To give some background. My dd1 has had some mental health issues, self harming, overdose etc. due to previous disastrous and abusive relationship. This has left her with low self worth.
She has now been in a relationship with her dp for 8 years.
Few years on and he has a far better job than she has, but expects her to save and usually pay for what needs done in their home, he spends what he has.
He has never had the greatest relationship with his family, his dm drove him out of her home, we took him in as he had nowhere to go. His younger sister is also pretty demanding, asking to borrow money etc. and not paying back.
I gave them the deposit to buy a house (not because well off but because they needed somewhere to live).
Despite not wanting a family, dd phoned, crying saying she was pregnant. I went along to see them (he had made her phone me) as he often works away and wanted her to have my support. I was asked to not tell anybody, which I didn’t, not even dh. Her dp really wants the baby, but I think this is only reason she has kept it. She hasn’t had a great pregnancy, 2 threatened miscarriages, and they had to tell rest of immediate family, while asking them not to tell others. His mother, on hearing dd was pregnant, burst into tears as she was so happy and begged to be able to tell her extended family. From not wanting to have relationship with ds she is now all over her son, sister is same. I however have noticed that they both only talk about looking forward to spending time with son and baby, my daughter isn’t in the equation, which makes me feel quite bitter. Her dp has always been treated as one of the family with us but it hasn’t been reciprocated with my dd by ils.
Throughout pregnancy my dd has left organising nursery etc. to her dp. If I say about anything, she just says to speak to her dp as it is up to him! I know a lot of her problems are because she doesn’t know how she will cope financially, and her dp is in considerable debt. Unknown to my dh and to help with dds worrying I have loaned her dp £21000 to clear his debts, with the proviso that he pays me back a fair set amount every month, until the debt is cleared (at the interest rates he was paying, only a very small amount of debt total was being payed off each month and it would have taken forever to clear it). I did give him a couple of months holiday prior to starting payments, so they could pay for necessary things for baby etc.
His dm is now on Facebook nearly every day, with a countdown to baby’s due date, posting pictures of what she has bought and how they will be looking after baby and taking it away places. My dd just doesn’t seem to be in the equation and I think it is bringing previous self worth problems out again. I know it is up to dd and her dp but I am getting really angry at ils attitude as feel that she was a really shit mother to daughter’s dp, but now she is going on about how fantastic a grandmother she will be to baby.
Chucky Thu 14-Feb-19 07:16:01
Lily65 Thu 14-Feb-19 08:28:32
Lucca Thu 14-Feb-19 08:31:35
Lily65 Thu 14-Feb-19 08:41:36
MissAdventure Thu 14-Feb-19 08:44:38
M0nica Thu 14-Feb-19 08:46:53
Urmstongran Thu 14-Feb-19 08:48:36
Lily65 Thu 14-Feb-19 08:59:48
Urmstongran Thu 14-Feb-19 09:05:32
MissAdventure Thu 14-Feb-19 09:08:18
harrigran Thu 14-Feb-19 09:11:25
M0nica Thu 14-Feb-19 09:11:57
MissAdventure Thu 14-Feb-19 09:13:21
Urmstongran Thu 14-Feb-19 09:13:51
MissAdventure Thu 14-Feb-19 09:15:21
luluaugust Thu 14-Feb-19 09:21:31
M0nica Thu 14-Feb-19 09:29:56
Lily65 Thu 14-Feb-19 09:55:47
Missfoodlove Thu 14-Feb-19 10:10:19
Chucky Thu 14-Feb-19 11:28:21
MissAdventure Thu 14-Feb-19 11:32:00
sodapop Thu 14-Feb-19 11:57:31
Lily65 Thu 14-Feb-19 12:13:24
Beau Thu 14-Feb-19 12:24:32
Chucky Thu 14-Feb-19 14:07:11