Husband with dementia

Thankyou so much for your speedy and helpful replies.
Maw there is daycare available but he's nevet been at all sociable and would baulk at it.
I'm afraid the very sight of him sitting in his chair fills me with a horrble hatred. I look after him well and I'm kind but this awful negative feeling is not good. Our marriage was a bit of a mistake after my first husband died anf i was young and alone with a baby. Sorry to be such a misery guts!

No you are definitely not being unreasonable. The breaks you mention are not enough for the amount of care you are giving. I would tell your family you need a short holiday to get yourself together and they need to arrange care for your husband for that period. You deserve some regular time off where you can plan things you want to do for yourself. Sometimes we just have to say ' no' for the sake of our own health and sanity. I wish you and your husband well.

No not unreasonable. Thec’family’ are going to have to step up to the plate if you are to keep him at home. You need time off during the day and preferably at least one night a week where he is off your hands.

Can they not organise a rota to help you out?

I am sorry your family are not also considering your needs equally with your DH needs. We have a friend who has dementia. His wife was not keen to consider a care home for him. Recently he needed to be admitted to hospital due to an infection. He was perfectly happy and not distressed or worried. This helped his wife to see that he could be cared for elsewhere and she could still have some life for herself..which , if he could say so, he would want for her. farmgran if Mrfarm would want you to live your life more fully..do what he would want for you

I can sympathise. My Mum was a nurse and she cared for my Dad who had vascular dementia, Parkinson’s and a heart condition at home for as long as she could. She knew when he had to go into a care home, to save her own health. Even then she visited every day and fought his corner. If your DH is ready for full time care, think of yourself and do what you need to. It’s not easy to take that decision, but your family should support you.

My friends DH has dementia and since her own illness a few weeks ago (cellulitis) he has been going to a Day Centre between about 10 and 3. I believe it costs £30ish a day But is a life saver as she could not have coped. And what is more, he loves it! Whereas at home he just sat in his chair all day he now has company, people who talk to him and he is safe and comfortable.
Might there be anything like that near you? Even a few hours would give you a break.

What a shame you are having a difficult retirement I guess with him being 17 years older than you this was almost inevitable in some way
If the family are against even the respite then they must give you more than a little help, depending on how many of them there are can they not devote at least a whole day a week, or two or three halves just to break it all up, an hour here and there is no longer enough and I think they need to know that you cannot manage it all alone any more
Good luck

No, you're not being unreasonable. If they don't like him going into respite care, let them take of him for a while. They may then change their tune.

If they don't want him to go into full-time care, are they willing to give up their employment and lives in general to help you?