Photograph of dying Gran

I'm quite open on my private Facebook account, however I would NOT share something like this.

It is a very personal time. Not just about her. There is also other family members as well as her Gran to consider.

It is selfish, disrespectful, attention seeking and worse can terrify the life out of others.

I know someone who put up selfie pictures of adult youngsters and her at the Grans funeral. It was bizarre and immature.

I said it lovingly about it to her. Her response was I dont get the youngsters together that often so I decided to take pictures. There were also posing pictures too. I did say fine but "why post them up on Facebook?" She went quiet.

Its trashy. Alot I know said it between them rather than to her. The person in question is very immature though also.

Its crass! I dont blame you for saying something. Some people just dont get it though

Death is not a closed subject any more, there are death cafes all around us, it brings awareness and gives lots of people comfort. Death Matters,.A good death is very important to us all, hence the reason we should all speak about what WE want for our self when that time comes.
It also give a better closure for the ones left behind. Lots of groups like Alzheimers, Vascular dementia and more share photos like that every single hour on FB. They are supporting each others. As one poster said it has to be everyone to their own, but do let your wishes known to your loved ones and write it down too.

At my father in laws funeral last May, a family member stood at the back of the church videoing the whole service, someone pointed it out to my husband and he quickly went and told his brother in law to stop immediately. We thought that was the end of it, however a week later the chief mourners were given a dvd by the same brother in law. We took our home thinking it would be probably a picture of the hearse passing by and the flowers after we had all left the burial. To our utter astounded shock on watching it, the first image was of the deceased man in his coffin in the chapel of rest, then going all the way through until the final picture of his coffin in the grave.

All I can say is thank god my mother in law doesn’t know how to use a dvd because if she had seen it she would have been absolutely mortified.
Jane10 so I couldn’t agree more with your post it really is out of order

I would never put a photo of anyone in a vulnerable situation on any social media, but times and opinions change.

At the beginning of the 20th century, it was quite common for people to be photographed in their coffins before the lid was screwed on.

In my childhood in Scotland, the dead were washed, clothed in clean nightclothes and put back into their beds that had been made up with fresh linen and lay there until the coffin was brought from the local joiner. Visitors paying their respects would be asked in to the bedroom to pay their last respects to the departed, and it was considered very rude and disrespectful not to go in and view the dead.

I believe it was Queen Adelaide, William the IVs wife, who had wax images made of all her still-born children. She was an aunt of Queen Victoria and no-one at that time thought it odd or morbid to have waxen images of dead babies littering the house!

Right now my DBiL is dying in hospital with the dreaded C, and my DH and I are absolutely sickened to see photographs of him on Facebook. Wrapped in blankets in wheelchair, fag in hand, and looking 100 (he’s 77)...photos taken by teenage GDs. How cruel, no dignity left. Take photos, if you really must, for your memories, but, in the name of common decency, do not post on social media for the world to see. It’s so upsetting for us.

flowers being photographed are one thing we have a picture somewhere of grandads flowers but photographing dead people especially ones who had suffered and taken their own lives is quite another thing. i just think its very wrong

No you were NOT over reacting. I think people's concept of personal and private have altered - and not for the better. Where is the poster's respect. I think they do it to get attention.

I would be upset too Jane. Was the person posting someone you know? Also did the person in the photo know her image was being posted. If not it is very disrespectful.
I think the problem. Is people just post things on socialmedia without really considering the impact.

Beckett I get your point. Social media does allow different world views / cultural practices to enter our own preferred environment in a way that can be disconcerting or distressing to us. We need to be quick at averting our eyes.

Willow10 I'm very shocked and sorry that you were shown that awful picture by someone working in a police call centre. I think she should have been officially reprimanded at the very least for having and sharing that image. Shame on her for her lack of respect and feelings.

Absolutely awful. The poor gran had no say in it and would probably hate people seeing her like that. Total lack of respect. If my family did that to me I would come back and haunt them.

Having seen Oldfossil's post reminds me that when I go to the local crematorium to visit my husband's burial plot, there are a lot of plots here with photos of the dead in their good days. And artificial flowers. Frenchified customs here!!! Oh dear!

Normally I don’t like private things shared like it but once it did help me. My husband was in hospital with pneumonia, he was nil by mouth because he kept choking, his dementia was really bad. Every night I went and saw him his tongue was so dry and I would try to moisten it and informed the nurses. Couldn’t go for a couple of days as had a cold and didn’t want to pass more onto him so couple of days later went back and he was picking at his tongue, had turned black and orange with dryness,again told staff and was told his oral care was being managed.
Took a picture of his tongue, not face and tweeted it to the hospital, it got the job done and his mouth was always fine afterwards though I did get told off for taking the picture as was told it would be a matter for safeguarding, I didn’t care though

Lack of respect and no thought for those poor individuals who have no say in the matter the people who put photos like this on social media are attention seeking why they have to live their lives this way wanting everyone knowing their business is one thing but when it involves others who are unaware of this is disgraceful

I looked on Facebook one morning and saw a post asking for prayers for her sister as she had just lost her husband. The husband was my brother in Florida and they had not had time to inform me. You can imagine the shock to me, all because this woman wanted sympathy and prayers! My own husband was that day having major heart surgery. So already under stress!

Willow10 Simply keeping that photo on her personal phone was a breach of the rules, let alone showing it to everyone. Even though it was long ago, you should report her. Who knows what sort of other images she has on her phone - she could be keeping autopsy photos, photos of rape victims, anything!
You'd report somebody who was showing ISIS beheading photos around - this is no different.

I wouldn’t put it on social media, it seems intrusive to me. So no, I don’t think you were overreacting.

It was probably just asking for trouble posting, because the poster's probably already emotionally fragile, and was likely to either reply angrily, or become upset by the thought she might have disrespected her gran. I'd have been inclined to say it's her bereavement let her handle it in her own way. At the end of the day, the old lady was dead and not likely to be embarrassed or upset by the photograph regardless of who was right or wrong about it.

Victorian days are gone however. It was acceptable then, and in some cultures more than others - but it is NOT now.

Customs change - the Victorians were very keen on death masks etc.When photography came in there was a trend for taking pictures of the deceased, especially children, ‘sitting’ in chairs in ‘lifelike’ poses. It seems gruesome to most of us now, but presumably it didn’t seem so then. Victoria herself had mementos - a cast of Albert’s hand, for instance. We don’t seem so upset by other customs - mourning brooches and rings incorporating hair from the deceased . As a girl I remember my surprise at seeing photographs of the deceased on gravestones in France, and being revolted by waxy artificial flowers encased in glass... We may be revolted by some practices ( I wouldn’t dream of visiting the catacombs of Palermo, for instance) but I wouldn’t describe the people who adopted those practices as ‘disrespectful’ just because their world view was /is different.

Surely the problem here is not that a photograph was taken but that it was put on social media. Some people may want a photo of the dead or dying or it may be a cultural thing - all well and good but I doubt if many people would then put it on social media for strangers to see.

Annaraml Although some of the Victorian "death photographs" were real - taken because the deceased had no portrait taken in life - many were of live people, as this article explains: www.atlasobscura.com/articles/victorian-post-mortem-photographs

Annaram1 at least they were 'looking their best' for the photograph, not lying curled up in a bed, near death.

I believe that here in Victorian days, it was fairly common to dress the body in their best clothes, sit them in a chair, and photograph them for posterity,

My one time brother in law son was Italian. When his mother died everything about the funeral was photographed and shared with everyone.
My husband was Indian. When his father died, a relative sent him photos of his father in his coffin.
Not everyone has the same sensibilities.