Gransnet forums

AIBU

not to donate?

(74 Posts)
Oldwoman70 Sat 30-Mar-19 09:58:49

Whenever neighbours ask for charitable donations I usually give what I can. I have just had a visit from a neighbour looking for donations so her daughter and some friends can visit a school abroad to "help out". This is something I have donated to in the past so invited her in to ask for more information.

It seems this isn't a trip with a recognised charity, it's just the parents wanting to take their daughter and 3 friends. I asked which school they were planning to visit - not been decided yet, which country - not decided yet, how long will the girls be helping out - probably a couple of days, how long is the visit - 3 weeks, what will they be doing the rest of the time - the girls want to learn to scuba dive and surf!!!!!!

Seems the parents are just looking for others to pay for their kids to have a holiday

I declined to make a donation

EllanVannin Sat 30-Mar-19 10:06:54

What a bloomin' cheek !! Some people !

Jane10 Sat 30-Mar-19 10:09:59

I quite agree Oldwoman70. I'm not chipping in for an in laws 'dream' sponsored event. It's just a holiday. She'd be better donating the flight and accommodation costs directly to the charity and staying at home.

henetha Sat 30-Mar-19 10:14:14

What a nerve! Well, I would love to travel around America (or anywhere really) in a motorhome for 6 months.
I feel it would be educational for me and improve my geography etc.
Any donations gratefully accepted! Thank you. grin

Teetime Sat 30-Mar-19 10:32:04

I feel strongly that we should all give whatever we can to charity be it time and/or money as both allow BUT its a personal decision how you do that. DH and I have decided what we want to support as you cant do everything and politely decline all other requests by saying we have already made our decisions where to donate. Its usually Ok.

Jane10 Sat 30-Mar-19 10:35:47

I support one particular local charity to a large extent but happily pop cash in a collecting tin for almost all the various flag days.

Jane10 Sat 30-Mar-19 10:37:04

I'm a bit wary of professional fund raisers collecting for 'children's charities' but who can't/won't enlarge on exactly which ones!

Maybelle Sat 30-Mar-19 10:54:46

This sounds like you are just paying for the family holiday under the cover of helping. I too would have declined to donate

I have also chosen which charities I wish to support, and just politely say so to most other approaches for money. Usually this is sufficient but I did get an earful once from someone saying they hoped I suffered one day and no-one would help me.

Interestingly enough when in town with DH, who is in a wheelchair, we never get approached those people with clipboards trying to sign us up to regular donations.

jusnoneed Sat 30-Mar-19 11:04:17

What a nerve your neighbour has! Getting other people to pay for their holiday.
It does amaze me what some people try to raise funds for these days, some of the crowdfunding pages that pop up make me wonder how gullible people are to donate to them.
I will only give to Air Ambulance, Lifeboats or Poppy appeal. Cancer and Heart ones that are collected for at funerals as they are the genuine ones.

Jalima1108 Sat 30-Mar-19 11:29:37

I haven't yet had a Gap Year - any Gransnetters wishing to contribute towards a 12 month round-the-world trip for me to record the number of whale sightings from my luxury yacht are welcome to contribute!

What a cheek, Oldwoman70.
That is not a 'charitable donation', it's asking for funding for a jolly.

Grammaretto Sat 30-Mar-19 11:43:28

I read this with interest as we were at a fundraising event last night towards a friend's DD's gap year..
It was fun and they must have raised over £1000
I am always a bit reluctant when I read the blurb as these gap year organisations are an industry depending on the young folk and their doting families. Much of the money goes on admin and insurance.
Is it really valuable? Is it just more youngsters flying carbon footprint all over the place, having fun and not really helping the local economy in any significant way?
I don't know. Mine didn't do it. They organised their own travel trips and worked to pay for them.

However we thoroughly enjoyed the ceilidh last night.

M0nica Sat 30-Mar-19 15:20:29

I will not donate to these trips, whether organised by a accredited charity or not.

Just how much assistance can a group of 10 - 20 16-18 year olds descending on a school for even a fortnight do, let alone a few days? It is demeaning to the children and teachers of that school, suggesting that the education is so bad in their school that these comfortably off youngsters of similar ages can help them.

The host school will have children there whose parents, and they themselves will have undergone considerable problems and privations to get that education that is beyond anything these visitirs swanning through will have experienced. I suspect the host school do it because they get a donation from the charity involved.

