Gransnet forums


Photograph of dying Gran

(180 Posts)
Jane10 Sat 13-Apr-19 07:57:50

I was horrified yesterday to find a photo of a poor old soul curled up on a bed apparently asleep. The text told me that it was the poster's gran who was in her last hours. Lots of responses offering support etc to the person who'd posted it. I replied suggesting that it was not very respectful to post this very private moment on a social media site. The poster replied with a lot of guff saying it was because she loved her etc etc.
Privacy, dignity, respect ? Was I overreacting?

SueH49 Sat 13-Apr-19 08:04:47

I guess everyone has their own ideas of what respect/love is and obviously for you it is not the same as it is for the person who posted.
While I don't think I would post something like that I don't see anything wrong with doing so if someone wants to. Each to their own.

Auntieflo Sat 13-Apr-19 08:06:03

Nothing's sacred these days unfortunately Jane10
It's a pity that some folk want to share every minute of their lives.

Whitewavemark2 Sat 13-Apr-19 08:09:54

It does seem odd to me that the modern thing seems to share moments of extreme (for me) privacy. People seem to feel the need to wear their hearts on their sleeve and show all outward signs of emotion. My absolute instinct is quite the opposite. I am I suppose a private person by nature, and I would never share such momentous occasions with anyone other than my closest family members.

But I guess what makes us all so colourful and fascinating is our approach to life’s journey.
I think that as long as we are not intently harming anyone we can be tolerant of those who think differently to ourselves.

Willow10 Sat 13-Apr-19 08:20:40

Poor dying gran didn't have a say in it obviously. I just don't understand this obsession with sharing even your most private moments with the whole world.

Chewbacca Sat 13-Apr-19 08:25:03

Willow is right; did anyone ask Gran if she wnated to be photographed in her last hours? To me, it show a complete lack of respect to those who are unable to speak for themselves.

Oldwoman70 Sat 13-Apr-19 08:32:41

I also don't understand the need to share every private moment with the world. I certainly wouldn't want my last moments posted for the entertainment of strangers.

There was a story recently of someone who had posted a video of herself giving birth!

travelsafar Sat 13-Apr-19 08:32:54

I agreewith the above posts about sharing something so intimate and private. I remember my oldest friend having her husband in ICU and so many people going to see him although he was unconsious.I remarked that knowing him as i did he would hate to think that all and sundry were seeing him when so vulnerable, lying there practically naked with tubes and wire all over his body. She gasped when i said this and i thought i had offended, but she said you are right, i just didn't think, i have been so worried about him. She spoke to the staff saying please only admit close family to see him, and this is what they did.You have to protect your loved ones when they can not do it themselves. Her husband was a high ranking officer in the fire brigade and even though very ill still needed to maintain dignity and privacy at such a bad time.Thankfully he is fully recoverd.

Anniebach Sat 13-Apr-19 08:36:00

Why even take a photograph of someone dying

Grannyknot Sat 13-Apr-19 08:40:19

I was looking for something on YouTube recently, a recipe, when I inadvertently came across a close-up video of a woman (obviously a complete stranger to me) with her "born sleeping" (stillborn) baby. Once I realised what it was, I quickly clicked off it, but it left me feeling uncomfortable, as if I had intruded. I had to put it out of my mind.

I'm in the "don't understand" it camp.

There's no escape from it though. My daughter who is tech savvy says that many people don't know how to make their accounts private, and don't realise that if they don't set privacy parameters, what they post is available to anyone and everyone.

Whitewavemark2 Sat 13-Apr-19 08:40:30

My father died out doors when gardening. He was lying on the lawn. My instinct was to cover him to keep his privacy and respect.

Harris27 Sat 13-Apr-19 08:40:34

Just been through this. My mams funeral last week some relative taking pictures of her funeral flowers. Then we had suspicions of photographs taken in her last hours caused quite a family stir and i have not spoken to the person since.we protected our mam till the last keeping every last minute with dignity and the way we knew she'd of wanted it. Very distressing.

