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AIBU

Getting dh out of the house, grrrr....

(97 Posts)
Witzend Thu 07-Mar-19 13:12:36

Not an age thing, he's always done it.
Takes ages obsessively checking doors, windows, gas, etc. - which I wouldn't mind at all, except that he won't do it in plenty of time, so that we invariably leave around 15 mins later than we should.
Just now I'm sitting here fuming, since we're supposed to,pick up Gdd from pre school at 3 - no later because the doors will be locked until at least 5! not to mention Gdd being so disappointed if we're not there - and it's not around the corner - it's a drive on 3 motorways, inc. the so often crawling M25.

He's always loved cutting things fine - arriving at the airport when 'last call' is flashing was always good fun to him, but it drives me mad, esp. since I can't help thinking he does it on purpose to annoy me. Or else why won't he make the effort to start his bloody faffing and dithering earlier??
Rant over!
I feel (a wee bit) better now.

NanKate Thu 07-Mar-19 14:00:21

What a pain in the ar** he is. It would, like you, drive me to distraction. He needs a right talking too. My friend and her husband are like this. We went to pick her up recently on time and she asked if we would wait whilst she painted her nails. We said a resounding NO !

Wish I had some suggestions to resolve HIS problem but other than withdrawing all services blush I can’t think what will change him.

sodapop Thu 07-Mar-19 14:04:35

That must be so annoying Witzend can you have your clocks fast or tell him the appointments are earlier. Other than that practice deep breathing and serenity. Rant away on here if it helps.

Urmstongran Thu 07-Mar-19 14:05:41

That’s quite some school pick up Witzend no wonder you want to get going!

yggdrasil Thu 07-Mar-19 14:20:11

Do you drive? If so, go alone and leave him behind.
If not, why not learn, it's never too late smile

midgey Thu 07-Mar-19 14:28:14

I have taken to taking fifteen minutes off the appointment times when I write them on the calendar. The clocks are also fast!

Luckygirl Thu 07-Mar-19 14:45:46

Pop in the car and go and do it on your own. Nothing else for it.

M0nica Thu 07-Mar-19 15:48:07

If he is not ready on time and it is just something simple like collecting a child or going shopping, go without him.

Alternatively, if possible, just refuse to go where you had planned because it is too late.

Warn him in advance what you intend to do - and then do it.

B9exchange Thu 07-Mar-19 16:07:22

DH is okay at leaving on time if there is a deadline, indeed he has been known to get us to the airport six hours in advance. But he has a Masters in 'faffing' when there is no particular urgency.

We never get to eat together, because he will insist on starting the washing up whilst his food goes cold on the plate. Then when he comes in, he won't settle down to eat until he has found a programme to watch on the TV.

If we are going out somewhere as a family, the AC will be killing themselves in the car whilst he looks for comb, glasses, keys etc. He won't even go to the loo without hunting for a particular bit of the paper to read whilst he is in there!

ayse Thu 07-Mar-19 16:12:03

My dh does this too. I get anxious and it stresses me out. I do the tell him we need to leave at least 15 minutes before necessary. More recently, as I drive, I’ve told him I’ll go without him. The only time it does not bother me is if he has to catch a coach or fly and I don’t. He then drives and if late, well there is nothing to do. The leave earlier trick usually works these days. I think it’s totally unreasonable to leave it till the last minute. I hope you manage to make some inroads.

Witzend Thu 07-Mar-19 16:37:56

Well, in fact we got away only about 7 mins late for once! Must have been telepathy. And no hold ups on the M25, thank goodness.

I've long stopped saying anything - it's never helped.

I do drive, and frequently go alone, but Dd is away for work, so we're both here for school/nursery pickups, for tonight and all day tomorrow, since both Gdcs will be home tomorrow. And I don't feel like doing it all on my tod!

It's to help SiL, who is very good, but it's a lot to manage a 2 and a 3 on your own when you're working full time - plus he has to leave at 6 am every Friday.

Same again next week!

NanaandGrampy Thu 07-Mar-19 16:59:59

change the time on all the clocks in the house so he THINKS he's slowing you down but in fact you leave on time?