My god daughter's daughter did one of these trips, but I dodged contributing. She had a lovely time. She is a lovely girl and clever, but I doubt what she got from the trip beyond lots of photos, happy memories and brownie points on her university form. Much like any other holiday, really.

H1954 Sat 30-Mar-19 15:27:50

What an absolute nerve! I don't blame you for declining to donate. I certainly wouldn't have parted with a penny!

However, you could have called their bluff by offering to purchase some pens, pencils and notebooks for the designated school! I wonder what the reaction would have been to that? 🤣

paddyann Sat 30-Mar-19 15:32:09

its the wedding invitations with a cheesy poem about how much they NEED a honeymoon so please pay something towards it...that annoys me.I'm already buying outfits paying for a hotel ,paying someone to look after the cats and the business while we take two days off and I'm making the cutting layer of fruit cake for them If they NEED a holiday that badly maybe they should have had a small wedding and used the money they save from that ..the £3k dress would have gone a long way towards their Maldives dream trip!

Jalima1108 Sat 30-Mar-19 16:46:43

I reckon I could fund part of my gap year with that £3k wasted spent on a dress paddyann!

Witzend Sat 30-Mar-19 17:04:27

Not U at all - sounds like a colossal cheek to ask.

I long ago stopped 'sponsoring' these expensive trips where inexperienced, unskilled teens go to 'help' build schools or whatever, in 3rd world countries.

What on earth they can do that couldn't almost certainly be done better, and a lot more cheaply, by the same organisation paying local labour to do it - local labour that might well be very glad of the opportunity to earn some money - I can't imagine.

I can see that it opens 1st world - and often privileged - young people's eyes to the realities of life in poor countries, but the same could be achieved by an organised visit, without the somwhat pious facade of 'good works' that need to be sponsored.

If it were expected that the young people should earn the cost of the trip themselves, that might be different, but all I've ever known is virtual begging for friends or relatives to cough up for their 'jolly'.

PamelaJ1 Sat 30-Mar-19 17:04:58

This type of holiday, oops I mean charity work is one of my ‘things’.
I never donate, not even to my nearest and dearest.
One of the men on a committee I was on went on a journey to Machu Pichu for some charity or other.IMO he should have stayed at home and sent the money saved on his air fare and food and accommodation straight to the charity.

PamelaJ1 Sat 30-Mar-19 17:06:07

BTW when I say near ear and dearest I don’t include my immediate family. They have been indoctrinated 😂

rosecarmel Sat 30-Mar-19 17:28:45

Many charities are big business, money making industries-

janeainsworth Sat 30-Mar-19 17:43:41

DD1 years ago went with the Guides to Japan. They did things with Japanese guides and stayed with a Japanese family. We did fundraise for that. Amongst other things, we organised a ceilidh and she wrote numerous letters to various trusts which promote & fund learning activities for young people. Even the Duke of Northumberland contributed.
I do think such exchanges are valuable in terms of broadening young people’s view of the world and the ripple effect means that other people benefit indirectly.

But we did provide quite a lot of the £3K needed ourselves. I would never have dreamed of asking friends for money straight up.

PamelaJ1 Sat 30-Mar-19 17:47:33

Was that a charity event Jane?

Jalima1108 Sat 30-Mar-19 17:47:56

I think going to a dance, a quiz, coffee and cake morning, spending money on an organised raffle or auction is all well and good to raise money - the people concerned are putting in some effort to raise funds. Local boys have packed bags at the supermarket to raise money for a rugby trip.

But just asking for money is just impertinent and extremely rude.

janeainsworth Sat 30-Mar-19 17:51:55

Pamela it was part of an international Girl Guiding Jamboree.
The girls had to pay £3K each to go and were supposed to raise as much of the money themselves as they could.
It was 20 years ago so pre-internet and not quite so easy as it is now, when an easy way is to post on Facebook what you’re doing and invite contributions via justgiving.

janeainsworth Sat 30-Mar-19 17:53:57

I should add that the Japanese family she stayed with came to the U.K. and stayed with us, a bit of a challenge when we didn’t speak Japanese and they didn’t speak English 😁
We are still in touch on Facebook and Instagram.

Johno Sun 31-Mar-19 11:17:26

Sorry but I can't take any more of this pathetic communicating using abbreviations. Goodbye.