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AIBU

Dummy Blind

(106 Posts)
lincolnimp Sat 09-Feb-19 17:21:07

Perhaps I am being unreasonable but I cannot understand why parents take, and share, photos of their children with a dummy stuck in their mouth.
Not only young babies either, some much older toddlers and pre schoolers
Even 'celebrities' don't seem to mind if their children are seen out in public, and therefore photographed with these appalling things stuck in their mouths.
I am not totally anti dummy , there are some young babies who need them to help with dropping off to sleep, or if there are long term illnesses, but so many parents seem to be Dummy Blind

harrigran Sat 09-Feb-19 18:04:30

One of my bugbears, hate to see them, I can spot a child at a hundred paces that has one. The shape of the mouth and front teeth are a giveaway.

Iam64 Sat 09-Feb-19 18:19:46

sunshine

showergelfresh Sat 09-Feb-19 19:03:15

Often if you take the dummy out of the baby's mouth they just cry - so there'd be no photo worth taking.
Some children just cry lots and it can be hard for the parents. If a dummy keeps them quiet that makes life easier. I used to pin my youngest's dummy to his t-shirt but the oldest discovered his thumb and sucked that for years.
Now he's a dad and hasn't sucked his thumb for a long time and both his children didn't like dummies - they left them on the cot mattress ignored.
Whatever makes the difficult job of being a parent easier I say and some have it harder than others.
smile

M0nica Sat 09-Feb-19 19:08:12

I think a number of parents do them with older children to shut them up so that they do not have to waste time talking to them, so boring when you can be on your phone.

I never used them. DS sucked his thumb for about a year, DD preferred fingers, stopped during the day as soon as she got the hang of talking but went on putting them in her mouth at bedtime well into adolescence and despite what they say has perfect teeth and did not need any teeth straightening.

Urmstongran Sat 09-Feb-19 19:23:03

I’m not fussed either way. They are only babies so look cute whether they are in a photo or not.
Maybe I’m more relaxed because my own mother always to say ‘oh take the dummy out’ whenever I took a photo of DD’s 1&2 (they are 41y and 38y now).
And as an aside - they both have gorgeous teeth in their adulthood!

lincolnimp Sat 09-Feb-19 19:30:14

Showergelfresh. Having Fostered over 100 children I have never taken a photo of any of them with a dummy in their mouths----and yes, most were aged o-4 years and we take loads of photos for their memory boxes
If a little one came to me using a dummy all the time, it wasn't long until they only had it to help them sleep.
We found lots of cuddles and distractions soon took the place of a dummy.
Unfortunately the first thing a parent would do when they had contact would be to stick the dummy in

showergelfresh Sat 09-Feb-19 19:44:48

I was a single parent with a demanding full time job - no gushing Grannies round the corner desp'rate to pitch in - so I was anything to make life as simple as possible.
I had to keep my mind on paying the mortgage and making sure there were enough babybel cheeses in the fridge to even care about dummies,
Absolutely rock bottom of my list of priorities.
Ha! I can completely sympathise with those parents of the fostered children and so should you be able to lincolnimp as a foster carer - shame on you.
Not everyone has no job, granny nearby, hubby earning and dashing home to cook and read dd a bedtime story while mummy loads the dishwasher.
Dream on...

eazybee Sat 09-Feb-19 19:50:37

I cannot bear dummies; neither of my children ever had one, and they wouldn't even tolerate the teat of a bottle.
I too was a single parent and managed to work and pay the mortgage, and other things, without recourse to a dummy, for me or the children.

mcem Sat 09-Feb-19 20:01:25

Pretty rude showergel to someone who has given time and love to 100+ children when they were in need.
And where did the unpleasantness come from re dishwashers and daddies rushing home to cook?

Tartlet Sat 09-Feb-19 20:07:40

I’ve no problem with dummies or with photos being taken of children with dummies. I used dummies for all my five children and none of them suffered in the mouth and teeth department. Dummies can be a very useful aid for mothers as well as a source of great comfort to the children. Most of my children had grown out of dummies (apart from perhaps at bedtime) by their first birthday but one of them liked his dummy so much that we never went anywhere without a spare and he was still going to bed with a dummy when he was three. On the eve of his fourth birthday, the dummy fairy stole his dummy from under his pillow (shades of tooth fairy) and he never asked for it again.

