Gransnet forums


Mothers Day is cancelled

(193 Posts)
muffinthemoo Wed 27-Mar-19 16:34:07

Am stay at home mum of three kids under four by DH's request. DH works extremely long hours so I am on my tod most of the time. I wrangle offspring and household to the best of my abilities.

Have been told this that "Mothers Day is cancelled, it's a made up holiday to sell cards". Oh okay then. I won't expect a present then...

Have now just received text checking whether I have made sure to order flowers for MIL for Mothers Day as "he doesn't want to deal with that"...!

I feel sad. A card would have been nice. AIBU?

(Yes, I have ordered MIL the flowers out of basic social courtesy.)

Miep1 Wed 27-Mar-19 16:41:06

I have NEVER had a Mothers Day Card from my children - and I have three!

phoenix Wed 27-Mar-19 16:45:36

So, mothers day is cancelled for you, as it's "a made up holiday to sell cards" but you have to organise flowers for his mother!!!!

Bit double standards, don't you think?

I know what I would say to him................

clementine Wed 27-Mar-19 16:47:09

I'm not surprised you feel sad, and a bit let down too I imagine . Can't believe he had the audacity to make sure his own mother was sorted but yet, doesn't feel the mother of his three children warrants even a card ? It's not even that the children are at school or nursery where at least they are encouraged to make a card for mummy, ( and these are the ones that are most treasured ) I would order yourself something nice online too , to save him the hassle !!!!

Lily65 Wed 27-Mar-19 16:50:53

mmm it's a bit of a weird one. I sense things have improved on the health and home front which is good. I feel Mothers Day has been hijacked and turned into something horrible, like Easter and of course the biggy Christmas.

I suggest you are clear and straight with Mr Muffin and state your wishes. Then and only then are you allowed to sulk if he falls short of the mark.

suzied Wed 27-Mar-19 16:51:15

I would buy myself something nice definitely! I wouldn't have bought the MiL flowers either.

Lily65 Wed 27-Mar-19 16:51:40

BTW, his mother , his responsibility.

dragonfly46 Wed 27-Mar-19 16:53:52

I would be very upset and would have to say something. I think it is a lovely tradition and I always get a visit and or flowers from both my AC.

It reminds me of the time that my DH came home and told me that he was paying for one of the girls who worked for him to have a cleaner as she worked so hard at work she didn't have the time to clean also. I let him know in no uncertain terms what I thought of that.

wildswan16 Wed 27-Mar-19 17:01:01

We have never celebrated "Mother's Day". When the children were little we enjoyed "Mothering Sunday" at church when the children all went out to pick wild flowers the day before and gave them to mothers or grannies at the Sunday service.

I would be quite cross to think that my children required to be encouraged by media hype to give their mum a present. I much prefer the unexpected ones I get on random occasions whether it is a kiss on the cheek, bunch of flowers or left-over soup (yesterday's unexpected gift!).

Urmstongran Wed 27-Mar-19 17:01:25

Oh bless you muffin I bet you’re feeling highly unappreciated right now.

Jalima1108 Wed 27-Mar-19 17:02:30

Perhaps he's planning a surprise. Breakfast in bed, flowers and chocs and he's cooking lunch?

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you muffin

ps Mothering Sunday smile

kittylester Wed 27-Mar-19 17:03:12

I'd be steaming mad!!

M0nica Wed 27-Mar-19 17:03:37

It isn't a made-up occasion to sell cards. It's origins are in Christianity. It is the middle Sunday in Lent and originally the mother was the mother church in Jerusalem. In the middle ages, it began to be seen as applying to the Virgin Mary, mothers and then individual mothers and servants and work people would visit home and as the day is in spring, probably, collect any wild flowers they saw on the way as an offering to their mother. Now of course people buy cards, but the feast preceeded the cards by as much as 1,000 years. the made up occasion to sell cards is the Mother's day in May.

Why on earth did you order flowers for your MiL? If your H cares about his mother, he should make the effort and order them himself - and face the recriminations, if there are any, when he doesn't.

grannyactivist Wed 27-Mar-19 17:03:46

muffin I know you're probably worn to a frazzle dealing with two sets of difficult parents, a houseful of small children and your husband, who clearly needs careful handling, but on this issue I do think it's worth challenging him on the hypocrisy and unfairness of his stance. I would simply ask him to explain his thinking and then watch him flounder as he tries to justify a gift for his mum and not for you.