I would be more than a little cross if it was me, not because its annoying but to a little one NOTHING is worse than being the last child to be picked up. Perhaps play on his love for her?

phoenix Thu 07-Mar-19 17:26:36

My late stepfather was a nightmare when it came to things like this!

In the end mother and I would tell him that we were expected/the appointment was for 30 minutes earlier than it actually was.

Seemed to work!

shandi6570 Thu 07-Mar-19 17:36:03

My OH is the opposite, always wants to be there too early and I hate being first or hanging around waiting. Must admit I would rather be slowing him down than trying to get him to move faster so I musn't complain and just think myself lucky the next time I think we are leaving far too early grin

EllanVannin Thu 07-Mar-19 17:41:38

I had this all the time. What's more, the family are the same and the relatives too. Then I'm the only one who's left pacing, wringing my hands and generally on edge while everyone else must wonder what the fuss is all about. By this time I'd be all churned up.

My husband was the worst offender, taking an age to put his tie on then his watch. Thank goodness he'd never fly, we'd never have got off the ground. I used to tell him he'd be late for his own funeral.

I've finally learned not to be to time, but the look I get if I'm not quite ready is priceless !

SalsaQueen Thu 07-Mar-19 19:26:28

One of my sons can be a bit like that. What we all do is to tell him that we're going out earlier than we actually are - so if, for example, we need to be somewhere for 8pm, we'll tell him we need to get there at 7.30. It seems to work!

BlueBelle Thu 07-Mar-19 19:47:28

I m always early if I m going to the airport I m sitting there for hours ‘just in case’ I always tell taxis a quarter of an hour earlier than I need ‘just in case’ if I m meeting friends I m always the first one
I irritate myself but I am what I am 😊

BlueSapphire Fri 08-Mar-19 07:42:22

My DH was like that, faffing around. Always used to tell him things started an hour earlier than they really did; in that way we normally left on time.

Grandad1943 Fri 08-Mar-19 07:44:49

Witzend, why not do all the locking up of the house yourself rather than "just sitting there." You are obviously far more efficient in life than your husband is, so just do it yourself.

Even if he insists on checking all is locked after you have finished, that would still save time in him not having to find the keys and do the locking up, with of course the exception of the last door you will actually leave by.

Simple solution? grin

GrandmainOz Fri 08-Mar-19 08:49:15

My husband is becoming more and more of a faffer with age. Trouble is, I'm the opposite extreme. Surprised we haven't throttled each other 😉

NannyJan53 Fri 08-Mar-19 08:54:40

My partner is a last minute person. I am always ready before he is, and he doesn't have hair or put make up on smile

When we go to an Airport, I am always frustrated, as he likes to wait to the last possible moment to leave, whereas I like to be an hour early (just in case)

Family get togethers, or other appointments. I tell him we need to be there at least 30 minutes before we need to be. Then we just may make it on time.

TerriBull Fri 08-Mar-19 09:26:50

I'm the faffer in our house, I always have to lean on the front door to make sure it's shut, this stems from the fact that I went out once and left it slightly open shock I also worry I haven't unplugged things, get halfway down the road sometimes and think to myself "did I unplug my heated hair brush" I know it's an annoying trait.

missymazda Fri 08-Mar-19 09:58:00

My Husband has morphed into a faffer, I’m fortunate that we aren’t late getting everywhere at the moment but it’s very annoying. Before bed he has to get the cups “ready” open the downstairs blinds, run the tap until it’s cold enough for his glass of water,boil the kettle!!!! 🤣

Afeica33 Fri 08-Mar-19 10:00:00

That would drive me insane, my daughter is the same!! She seems utterly incapable of being 'on time' for anything.

Having worked in a career where time was of utter importance, I always say, '5 mins early (or sooner) is on time, on time is late and late is unacceptable'.

Mapleleaf Fri 08-Mar-19 10:02:27

Luckily, DH and I are the same regarding time, and don’t leave it to the last minute - unlike one of his sisters!!