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Getting dh out of the house, grrrr....

(98 Posts)
Witzend Thu 07-Mar-19 13:12:36

Not an age thing, he's always done it.
Takes ages obsessively checking doors, windows, gas, etc. - which I wouldn't mind at all, except that he won't do it in plenty of time, so that we invariably leave around 15 mins later than we should.
Just now I'm sitting here fuming, since we're supposed to,pick up Gdd from pre school at 3 - no later because the doors will be locked until at least 5! not to mention Gdd being so disappointed if we're not there - and it's not around the corner - it's a drive on 3 motorways, inc. the so often crawling M25.

He's always loved cutting things fine - arriving at the airport when 'last call' is flashing was always good fun to him, but it drives me mad, esp. since I can't help thinking he does it on purpose to annoy me. Or else why won't he make the effort to start his bloody faffing and dithering earlier??
Rant over!
I feel (a wee bit) better now.

sazz1 Fri 08-Mar-19 10:07:25

Why don't you tell him how rude and bad mannered it is to arrive late. Also some schools will ring parents if you are very late arriving and it's very distressing for the child

Aepgirl Fri 08-Mar-19 10:07:30

Could he be slightly autistic? These are the sorts of things that people with this do.

Why not just fix appointments and then give him a time earlier so that you will be leaving on time?

hugaby Fri 08-Mar-19 10:24:02

I would suggest, that you tell your husband that you need to leave at least 30 minutes before you need to. Hopefully that means you will be able to leave on time (and possibly a little earlier) and will save you all the frustrations. However, be aware that he might 'catch on' to this ploy and you will need to make all the arrangements etc. Good luck.

GinJeannie Fri 08-Mar-19 10:32:41

So sympathise....Our 'best and oldest' dear friends are always late; so now we tell them to be there/meet us 30 mins before the alloted time! At my 60th buffet lunch, start time midday, they arrived just before 2 pm! Disappointed look on their faces at lack of food remaining!

LJN1000 Fri 08-Mar-19 10:34:08

I feel your pain. This morning we are going away for the weekend. I am ready at door, bag packed, coat on as it’s the time we agreed to leave - then the grumpy one says “just going to have a shower before we go “ ! We never get anywhere on time ☹️

4allweknow Fri 08-Mar-19 10:43:47

My DH is the opposite and it is just as maddening. Always needs to leave the house well before we need to to get anywhere. Arrive at airport about 3 hours earlier than need be, way early for a booked meal, trains, Drs, hospital appointments, theatre. drives me bonkers. Seem to spend my life 'waiting'. He is actually off now having left at 10.30 for an 11.30 appoinment taking 20 min drive to get there. Late or early one is as bad as the other.

eazybee Fri 08-Mar-19 11:00:13

Making you deliberately late when you are collecting children from nursery is not remotely funny.
Read Roald Dahl's short story The Way up to Heaven and think hard about it.

Mamo Fri 08-Mar-19 11:01:12

There was a really good short story by Ronald Dahl on similar situation in the Tales of the Unexpected series. Look it up! He comes to a nasty end!!grin

Craftycat Fri 08-Mar-19 11:09:09

You are not alone!
My DH is exactly the same & I was brought up on maxim 'better an hour early than a minute late'!
I think it is so rude to be late anywhere.He has no sense of urgency at all & the more I stress the slower he goes.
I am always stressed by the time we leave- we were even late for my best friend's funeral.
Luckily we don't go out together very much but when he retires I am going to have to look for good excuses to travel separately.

Mamar2 Fri 08-Mar-19 11:11:38

My OH is exactly the same. I too get really anxious when it's our responsibility to pick up GC from school &/or Nursery. DDs know what he's like so say an earlier time now. I used to take the brunt of people's annoyance of us being late but now just say "Sorry we're late but OH decided to do 'such & such' at the last minute which has caused this upset".

DD's Nursery have a fine system.

Grampie Fri 08-Mar-19 11:14:08

I'm the opposite. I allow enough time to change a wheel and therefore arrive about 45 minutes ahead. Habit of a lifetime.

ReadyMeals Fri 08-Mar-19 11:14:42

I don't think he does it on purpose to annoy you - not consciously. It's a disorder some people have. I knew someone with it who was so upset about making himself late or almost late for everything by compulsively styling his hair that he cut it all off to remove the compulsion. Unfortunately he just developed others. I think you need to find a way so you no longer need to rely on him to get you places on time. If you can't drive, find alternative means to travel and let him know when you'll be leaving. If he's ready he goes with you, if not he misses out. He might actually find it a relief not to have the responsibility and his compulsions might reduce as a result.