Having read your posts I definitely think you're deserving of flowers, so here, have some from me. smile

maryeliza54 Wed 27-Mar-19 17:04:46

I hope you just get up on Sunday morning and go out somewhere nice on your own for the day. Take a notebook and plan how you are going to LTB

Lily65 Wed 27-Mar-19 17:06:51

i would give him a well thought out list with things you would like and tell him to pick one and buy it.

Jalima1108 Wed 27-Mar-19 17:10:57

I hope you just get up on Sunday morning and go out somewhere nice on your own for the day.
If he means this (and I truly hope he does not!!) then I would be going out for the day too.

It used to be people were given the day off to go home to visit their 'Mother Church' but nowadays, whether commercialised or not, it is a good time to appreciate all that a mother does.

mumofmadboys Wed 27-Mar-19 17:13:22

Explain that you find his comments very hurtful. Your current full time job is caring for your three children and it deserves to be recognised because as Mums we give our utmost. Point it out calmly and patiently and await Sunday. Hope he turns up trumps.x

Nanabilly Wed 27-Mar-19 17:18:46

Oh dear ! Is he the kind of guy who will think about what he's said and done and correct it or not. ?
Do you do anything special for fathers day? If yes then I'd deal with him when he gets home tonight and damn well make sure he sorts something from the kids at least. He is teaching them to "Not bother" . If you don't do anything to celebrate fathers day then maybe he's letting you know it upsets him. .If it's just typical of him I'd make sure you " can't be bothered " when he wants you to be !?

Grammaretto Wed 27-Mar-19 18:08:19

It's Father's day that is the hallmark card day, not Mothering Sunday.
I hope you at least get breakfast in bed. You tell him!!
OH means well but he may need the DC to remind him. His mum will get something from us both.

BradfordLass72 Wed 27-Mar-19 18:19:10

How breathtakingly insensitive, not just to you but to his own mother. He can't even be bothered to respect the woman who brought him up and loved him, let alone the one who's currently rearing his own children.

I hope your children are booked into playschool or kindergarten where they will learn that other people treat their mothers with respect, and not just observe the lamentable role model of their father.

It is NO excuse that he works long hours. So do YOU flowers

Lily65 Wed 27-Mar-19 18:22:58

Bradford, I'd have to disagree there. its the other 364 days of the year that matter.

For whatever reason he works long hours out of the home and Muffin has the little 'uns.....both tiring jobs.

They should get the ghastly inlaws to house sit and go away as a couple.

B9exchange Wed 27-Mar-19 18:35:53

There is no way I would organise flowers for DH's mother, if he wants her to think kindly of him on Mothering Sunday, then he has to make the effort himself.

DH is mildly resentful that our children won't think of planning to come and see me on the day unless he offers them a meal, he says I am not his mother after all (I am still the mother who provided him with four children!)

Two of them will come, one is having her own birthday on that day, so we will all go over there afterwards, and one family is abroad, which apparently means they can conveniently forget birthdays, mother's days, Christmas etc.

I used to love the hand made cards from the children when they were school age, they meant much more than profits for the card companies. I am lucky that some of them still write lovely messages in their cards.

Just wondered, we have charity Christmas cards, why not charity cards for other days?

lemongrove Wed 27-Mar-19 18:50:21

I had three children similar ages to yours muffin and DH never bought me a present or card for MD either.....but I didn’t expect it. The children, once at school, all made lovely MD cards, and at church were given a few flowers to present to Mum.As they got older they used their pocket money for a gift for me.
Nowadays have noticed a trend for husbands to ‘spoil’ their wives ( not their Mother, is she?) a bit strange really.A friend says her DS takes his own wife out on MD and fits in a ten minute visit to her ( his Mother) the day before.
Perhaps it was all started by grumpy wives in order to get gifts and meal out.
Everyone has children who will grow up and hopefully remember Mum on MD.

Purpledaffodil Wed 27-Mar-19 19:24:30

Yes Mothering Sunday is an ancient Christian tradition to do with mother churches and is celebrated on the fourth Sunday in Lent. But Mother’s Day was an American revival to celebrate motherhood in June I think.
I agree it’s crassly over commercialised here now ( I have seen an advert offering a discount to those spending over £150) BUT Mothering is important and should be celebrated imho. Muffin you are a saint and need a special day to celebrate that. I’d buy a Hallmark St Muffin card any day! flowers to you. ?