Gransnet forums


Photograph of dying Gran

(181 Posts)
Jane10 Sat 13-Apr-19 07:57:50

I was horrified yesterday to find a photo of a poor old soul curled up on a bed apparently asleep. The text told me that it was the poster's gran who was in her last hours. Lots of responses offering support etc to the person who'd posted it. I replied suggesting that it was not very respectful to post this very private moment on a social media site. The poster replied with a lot of guff saying it was because she loved her etc etc.
Privacy, dignity, respect ? Was I overreacting?

MiniMoon Tue 29-Oct-19 10:55:10

I haven't read the whole 8 pages, but would like to share an experience I had as a mental health nurse.

I worked on a ward for ladies with dementia. We admitted a lady from the community, and logged all her belongings.

With her she had a handbag containing some photographs, several of which had black surrounds. They were photos of her mother in her coffin.

All the staff thought this very strange.
It was about 1980, well before social media.

timetogo2016 Tue 29-Oct-19 08:58:22

Jane10 is spot on.
I find this very disrespectful.

Cherrytree59 Wed 23-Oct-19 09:16:54


Mykey2015 Wed 23-Oct-19 09:10:17

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grannyqueenie Sat 03-Aug-19 08:42:14

Er no....I reported a spam post so IT would be removed!

grannyqueenie Sat 03-Aug-19 00:29:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rossjonnes2019 Fri 02-Aug-19 22:52:27

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Jenty61 Fri 14-Jun-19 09:53:58

I forgot to add that in an area of Indonesia, the Toraja people mummify the bodies of the deceased and care for their preserved bodies as though they are still living. Be prepared for horrific pictures if you want to google!!

Jenty61 Fri 14-Jun-19 09:47:04

Reminds of the time when I bumped into an old friend of mine and she told me she had recently lost her baby, who sadly was disfigured, she then got a photo out of her purse and showed me a picture of her dead baby. Yes I was shocked because I wasnt prepared for it. I didnt know what to say and I found it very upsetting.
I personally find it distasteful taking a photo of someone dying, its not respectful to that person. To post such a picture on the internet, which will be there forever is so disrespectful.

Resurgam123 Fri 14-Jun-19 09:22:59

There appears to be a horror of seeing dead relatives. My mother inlaw died just before we got to my sister in laws as we drove down south. We sat with my MIL for a long time talking and remembering her and holding her hand. That was the first time I had seen a dead person.
There was nothing awful about it at all . Then I went went to see my parents at the undertakers and held their hands. It was very comforting.
My inlaws were from a big family who would start talking and enjoy laughing lovingly about stories of their loved ones.

Guineagirl Fri 07-Jun-19 10:41:30

Sorry that reads back wrong, we call it Face Arse in our family so I mean that, not for you literally

Guineagirl Fri 07-Jun-19 10:39:38

Face arse for you I’m afraid x

Guineagirl Fri 07-Jun-19 10:39:05

How awful and I agree no respect there, to this day I can never get over the fact I never covered my Mams head when she died. It doesn’t matter of the positive things I did for her or that I was with her at the end the image that I never covered her haunts me three years later, I just feel I had lack of respect and it’s awful, so I agree with you.

M0nica Mon 03-Jun-19 21:04:55

What a selfish, self-centred woman. Out to milk all the pity and self seeking attention she could get. It was nothing about her grandmother, all about her.

My father took a photograph of my mother in her coffin, I suppose in the depth of his grief, he wanted a memory of her, but he destroyed it shortly afterwards.

Dinahmo Mon 03-Jun-19 18:09:41

That image will be with that person for the rest of their life and will combe back to haunt them. My father died of cancer aged 55, nearly 40 years ago. Me and my siblings spent his last week in hospital with him. His weight was down to 6 stone. That image is at the forefront of my mind when It think about him. My mother had Alzheimers and died about 30 years ago. Again, the image of her when she died is foremost. I have to work hard to remember them when they were younger and healthier.

Sheshyshowshum Mon 03-Jun-19 09:09:55

I know my mother would have hated for anyone to remember her as she was when having her last moments, as she always had a lot of pride in her appearance and would not like for peoples memory to be that.

Beckett Mon 03-Jun-19 07:30:14

Taking photos for private use or to pass amongst family is one thing, taking photos and putting them on social media smacks of attention seeking by the poster and is disrespectful to the person who died.

It is being argued that death masks and photos used to be taken - but there was a time when small children were sent up chimneys should that be regarded as OK now because it used to happen

Resurgam123 Mon 03-Jun-19 07:19:04

Nurses take photos of still born babies or babies that will not survive as parents often wish they had taken the pictures later.

Resurgam123 Mon 03-Jun-19 07:12:39

Mossfar. Has said that she has seen that.
Are we going back to saying "passed" instead of died and trying to ignore the reality.

Resurgam123 Mon 03-Jun-19 07:04:47

In victorian times taking photos of the deceased was not unusual. (For those few who had cameras. )

I had heard about this before. Even Children . I don't know when that stopped but Google would probably know.

OurKid1 Sun 28-Apr-19 13:44:40

Sorry Anniebach firstly for spelling your name wrong and for not making it clear that I was answering your point about why anyone would photograph a dying person. smile

OurKid1 Sun 28-Apr-19 13:42:44

I agree with Annibach up to a point. However, my sister took a photo of my mum during her last few weeks (she had dementia, looked very unwell and was completely unable to consent). Despite all that, she smiled. That photo was not shared with anyone (not even me). It is purely private for my sister to remember that, despite her illness, our mum was still our mum.

Mossfarr Sun 28-Apr-19 13:26:03

My friend posted photographs of her dead granddaughter on facebook last year. I was traumatised then and I still shudder with horror when I think of it.
She also posts photos of the graves of her family and friends on the anniversary of their deaths. I think its absolutely horrific but she just shrugs and says it shows she remembers them. Why does she need to tell the world that she remembers them? She's not a youg person either - she's in her 60's!

SirChenjin Wed 24-Apr-19 15:01:56

It's indicative of the 'must share my entire life on social media' mentality that many people seem to have now in order to validate themselves somehow. I sincerely hope that when my time comes my family will want to spend my remaining hours with me, DH and their siblings as opposed to focusing on their screens.

Sara65 Tue 23-Apr-19 19:08:47

It’s probably already happened mycatisahacker!