Unwanted Xmas gift

I also get posh toiletries sets at Christmas and Birthdays and invariably donate them to charities or the food bank. I use my own choice, mainly Dove, products day to day and have found that anything else upsets my skin. I do take great care to donate them somewhere that the original doner will not see them.

I think these fancy sets are a waste of money anyway as usually only one or two of the things get used and the rest moulders in the back of the bathroom cupboard. Last month we took 3 raffle prizes to a pub quiz fundraiser and won 2 of them back.

The winner probably didn't know you had donated it. I doubt she was trying to hurt your feelings or disrespect you. I'd rather have chocolates than toiletries any day, because I am a greedy pig for chocolates and not all that interested in personal grooming products just use cheap supermarket soap and shampoo. It sounds like you made a lovely donation which sadly went to a greedy chocolate hog like me. That's life and the luck of the draw

OhTelly that must have felt a bit of a kick in the teeth twice really. First when your relative put your gift in the raffle albeit first prize and the second when the winner said that to you. It happened to me once when a friend made up a 'beauty' basket for a charity raffle. I won it and in it were items from gifts I had given her previously. I then donated the basket to another charity raffle.
But just to make you laugh a little about 4 years I was in the Post Office and on the counter were raffle tickets in aid of the little local museum. I bought some and put the tickets in my bag and totally forgot about it. Two months later I get a phone call from a young Portuguese woman speaking in English to tell me I had won the raffle. When I asked what the prize was she replied that I had won a little piggy. You can inagine how my mind raced wondering where I would keep a little pig in my garden. Turns out it was a whole Leitão or suckling pig ready cooked. Not that I receieved it for another few months.

Alas, I go to charity shops a lot and there are always boxes of lovely smellies on sale there at very cheap prices. I tend to think when I am given them that that is where they came from, and that is where they go back to.
Not as bad as the awful grey woollen shawl given to me by my daughter in law 2 Christmases ago. I was filled with dismay but had to pretend gratitude. Why do people think when you are in your 70s you want a stupid shawl, even if by M and S? I told my son not to bother with presents for me as I would always prefer a nice plant.

Unwanted gifts, in boxes or labelled, donated to charity shops have double value. They raise money for said charity and means that others, myself included, can buy them at a much reduced price, either as gifts or for themselves. I have a box and cupboard that is beginning to fill up again ready for this year's gifts.
It may well be that the OP received two sets and donated one, or, like me, bought it at a reasonable discount as the main prize. Your generous gift might well be used up now by your friend.

Oh dear, but laugh it off, next time a voucher and if you’re feel8ng a bit miffed, make it a book voucher,

If it was first prize she obviously appreciated the value - probably not her taste but I am sure she would be mortified to realise she hurt you - I would try to let it pass and maybe ask her for suggestions next time?

A few years ago I had forgotten a colleague’s 40th birthday and quickly regifted a toiletry set that I had received months before from another friend ( no connection so wouldn’t be known). I thought the thank you was a bit OTT but realised much later that the set was an expensive, designer range. I still cringe when I think how much it had cost my friend - I am much more careful now!

I've had the same thing happen myself - but even worse, that same present appeared at several other raffles throughout the year ! (knew it was the same because I had added extra ribbon tied in a certain way)

I rarely buy toiletry sets as gifts having never forgotten helping empty my Gran's bathroom cupboards after she died and finding box after box of them carefully stashed away and never used. Didn't help I suppose that Gran had 21 grandchildren so got lots of the sets as gifts through the year. I have given vouchers/flowers/chocolates and found they usually go down better than a toiletry set as a rule.

What I do with unwanted gifts is to mark them so that I remember who gave them ...inconspicuously of course ... and then pass them to raffles or charity where I know that certain person would never go.

You can only save so many toiletries for future use, then you run out of space. At our age, will we live long enough to use them all? She could have been more discreet when moving them on to a new home though. I would also have been upset.

There are two things that IMO you should never pick for someone else (unless you know the exact one they want):

Perfume (incl purfumed products) and art/decor.