Another idea is to have a security checking checklist that you draw up together. Once he is happy with it, maybe you could take on the job of actually working through it before each outing, with him supervising the first time so that he's happy you can do it properly, and then on just tick off each item in pencil as you do it so you can show it to him when it's time to go.

Jayelld Fri 08-Mar-19 11:14:58

Strangely I had this conversation with my D this morning as she drove away from the school gates. Neither of us like being late so are frequently early or on time. As she drove away, a very good friend of hers was just arriving to drop her two boys off to school, 15 minutes late! (A common occurrence for this friend!). She is frequently late picking up and my daughter will often ring her to see where she is, then collect the boys herself! It is the one irritating thing in a very close friendship.

Reevangel Fri 08-Mar-19 11:15:35

It sounds like he's OCD and you may need to chat to someone about strategies for you to cope with it like maybe telling him that you need to be somewhere 30 mins earlier that the real time. Unfortunately it will only get worse with age and you will need to learn how to manage him.

Bbbface Fri 08-Mar-19 11:16:15


Has he ever missed a flight?
Because I wonder if the tables could be turned.

Ie my wife likes to be at the airport five hours before departure and it drives me potty!

Redgran18 Fri 08-Mar-19 11:16:40

It sounds like passive - aggressive behaviour.

jaylucy Fri 08-Mar-19 11:20:03

I would say that a few strong words should be said but it would no doubt be a waste of time and you would end up even more annoyed because he would be even worse!
It seems to be mainly a bloke thing (sorry) and they only dig their heels in like this to show they think they are in control. If you can drive, I'd say to give him advanced warning at least an hour before you need to leave the house , that if he's not ready to leave when you are, you will go without him and do just that !

Framilode Fri 08-Mar-19 11:26:44

With men I definitely think it's a control thing. It's rude and stressful and I don't know what the answer is. It's the same in our house.

Tudorrose Fri 08-Mar-19 11:27:40

I think being late is a built in trait which is almost impossible to change. I put my friends into two groups, those who I would and wouldn’t cook a soufflé for!

Gingergirl Fri 08-Mar-19 11:55:16

Obsessive checking is a problem here as well. Losing my temper about it, achieved nothing. Now I say we need to be out a lot earlier than we actually do. If all else fails, I go without him. I don’t think it will ever’s a personality trait.

LuckyFour Fri 08-Mar-19 11:55:24

Last evening DH got washed and changed to go out, I got dressed and ready after him. I came downstairs with my coat and bag and found him doing something else. I then had to wait while he finished getting ready. I grumbled that he was now making us late and he said he'd been waiting for me! Can't win.

Sueki44 Fri 08-Mar-19 11:58:05

It really infuriates me when people simper “oh , I’m always late”, as if it is a virtue and beyond their control. It isn’’s just darned rude and unless there’s a jolly good reason I won’t wait longer than a couple of minutes for anyone. Get a grip!

inishowen Fri 08-Mar-19 12:09:23

My DH is the same. We have to leave at 2.20 pm to pick our GD up at 3 pm. Otherwise there will nowhere to park. At 2.20 I will say we're going. He says he has to go to the toilet. That can take five minutes. Another thing that drives me mad is if the phone rings when we're about to leave. I tell him to leave it, he answers it and starts chatting. He will never tell the caller he's on his way out! My blood pressure must be sky high.

sunnydayindorset Fri 08-Mar-19 12:15:11

I just lie to DH. I am never consistent by how much I have brought the time that we need to be somewhere forward. Might be 15mins. 30 mins 45mins or even an hour.
I have also did the dawdling when it is somewhere where HE wanted to be on time. Drove him spare but I just reminded him that it was not my priority just like X isn't his. Lesson learnt.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Fri 08-Mar-19 12:18:17

My late FIL was like this and it infuriated his family. DH tried to behave differently so as not to fall into the same trap. I wonder if he is a bit worried about the long drive and is therefore trying to put it off?
Could you stand by the door with the car keys in your hand and tell him firmly, "You have five minutes only to get yourself organised or I'm leaving without you?"
Then go without him. I know you don't fancy the trip alone but it might concentrate his mind.