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Mothers Day is cancelled

(194 Posts)
muffinthemoo Wed 27-Mar-19 16:34:07

Am stay at home mum of three kids under four by DH's request. DH works extremely long hours so I am on my tod most of the time. I wrangle offspring and household to the best of my abilities.

Have been told this that "Mothers Day is cancelled, it's a made up holiday to sell cards". Oh okay then. I won't expect a present then...

Have now just received text checking whether I have made sure to order flowers for MIL for Mothers Day as "he doesn't want to deal with that"...!

I feel sad. A card would have been nice. AIBU?

(Yes, I have ordered MIL the flowers out of basic social courtesy.)

Jalima1108 Sun 31-Mar-19 20:03:05

Mothering Sunday was, in fact, the day when those who worked away from home were allowed a day off to go back to their mother church.

However, a thread of 170 posts about the unhappiness of one mother who may not feel that the father of her children is appreciating her is, perhaps, not the thread to post:
Mothers' Day divides smug mothers from women who have not given birth, have lost their child in one way or another, who have ungrateful offspring. Keep a day for your mother by all means but shut up about it. It's private

I don't think anyone is being smug on here, just trying to be helpful and sympathetic.

maryeliza54 Sun 31-Mar-19 20:05:26

Alexa it was the use of the word ‘smug’ in your post that was unkind and uncalled for.

maryeliza54 Sun 31-Mar-19 20:06:01

X posts with Jal

Alexa Mon 01-Apr-19 01:01:28

Mary Eliza, I read your previous post with interest as you make a good point. I think the difference is that these fixed family occasions can be especially challenging .

maryeliza54 Mon 01-Apr-19 08:31:38

Thank you for your response Alexa. I have to disagree though - there is nothing more challenging than the everyday challenges of disability and the constant reminders of what you cannot do and have to plan for. Today for example I am having a day in London and the thought and planning that have had to go into it compared to anyone not disabled would maybe surprise the latter. Its a constant reminder of how easy those aspects of life are for others compared with myself plus a reminder of the long list of the experiences which are inaccessible despite my best efforts. But I don’t feel negative of course to those who post blithely of their exploits. I just wish there were more support from non disabled people to improve the experiences of people like myself

maryeliza54 Mon 01-Apr-19 08:33:16

Sorry - I didn’t really mean nothing more challenging - it’s not a competition. What I really mean is that many things are equally challenging in different ways

Alexa Mon 01-Apr-19 09:36:29

And I am sorry to have said 'smug' now that I understand that the word was unnecessarily offensive.

Of course you are right Maryeliza. Now that I'm sort of disabled by old age problems I can better imagine how you might be placed even although I don't know the details.

You said "it's not a competition". I am not good at competitions about important family relationships to do with marriage or children and so on. Sometimes I fancy that there is social competition around being a great success on Mother's Day , Christmas , posh weddings, and so on.

Mycatisahacker Mon 01-Apr-19 14:05:25

He sounds charming op!

Look I too think these days are pretty daft to be honest my older sister used to campaign for us to celebrate oldest daughters day grin

I would organise flowers for my mil in s heartbeat if needed but my dh isn’t a big gesture bloke he’s kind every day as I am to him. That’s what we taught our kids. It’s not the big gestures it’s the ongoing little ones that matter.

That said I had presents and cards from my 4. It wouldn’t matter if I hadn’t. But it was nice.

Op your dh works long hours as of course so do you. My dh usually works 8am until 10pm!!! He’s still kind. If he’s not kind on a daily basis address that.

muffinthemoo Mon 01-Apr-19 14:08:04

I didn't meant to upset anyone with this post.

I was tired and feeling a bit low when I made it, and I didn't want to talk to IRL friends about it because I knew they would lambast DH. For the same reason I don't ask family this type of question.

I'm sorry if I caused upset.

I took your advice and had a word with him at the tail end of last week. I remained calm but explained that a card or similar acknowledgement was important to me because it helped keep my spirits up when we'd had a difficult few months. I explained that I wasn't panhandling for gifts or monetary value, but the acknowledgement was emotionally important for me and it would make me happy if he did this.

On Sunday I received a card and some chocolates, which was nice. So there was a solution found.

Mycatisahacker Mon 01-Apr-19 14:15:52

Sometimes men and women need lambasting op! I reminded my oldest son about Mother’s Day just in case he forgot. He hadn’t. grin don’t be a lovely door mat! wink

Sounds like he listened. Good outcome.

Jalima1108 Mon 01-Apr-19 14:18:22

Well done, muffin, for remaining calm and reasonable and the message obviously got home.

Enjoy your chocolates smile

M0nica Tue 02-Apr-19 10:41:41

If we did not celebrate, other than in deepest privacy, every occasion that just might upset someone somewhere, we would spend our whole life cowering behind closed curtains whispering to our mothers, fathers, spouses, children, friends, etc etc.

I think all of us associate personal sadness with one or other celebration. As with everything else in life we learn to take the rough with the smooth. My celebration may be someone elses sorrow but other's celebrations are my sorrow

Bagatelle Tue 02-Apr-19 12:10:08

Yes, M0nica. Both of my parents died at Christmas, 20+ years apart. It was a sad time for my mother but she didn't let it show, and it's still a sad time for me when I hear the carol singing start.

Purpledaffodil Tue 02-Apr-19 13:43:04

Muffin as I wrote before, you are a saint! What a brilliant solution you found. Dear friend who is a counsellor always advises “I feel” statements rather than “You”. It sounds like it worked well for you. flowers

BlueSapphire Tue 02-Apr-19 20:48:56

Oh, muffin so pleased it all went well for you.

mumofmadboys Wed 03-Apr-19 08:06:07

Hopefully Muffin your DH will have learnt the lesson and next year you won't have to say anything!

FarNorth Wed 03-Apr-19 08:27:53

Well done, Muffin.
I hope he is appreciative of you on other days too. sunshine

Carolina55 Wed 03-Apr-19 09:19:49

All I ever wanted on Mothering Sunday was to see my daughter happy and smiling and for six long years it didn’t happen.

Since we’ve made our peace I’ve had, at various times, cards presents, lunches etc. However I can honestly say that her FaceTime call on Sunday just before I was going to lunch with my husband (she’d been working all morning) saying happy mother’s day mam made my heart sing.