Too personal IMO.

You dont want to walk around smelling like someone else

I only but purfumed products for people if I know their exact favotite products.

It doesnt mean they werent grateful for the gift. It just means that they prefer to smell like themselves, not like you. That isnt an insult, its just a very individual personal thing.

At least theu tried to get it recycled/passed on to someone who might use it.

Like Dots story, my mil NEVER regifts. I think its such a shame/waste.

She likes a very specific perfume and soap. Anything else is kept indefinitely and gathers dust on shelves in her bathroom. Its like a wall of gift shame there is a soap set on there that DH gave her before we were married!!!

It is effective though I suppose because now we only buy "her" brands, which she uses

I get a bit fed up with the same old 'smellies' or fragrance candles being given at Christmas. No imagination.
I prefer to buy my own...flowers too.
I think a Boots or Superdrug voucher would be far more acceptable as they sell a wide range of make-up alongside other useful products.
Even plants may not suit.
I'd rather have a Tesco voucher which can be used for lots of things, flowers included.
A friend gave me a huge box of Sanctuary products which took a year to use up. I like the brand but already had baskets full of my own purchases which were being used.

I'm also one of those people who just don't appreciate 'fancy toiletries and perfumes' - and yet some of the younger female members of my family insist on buying them for me ................. I try to 'drop hints', but they seem to fall on deaf ears. I'd really HATE to hurt their feelings.

The number of bottles of 'good perfumes' that are sitting on the top shelf of my wardrobe are becoming embarassing :-(.

If somebody would only spend the same amount of money on the toiletries that I DO love, I'd be highly delighted. I've even tried asking for ASDA vouchers, so that I can buy what I really want ...................

I have very dry sensitive skin and can only use perfume free products. I have to use aqueous lotion otherwise my skin gets red and itchy. Therefore I get quite a few presents from customers that I just can’t use. I don’t feel able to tell the givers because I don’t want to hurt their feelings but I have to give them away, sadly.

I don't mind what anyone gives me, so long as they keep on giving. I do like presents.

I would also argue that an expensive gift isnt a better more thoughtful gift.

We get very posh brand gifts from a particular family member... they demonstrate no thought whatsoever. There is nothing about the gifts that says "yeah they saw this and thought of notanan/nonanan's" etc. But they are given with a degree of ceremony which implies "you will like it because it cost ££" (as sporty DD unwraps a posh branded set of pink pjs with ballarinas on them, and gets told by the giver with a self satisfied smirk "they are (insert brand)" that they assume we dont buy because we cant afford to, rather than wouldnt chose which is why we own nothing like that!.

I do not think the OP comes across as thoughtless and self satisfied as those relatives, my point is that the cost of the toiletries is somewhat irrelevant if effort wasnt made to chose something the recipient would chose for themselves IYKWIM

The best gift I have ever had was a bouquet of flowers popping through my letterbox every month for a year.
I hate smellies - they are never to my taste.

Was that Letterbox Flowers dragonfly? Sent my DD some of theirs for Mother's Day. She said they were lovely.

Makes you realise we all have so much really, and things we would be grateful for years ago are just run of the mill nowadays.
Most of us certainly don't need to be given presents anyway, it's such a problem trying to find suitable things and if they are then re-gifted or passed on, what is the point?

The whole idea of a raffle is to raise money, and hopefully to win a prize. Some prizes are good, others not so good - it’s all part of the ‘gamble’. An unwanted prize can always be ‘regifted’.

Family know what toiletries I like, but I dread getting the boxed sets because they always contain things I don't use.

I'd much rather they spent less money on the bog standard big shower gel or body lotion than having a mixed box of mini sizes.

it's such a problem trying to find suitable things and if they are then re-gifted or passed on, what is the point?

I think that if you dont know someone well enough to just ask what they would like, then you should prob stop giving them gifts.

I'd say something rather than wondering. I do sympathize especially as the winner didn't appreciate it (either). Presumably she didn't know you were involved in it. ( (In a whisper...".There could, eventually, be a funny story here".)