mouths!

PECS Mon 11-Feb-19 22:55:05

My brother had a soother and he ate his clothes and he was/is (depending on f he's giving up!) a smoker. He chews pencils and pens too! My DDs who also had soothers do not do those things.... not sure how many anecdotes make a scientific study!

LullyDully Tue 12-Feb-19 07:53:32

My son sucked his thumb when he was little, with the aid of a " goygoy" ( a piece of old scarf). Someone told him he would grow up with teeth like Bugs Bunny and he stopped immediately, aged 4. I hasten to add he had no idea who said rabbit was as we lived in Jamaica.

PS he did smoke but that was teenage rebellion and took a while to kick.

Urmstongran Tue 12-Feb-19 09:02:43

Actually lincolnimp I think the fact that your thread has morphed and meandered makes for a more interesting topic! Sorry if you feel hurt that it’s been hijacked.
?

And I’m definitely with you lemonny I don’t like to see babies and toddlers (even infant school children) with pierced ears! Such cuties don’t need jewellery - they look sweeter au naturel.

PernillaVanilla Tue 12-Feb-19 09:39:47

I had one son who did not have a dummy and spat it out in disgust when I tried to see if one would help him settle. My second son loved his dummy and we have some very cute pictures of him with it (one in the bath, covered in bubbles with just his cheeky little face showing) He eventually agreed to part with it in response to a significant bribe. He was the type of child who needed comfort items, he had a blanket and an old Argos catalogue that he carried around with him too. They are now both in their twenties and, so far as I can tell, perfectly normal. It was the oldest who did not have a dummy that needed braces on his teeth. There are more important things to worry about in child rearing than whether your child likes to suck on a bit of plastic.

RosieLeah Tue 12-Feb-19 10:46:48

Dummies are useful for young babies...the other name for them is soothers, which is appropriate. They should not be used for older children...they DO distort the mouth and teeth, as well as being unhygienic and unsightly. It's lazy parenting!

Maggiemaybe Tue 12-Feb-19 11:11:03

Goodness. You described dummies as appalling things, OP, and implied that they could be replaced by lots of cuddles and distractions. You can’t expect everyone to agree with you, or keep quiet if they don’t!

lincolnimp Tue 12-Feb-19 11:30:02

Maggiemaybe , I think that I referred to them as appalling things when in photographs
I did say that there is a place for them for young babies and when babies are unwell.
I also said that I have found that they can be replaced with cuddles and distractions when toddlers have been placed with me who have been used to having a dummy in their mouths all and every day.----for no other reason than it is what their mothers have chosen to do

Bibbity I have made some comments, when I have had time to sit and read the posts.

BTW, I have no idea how to highlight names so that people know when I am replying/referring to them

Witzend Tue 12-Feb-19 11:59:39

BTW, there's a really brilliant children's book about giving up dummies - it's called The Last NooNoo, and features a baby monster whose mum and granny monsters are on at him to give them up. He has several hidden away, and does manage to have the last word - though it's a make-believe strategy that little human monsters won't be able to copy!