I think mums these days tend to use dummies less, perhaps for fear of criticism, and I remember feeling quite cross with my younger daughter a few because she refused to use a dummy and preferred to just let her child cry. Child just became a thumb sucker instead.

Maggiemaybe Sat 09-Feb-19 20:18:19

Some children like a dummy and find comfort from them. Only one of my four grandsons has had one, and I can assure you it had nothing to do with lack of attention or cuddles. Some children prefer sucking their thumb, others like a comfort blanket or have a little ritual such as stroking hair. I can’t see a problem with any of these things. They’re harmless enjoyments, surely?

Mamissimo Sat 09-Feb-19 20:32:16

Dummies rock! They can be cleaned, sterilised and give comfort. You never see a child at school sucking a dummy but you see lots of children sucking filthy thumbs. Comfort, or photos.....hmmm, I’d rather see a content child any day.

Beau Sat 09-Feb-19 20:46:25

I can't stand them either and neither DD or DGS used one - the difference I see is that they are more common now - they were completely out of favour in the seventies when DD was a baby (where we lived at least) but now they seem to be openly used in public.

Tangerine Sat 09-Feb-19 21:22:10

Each to their own. I must admit my children never had dummies but it doesn't really concern me what other people do. Perhaps they have babies which cry a great deal.

I must admit I don't like to see older children with them.

lincolnimp Sat 09-Feb-19 21:32:33

Showergel, not sure why I am being shamed
The parents I refer to were seeing their children for between 1 and 2 hours, perhaps 3 times a week at a contact centre, and the only thing that was important to them was to stick a dummy in their mouth

Cherrytree59 Sat 09-Feb-19 21:38:41

There is 'some' evidence that a dummy (soother) can prevent SID.

I know that 'some' Mums use a dummy for this reason and not just to stop their baby from crying.

lincolnimp Sat 09-Feb-19 21:45:46

Cherrytree59, as I said earlier, dummies and sleep can/often go together. it is the dummies being used all the time when the baby, and more especially the toddler, is awake that I really struggle with

Grammaretto Sat 09-Feb-19 21:50:24

My Speech and language therapist friend says dummies are really bad for teeth and speech development.
I believe her.
My own DC did not have them though I did try with the youngest who spat it out.
One of ours sucked his thumb in fact he was born sucking it. It was red and raw.
Trouble is you can't stop the thumb sucking but you can throw away the dummies.
DD uses them for her babies but only at night or for naps and then weans them.
There's a tree in Copenhagen hung with dummies which children have outgrown.
www.joshuasofaer.com
I used to suck plum stones for comfort when I was a child. I hate to this day the foster mother who pulled my stones from my mouth.

MissAdventure Sat 09-Feb-19 21:57:47

I'm not keen on seeing older children with dummies, but its no skin off my nose if they aren't mine.
My daughter never had one, but she sucked her fingers and rubbed a smelly old vest on her nose instead. smile

Bibbity Sat 09-Feb-19 22:09:26

Some of the most adorable pictures of my DS as an infant feature a dummy.
I really could not care less what other people thought of the accessory he was a happy child and that’s all that matters.

Plus anything that reduces SIDS by approx 90% is bloody amazing in my books.

Bibbity Sat 09-Feb-19 22:10:04

Also I now have a thumb sucker 😩
I’d choose a dummy every day of the week!

M0nica Sat 09-Feb-19 22:36:45

I was told to use a dummy because children who sucked thumbs/fingers ended up with distorted teeth and wearing braces because the thumb /fingers pulled at the teeth, whereas children who sucked dummies did not have such problems

Yes, DS did end up wearing braces, where DD did not, but this had far more to do with the shape and size of his palate and jaw than whether he sucked his thumb or not.

MissAdventure Sat 09-Feb-19 22:39:24

My Nan sucked her thumb, and had a variety of white muslin cloths, for whatever she did with those whilst sucking. smile

Bibbity Sat 09-Feb-19 23:01:51

How did those with children who sucked their thumb get them to stop?
Or when did they stop naturally.
Dd is 2, but is speech delayed and we believe may have some other issues. It’s very much her security. But I am worried about her teeth etc. Plus she starts full time school in September so I’m thinking we need to try and get her out of it soon.