Harris27 Sat 13-Apr-19 08:42:09

Agree with willow and chewbacca.

gillybob Sat 13-Apr-19 08:44:42

I agree with you willow and speaking as someone who avoids cameras like the plague I would hate to think someone would photograph me in my dying hours and horror of horrors share it on social media .

harrigran Sat 13-Apr-19 09:01:30

Words fail me, could anyone be more insensitive ? The poor lady.

Jane10 Sat 13-Apr-19 09:02:02

Sorry. I failed to mention that this photo turned up in my Twitter feed. It had lots of 'likes'!

Grannynise Sat 13-Apr-19 09:03:48

I attended the funeral of a family member recently and was horrified, but not surprised, to see paparazzi outside the church taking photographs of mourners. And there were pictures published even before the service was over.

SisterAct Sat 13-Apr-19 09:10:43

Agree with the above posts not something we would do.

My niece wanted us to video my mums funeral because she was away but we said no. We gave her a copy of the hymns prayers and Eulogy and said raise a glass to her and remember her as a wonderful lady and this is what she would want.

Gonegirl Sat 13-Apr-19 09:52:35

I remember, when I was a child, the people in the house opposite my friend's house had the open coffin of a recently deceased family member in the front garden whilst they took photos.

Agree with OP that that was breach of privacy. She had no right to do that.

Susan56 Sat 13-Apr-19 09:54:42

When my dad was dying in intensive care,we only let immediate family visit.He was a very dignified man and we made sure he was dignified in death.This was 25 years ago and some extended family members still don’t speak to me but I would do the same again.
I wonder how many pictures the young lady shared of her grandma in life.

BradfordLass72 Sat 13-Apr-19 10:14:20

I wonder what the point of posting her gran in extremis was?
Did she do it to get lots of sympathy?

This sharing thing may all stem from the TV shows, often American, which encourage people to bare their souls (and dirty laundry) so the rating shoot up.
The poor saps don't realise they are being manipulated by voracious and cynical producers.

Mind you, some of the things shared here on GN are very personal, it's the nature of the beast I suppose.

I come from a time when what was said in the home stayed in the home and many women didn't even know what their husbands earned, or quite often even what they did!
"He's something in the city" was a apposite phrase. smile

Times change, as do we.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Sat 13-Apr-19 10:18:17

It seems insensitive. Dare I say these days people seem to want to share everything on social media. Not for me - but time change.

jura2 Sat 13-Apr-19 10:22:25

Totally with you Jane10.

Unless it is what the person wishes to show, of her/his own will- for a campaign. As some people have themselves chosen to do for Dignity in Dying campaign.

Willow10 Sat 13-Apr-19 10:23:36

Something happened last year that I have never spoken about and still don't know how to deal with. A new lady came to one of the club's I belong to and trying to be friendly, I chatted to her during coffee time. She got her phone out to show me some pictures of her daughter with a new puppy. As she was scrolling through she stopped a picture of a man's head, eyes closed and looking quite purple. 'Oh, that's a bloke who hung himself' she said and enlarged the picture to show the rope around his neck! I was shaken to the core and asked her what on earth she was doing with a photo like that. She said she worked in a police call centre. One of the policemen who had found the poor man had photographed it and sent it to her to see if he could be identified. I said didn't she think it was very disrespectful to him and his family to be showing a picture like that - and what was it doing on her personal phone? She just shrugged and continued to scroll through her photos. For days afterwards all I had in my head was that awful picture. I only saw the woman a couple of times after that, but couldn't bring myself to speak to her and still feel as if I should have done something. But what? I don't know her circumstances and if I'd reported it she may well have lost her job. I still feel confused and upset just thinking about it and that picture is still in my head.

bikergran Sat 13-Apr-19 10:29:06

My family took photos of the flowers from dh funeral, afterwards the funeral director takes the little cards off the flowers and puts them in a little memorial booklet(its up to you if you want it) the photos of the flowers we made into a collage photo and it sits with the little memorial booklet.
I do look at it every now and then.