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AIBU

Photograph of dying Gran

(181 Posts)
Jane10 Sat 13-Apr-19 07:57:50

I was horrified yesterday to find a photo of a poor old soul curled up on a bed apparently asleep. The text told me that it was the poster's gran who was in her last hours. Lots of responses offering support etc to the person who'd posted it. I replied suggesting that it was not very respectful to post this very private moment on a social media site. The poster replied with a lot of guff saying it was because she loved her etc etc.
Privacy, dignity, respect ? Was I overreacting?

Leavesden Sun 14-Apr-19 17:03:09

No it was very wrong, the ladies privacy should be respected.

fluttERBY123 Sun 14-Apr-19 16:59:56

What about proposing in public
. I would have thought better done privately for obvious reasons.

Saggi Sun 14-Apr-19 16:53:13

No you were not. What an absolutely disrespectful way for her elderly relative to be portrayed. None of us look our best when ill...surely respect and dignity is not too much to ask as we draw our last breath. Badly done.that person ...very badly done!

Baggs Sun 14-Apr-19 16:39:05

privacy

Baggs Sun 14-Apr-19 16:38:42

?

I don't know if it's still done. It just struck me that in a way it is, or was, far more instrusive than photography so the provacy argument would hold with respect to it even if dignity wasn't transgressed.

Gonegirl Sun 14-Apr-19 16:34:02

Well Baggs, I would probably say it's totally bleepbleep weird and unnecessary. And who the bleep does that these days? Or even bleep-ing thinks about it?

Baggs Sun 14-Apr-19 16:32:28

How do you know she wasn't or hadn't been doing all that as well, colverson? Rhetorical question because you don't.

Anja Sun 14-Apr-19 16:31:31

As Gran was never going to see that photo I wouldn’t let it worry you OP. I’ve had several unflattering photos put on FB by offspring.

Baggs Sun 14-Apr-19 16:31:31

I've always thought them weird. Much weirder than taking a photograph of someone still alive but dying.

I follow an artist on Twitter who drew dozens of pictures of his baby when it was unclear whether the child would survive. They are lovely, loving drawings.

Colverson Sun 14-Apr-19 16:30:02

Thats horrible,did she ask her nans permission for posting the pic.Sorry I think she is selfish if she really cared for her she would be spending this time talking to and caring for her not seeking cuddles on line.( attention seeking )

Baggs Sun 14-Apr-19 16:29:03

Really, gonegirl? Why? I can't imagine your saying how you feel about death masks is beyond the pale.

Gonegirl Sun 14-Apr-19 16:27:36

I could say Baggs but I'd get instant banning.

Baggs Sun 14-Apr-19 16:25:50

I'm wondering how people feel about death masks and the making thereof.

Daddima Sun 14-Apr-19 16:23:18

My brother died a couple of years ago, and I was horrified when a photographer turned up at the house, and his estranged wife and her family and friends took it in turns to pose with the hearse. It was not as if there were any family members who couldn’t attend, so I can’t imagine why she did it.

Seakay Sun 14-Apr-19 16:07:45

Willow10 you should report her to the station where she works - why do you want her to keep her job? She is breaking her employment contract, betraying the trust of colleagues and stealing privacy and dignity from the public. Do you want to think that she will be involved in any unhappy events in your life? Why should other people suffer?

westerlywind Sun 14-Apr-19 14:38:32

The dying or dead person may have a Power of Attorney and an Executor who has the right of say over what happens in any connection with that person when they are no longer able themselves.
I was glad that a photo of a person who was very ill with members of the family. It would have been good to have that last record. The dying person would look OK to others but the family could see what was different.
Next thing I know someone had put that photo on Facebook! I asked for it to be removed and I was bombarded by a load of Facebook Warriors who clearly did not have any legal knowledge.
Due to the poster's lack of respect for the dying person and me, there has been no further communication.
I would never have put a photo of the poster on facebook in one of their drunken states, or their batter and bruised states, why put private moments on Facebook?

NfkDumpling Sun 14-Apr-19 14:14:52

Anyone daring to photograph or film me during my last moments - however entertaining - will be haunted horribly. I will have revenge!

What a tasteless, degrading thing to do.

madmum38 Sun 14-Apr-19 14:08:49

One of the things that really surprised me was someone posting that their husband was having a heart attack and they were waiting for an ambulance. Why would you go posting that on social media instead of being with her husband and helping him if only to try to keep him calm

Alexa Sun 14-Apr-19 13:58:45

It would be bloody rude to photograph someone on the toilet or in an state of disarray. Let alone someone in the throes of dying. This is to treat the dying person as if she were a fine view , or a child's party.

Formal and formally arranged photos of the dead to be sent to relatives are not at all the same as photographing the pathos and sometimes the pain of somebody dying.

Jane10 Sun 14-Apr-19 13:57:22

So sad Day6. I don't know how anyone could forget that. Poor family.

Sara65 Sun 14-Apr-19 13:56:15

My God, that is sick!

Day6 Sun 14-Apr-19 13:54:20

Visitors paying their respects would be asked in to the bedroom to pay their last respects to the departed, and it was considered very rude and disrespectful not to go in and view the dead.

It may have been mentioned but I know that tradition is still one used by Irish catholic families. One of my saddest moments ever was to go and view the body of my friends little boy, aged three, in his bedroom. He was in his tiny white coffin, not his bed, but it is something that will live with me forever. I used to chat with his mother as we got the bus into work. We were both pregnant at the same time and both gave birth to baby boys. Every single mourner was in tears for this poor little soul. It was all very respectful. I think of him and his family often.

I don't mind traditions if they are part of a family send off. It's the taking and posting (on social media) of photos that I find deplorable.

Day6 Sun 14-Apr-19 13:44:25

I agree that it is in very bad taste Jane10 and lacking respect. I had a family member pose (on the bed) her three young children aged five, two and nine months old next to their dying grandmother (she was on her deathbed, literally) and post it on FB. I was repulsed. She'd placed the old woman's hand on the baby's. The poor woman's skin was paper thin and she was a weird shade of purple. She was skin and bones and in deep sleep. She justified it with a tag "One for the family album" for all the world to see.

When those children are older will they thank her for this horrific photograph?

keffie Sun 14-Apr-19 13:35:43

Also to add social media can be a nightmare in other ways. I had to get my BiL to get my niece to remove an hysterical attention seeking "my uncle has died post put up an hour after my husband passed. Not all the family had been informed.

I had gone onto social media to inform a few by messenger to be hit by tag after tag on my husband page which notified my page of.

I was shaking like a leaf and mortified. The person who had done it was for affect. There was person after person replying and tagging in my husband page and her tagged post to my husband page.

There was messages going up like "Omg I don't believe it. You were such a special friend" and I'm thinking "wtf are you?" So special I didn't even know who they were. My niece was using it to lap up all the attention.

Needless to say I got my BiL to sort it and our eldest to memorialise my husband account straightaway so it couldn't continue.

Not one of those people messaged me directly to say how sorry they were putting messages on my husband timeline. I didnt want the messages. I am saying because it says more about them than us.

As for my niece and her lot that's another story of what happened there. Social media is a great tool if used appropriately. The problem there is not all people do

B9exchange Sun 14-Apr-19 13:29:31

Whether you take photos of someone in extremis is up to you and your culture, although if possible I would ask the dying patient if they minded. Wanting to record a stillborn's image is perfectly understandable. What is criminal is posting pictures of the dying on social media without consent. It is odd how many people seem to struggle to see the difference.